


The Trouble With Soulmates

by TeamAlphaQ



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Crack, Except humorous and definitely crack, F/F, Fluff, Humor, I mean I'm the author, Izaya being a little shit, M/M, Misunderstandings, Red String of Fate, SERIOUS SOULMATE AU, Shinra being a meddlesome ass, Shizuo never asked for this, Soulmate Collar, Soulmate induced Colorblindness, Soulmate mind reading, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmate-Identifying Timers, The glow-y Chest thing for soulmates, This is probably a bad idea LET'S DO IT, Unfortunate Sexual Arousal, probably angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2018-11-08 12:36:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 68,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11081724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamAlphaQ/pseuds/TeamAlphaQ
Summary: Otherwise known as 'when Shinra starts talking crazy, run like hell'When Shinra decides to try out some of Celty's less-than-tested abilities on Izaya without his knowledge, things quickly go downhill. It starts with an innocuous conversation about soulmates, it ends- Well, Izaya's going to have to figure that out, just as soon as he stops seeing gold everywhere.Rediculous amalgamation of every soulmate AU I've ever read. Purely crack but we all know that I manage to squeeze angst in everywhere.





	1. Why You Should Never Trust Shinra

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kanra_chan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kanra_chan/gifts).



> So apart from the obvious fact that this is totally not what I usually write, welcome! 
> 
> Basically, I was discussing Soulmate AU's with a friend of mine and suddenly, an idea hit me. What if soulmate AUs, but all at once? Ridiculous, yes. Funny, oh I sure hope so. 
> 
> A bad idea?  
> Who do you think I am? A sane person? HAHAHA
> 
> Enjoy!

“It’s absolutely fascinating Izaya, you have to agree at least a little!” Shinra babbled excitedly, flipping through his book of notes with fervent passion. “I mean, I’d heard about soulmates, everyone has but I never knew there was this much lore on them until I stumbled across a few old books. So far all the evidence seems pretty credible and I’ve actually talked to some people who have experienced some of it.”

Izaya, for his part, rolled his eyes and tapped his fingers on Shinra’s table before checking the time on his phone. _I need to get back, Namie’s going to throw a fit if I don’t get something done._ “Shinra, I’m sure all your research into why you and Celty are just perfect for each other is absolutely engrossing,” Izaya said, voice dripping with false sincerity. “But I have places to be. As soon as Celty brings me the files I had her collect, I’ll be on my way, I assure you.”

Shinra crossed his arms hotly and announced, a bit too loudly for a normal conversation, “For your information, my darling and I have shown none of these signs but that doesn’t matter. We still are absolutely and irrevocably in l-”

“Oh for the love of-” Izaya grabbed the book out of Shinra’s hands. “Just go back to the soulmate stuff, that was at least bearable.” Skimming through a few of the pages in front of him, Izaya felt the urge to gag. It was all so incredibly stupid and cliched that he could practically feel his brain liquefying and leaking out his ears, but at least it was better than listening to Shinra go on and on about Celty.

Grinning, Shinra snatched the book back, clearly delighted that Izaya was showing at least a modicum of interest. “So, the lore is all over the place, there are a million different ways that soulmates can manifest themselves. Not everyone has one and even if you do, you might not get any sort of special sign but for those who are denying their soulmate, or who have no clue their soulmate exists, these things can occur.”

All Izaya could think about was how Celty was taking far too long. _It’s one flash drive, how hard is it to keep track of something like that?_

“There are some that are, of course, more well-known than others,” Shinra continued, adjusting his glasses as he flipped through the many bookmarked and dog-eared pages. “For instance, the red string of fate, connecting two people by the ankles. That one has popped up in Japanese literature for years and legends go that the string, invisible to others-”

“Always leads back to the soulmate,” Izaya intoned, sighing boredly. “Yes Shinra, I was in the same literature classes as you were back in high school.”

Shinra grinned and tapped his nose. “Ah yes, but that’s not all there is to say about these strings. It’s said in its most extreme manifestations it can keep the two people from moving too far away from each other. There are untold numbers of people who have experienced it!”

“Aren’t you a scientist?” Izaya asked, peeved. “Don’t you, I don’t know, debunk idiotic ideas like this?”

“So first off I’m not a scientist,” Shinra proclaimed, flipping through another few pages. “And secondly, why would I try to disprove something with so much evidence backing it up? That would be like trying to say oxygen is not real just because people die.”

“I don’t know? Maybe because you had a shred of human intelligence and didn’t believe that people were destined to be together?” Izaya mumbled, aware that Shinra was already off in la la land again. “But don’t mind me, I’m just trying to inject _sense_ into a conversation. Gasp, how terrifying.” Sometimes, he wondered why he even bothered.

Meanwhile, Shinra was pointing at a new page. “Or what about this one?” There was a picture of someone wearing a dark collar. “This is another more extreme manifestation but it’s quite common when one soulmate is much more submissive than the other.”

Izaya reluctantly read some of the words on the page as Shinra continued to talk. “At some point in their life, the sub ends up with a collar around their neck that forces them to follow any direct orders given by their true love.” Shinra’s eyes were full of excitement, tempting Izaya to just forget the info and run while he still could. “It’s only broken after they are truly together.”

_God, why? Why me?_ Izaya asked silently, wondering if he could simply knock Shinra out without incurring the wrath of Celty. _Probably not a good idea to risk it. She might actually slit my throat this time._

“And this one.” Another image, this time of a clock. “Sometimes, when a person meets their soulmate, their watch or phone clock stops and nothing can make it work ever again.” Shinra’s eyes glowed. “I was skeptical of it too, but after careful research, I’ve discovered that it’s most likely true. I mean, isn’t this stuff just amazing? I can hardly believe it’s real.”

Struggling not to roll his eyes, Izaya turned the pages at random and pointed. “Fine, what about this one.” _Just start on one of your long rants so I can tune you out. This isn’t what I came for._

Delighted that Izaya was taking an active interest, Shirna bounced in his chair and said, “In this legend, it’s said you find your soulmate’s name tattooed on your body. It can be anywhere but it’s usually on the wrist. Another one I didn’t believe because anyone can get a tattoo but these things can’t be removed and they all have the exact same proportions. It’d be a miracle if thousands of people could have such a consistent narrative and such hard facts if it were a lie.”

_Why am I supposed to care about this? Oh right, I don’t._

“This one is probably my favorite.” Shinra flipped another few pages to a picture of an eye. “One day, you wake up and the only color you can see is the color of your soulmate's eyes. It can happen from birth but it can technically take effect at any time in your life. The only thing that can fix it is for you to kiss your soulmate.”

“That is a load of crap and you know it Shinra,” Izaya complained, staring at the insane doctor in an unimpressed manner. “They’re just lying.”

“Then why do so many people believe it? Why have so many people come forward with exactly the same testimonies?” Shinra argued, sticking out his bottom lip in a pout. “Come on Izaya, it’s almost like you don’t want to learn about this stuff. Are you really choosing to be ignorant?”

“I’m not being ignorant if it doesn’t exist!” Izaya snapped before snatching the book out of Shinra’s hands, much to his annoyance. “I mean what is this?” he said wildly, pointing to a title in an overly exasperated manner. “The ability to read your soulmate’s thoughts? That’s got to be a lie.”

“There’s so much proof, You have no idea.” Shirna shot back, grabbing for the book and succeeding to tug it out of Izaya’s grasp. “There was one story of a girl stuck in a prisoner of war camp, shoved together with so many people that it took her ages to figure out whose thoughts she was hearing because everyone was thinking the same thing.” His eyes grew dreamy again. “It’s all so amazing.”

Izaya groaned loudly. “Come on. Celty!” he called, looking about helplessly. “Please tell me you don’t believe this load of crap.”

An arm was stuck out from around a door. **_[If Shinra says it’s true then it probably is. He’s never steered me wrong.]_ ** Izaya could think of at least one major way Shinra was constantly steering Celty wrong because it rested in a vault somewhere in his apartment but that was neither here nor there.

“One of the ones I can’t quite prove is the extreme sexual arousal that can occur when around your soulmate.” Shinra was saying, his brow furrowed as he turned some pages. “That might just be a normal human behavior but it certainly sounds like it might have some truth to it. Why else would it be so irrational…”

Izaya couldn’t help but involuntarily turn red because _how the hell is Shinra able to say things like that with a straight face?_ “Shinra this is getting dull,” he said, in a rather fast voice. “Your voice bores me, I’m getting annoyed why don’t we just stop talking about-”

“One more!” Shinra insisted, almost hitting Izaya in the nose with the book as he shoved it into Izaya’s personal space. “This one is the rarest sign of a soulmate that I’ve been able to find concrete evidence of.” Izaya grudgingly looked at the picture of a girl, her hands over her chest, her heart, supposedly, glowing. “When the two soulmates look at each other, and they're both feeling the same powerful emotion, both of their hearts glow. As I’ve said it’s incredibly uncommon, but it can happen.”

Izaya snapped the book closed. “I’m disappointed in you Shinra, I didn’t think you’d believe in stupid hearsay and magic.” He spat the words out like they were detestable. “I thought you were at least somewhere inside a reasoned human being but this is just ridiculous. There are no such thing as soulmates and you are listening to fairytales. They aren’t real.”

Shinra’s eyes grew uncomfortably cold. “What are you trying to say Izaya? What do you think Celty is? She’s magic! Are you trying to say she isn’t real just because science can’t prove her?”

_Only Shinra would interpret this as an attack against his ‘beloved’._ Running a hand over his face, Izaya muttered, “No, Shinra, you know that’s not what I meant. Celty’s different. Celty is… Well, she’s very obviously real and she very obviously doesn’t have a head. I’m not insulting her I promise.”

Celty’s hand shot out again but this time she just gestured at Shinra who seemed to instantly understand what she was trying to say. Sighing, he muttered, “Look Izaya, I’m just saying that if Celty can be real, a magical dullahan from Ireland, then maybe this can be real too. Who knows, _you_ might have a soulmate.”

Izaya’s eyes sharpened. “Oh no, you see, I can’t possibly have a soulmate, I love all humans equally, therefore there can not be one in particular. How could I have a soulmate?” He didn’t like the seriously contemplative look on Shinra’s face. It meant he was taking the question at face value and Izaya honestly didn’t want to hear the answer.

“Well we’ll never be sure I guess,” Shinra settled on at last. “Even if you do you might never meet them.”

“Let us hope so, ne?” Izaya said, pleasantly smiling at the doctor while wondering how many different ways he could kill the man in the next ten second. “Besides, these things aren’t guaranteed to happen, they only happen sometimes.”

“Not necessarily,” Shinra said, brightening again. “It’s said there are ways to induce these things artificially if your soulmate is nearby. It’s also said that it will trigger the same things in your soulmate. There isn’t much info on it though so I can’t just whip something up in the lab to try on you.”

“No!” Izaya snapped, scooting his chair away from the table. “No one is trying anything on me, I am perfectly happy not knowing if I have a soulmate and where that potential soulmate is. You will not be doing any tests on me at all!” _Sometimes you forget how insane he is..._

**_[No, he won’t.]_ ** Celty appeared next to Shinra, a flash drive in one hand and the other holding out her PDA. It was obvious from her body language that she was not impressed. **_[Don’t listen to him Izaya, he knows next to nothing about it anyway.]_ ** She put a kind hand on his shoulder before passing him the flash drive. **_[Don’t worry.]_ **

“I’m not worried,” Izaya muttered, noticing a wisp of smoke that had seemed to stick with him and brushing it off, nonplussed. “I just don’t like the physician I go to on a regular basis spouting off nonsense about soulmates.” Digging around in one of his pockets, Izaya withdrew a very thick envelope and handed it graciously to Celty. “Thank you Courier-san for your continued services. I hope to do more business with you in the future.”

**_[Of course.]_ **

Without another word, Izaya slid out of his chair and headed for the door. “Don’t kill anyone Shinra, the last lawsuit I had to help you with was a disaster.” With that, he was gone.

“Why on earth would he bring that up? Besides, Shiki-san was the one who helped me out the most,” Shinra mumbled, momentarily irritated before brightening and turning to Celty. “So,” he started, eyes eager. “Did you do it? Did it work?”

Celty tapped her hip thoughtfully before showing her reply. **_[I think so. I mean, you’re the expert here Shinra, I just did want you asked me to. It’s more a matter of if Izaya even has a soulmate.]_ ** Despite her words of doubt, Shinra clapped his hands delightedly and attempted to pull Celty into an embrace, which she dodged neatly.

“Oh Celty my love, of course it worked! You’re perfect, you never fail.” Shinra leaned back down to the book Izaya and him had been looking at and scribbled some notes into the margin. “I ran my tests backward and forwards. If Izaya has a soulmate this should induce one of these symptoms within the next twenty-four hours.”

**_[My abilities are unstable.]_ ** Celty warned, waving her free hand nervously. **_[I have no idea which ones will manifest or when or how powerfully. I might have seriously hurt Izaya.]_ ** Shinra glanced up at her screen only momentarily before giving Celty a kind smile.

“Izaya will be fine. He’s survived worse. Besides, I needed to test it on someone.” Dropping his pencil, somewhat dramatically, Shinra gave a shout of laughter and caught Celty’s hands in his own before proceeding to dance in happy circles. “This is going to be so much fun!” he told Celty, who seemed more amused than anything at his antics. “You’re learning to use your abilities and I’m learning more about you and Izaya’s going to have to admit he’s human. It’s wonderful!”

Celty started to pull away to type something but Shinra pulled her closer and smiled. “You’re wondering who it could be. I don’t have a clue.” He smiled as she flicked the side of his head. Suddenly seizing on an idea, he gave another laugh. “What if it was Simon? Or Kadota-san? Or Karisawa-san? Wouldn’t that be a joke!”

**_[What if it’s Shizuo-san.]_ ** Celty managed to suggest. Shinra stopped his merriment for a moment to stare at her, a nervous look finally creeping its way onto his face. **_[I’m just saying, we need to consider the worst-case scenarios here.]_ **

“That would certainly end badly.” Shinra’s laugh was awkward. “But you’ll protect me from them, right Celty my darling?” Though she didn’t give him an answer per say, Shinra could tell anyway that her answer was a begrudging yes. “I knew you would!” he exclaimed, drawing one of her hands up so he could brush a kiss to her knuckles. “It’ll be fine. I mean, what are the chances?”

Taking a moment to imagine Izaya and Shizuo together in a relationship that wasn’t destructive, Celty’s shoulders shook with her own laughter. **_[Of course, what are the chances?]_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But of course, Murphy's law is in effect. Whatever can go wrong will go wrong and it'll go wrong spectacularly.
> 
> Oh boy, this is gonna be fun.


	2. The Pitfalls of Living in a Colorless World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Izaya discovers there's something very wrong with his eyes and Shinra wonders what color his coffin should be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to make it longer but I had to cut myself off. too much crack is probably bad for me...
> 
> Wouldn't want to ruin all that angst I've built up.
> 
> ENJOY!

Izaya awoke with the knowledge that he had a lot to do. This was often how he woke up. Life as an informant was never easy, after all. There were always people to talk to, information to gather, ruffled feathers to smooth and occasionally, a business deal that actually counted for something. If he was lucky, he might even be able to escape his apartment for long enough to go on a merry dance across Ikebukuro with his favorite monster in tow.

It had been about a week, hadn’t it… Much too long since he’d let loose and enjoyed himself. Shizuo might go soft if he didn’t keep him in prime monstrous condition.

But these were all just morning musings and Izaya soon let them drift away in favor of sitting up.

His alarm was beeping softly, reminding him that most people didn’t just naturally wake up at five in the morning, alert and ready to start working.  _ My job is never done, _ he thought as he switched his alarm off and cracked open his eyes, blinking twice to clear the sleep from them.

For what was possibly the first time in Izaya’s life, he was in awe of the sunrise that streamed through his windows. His entire room was bathed in a golden light, turning everything in his room various shades of molten sunlight. Honestly, Izaya had never cared much for ‘the beauty all around him’ but he had to admit, this was something ethereal. Part of him wanted to grab his phone and snap a picture for later.

But the moment passed. These things often do.

Stretching languidly, Izaya slipped out of bed and padded over to his window. This is where he stopped and frowned. Strangely enough, the world outside was also bathed in various shades of yellows and golds. It was a tad disconcerting, if beautiful.  _ I’m fairly certain that this isn’t normal. _ Of course, it might be. He wasn’t a weather man. He didn’t know.

_ Perhaps the apocalypse has come early? That would certainly be convenient... _

Shaking it off as just one of those odd things, he quickly got dressed. He couldn’t help but be irritated when all of his clothing that wasn’t straight black appeared to be different shades of gold as well.  _ What the hell is going on? _ He wondered, a crease forming between his brows.  _ Probably just a trick of the light, _ he decided, at last, shrugging. Ignoring it, he got dressed and quickly grabbed his cell phones and other various important paraphernalia off his dresser.

The numbers on his glowing digital clock were bright yellow.

_ So I’m eighty percent sure that isn’t normal. But willing to concede that there’s a twenty percent chance this is a dream. _

Except it didn’t feel like a dream. It felt very  _ very  _ real.

Starting to feel mildly alarmed, Izaya turned on his phone only to find that this glowing screen too was all in gold. It was as if every color but yellows and golds had been leached from his surroundings, leaving him virtually color blind. 

“The hell?” Knuckling his eyes, Izaya stared around the room, a sense of panic welling up in his throat. This  _ definitely _ wasn’t normal. It wasn’t just the sunrise or a fluke, something was seriously wrong with him.

You know, more than usual.

Gritting his teeth, Izaya darted out of his room and practically flew down his stairs. Around him, his entire apartment shone brightly. Everything, golden and yellow. 

Entirely overwhelming.

Biting his lip, Izaya forced himself to calm down.  _ Panic won’t get me anywhere, there has to be a simple reason for all of this. _ Bringing his laptop to life, Izaya found himself instantly blinded by the off-white of his screen, now a garish yellow. “God,  _ why?” _ he snapped in horror as he inverted his color scheme. With black as his new background, he started searching.

But there was nothing to suggest that sudden color blindness was in any way normal. The only things he found were ridiculous blogs full of superstitious ramblings that didn’t make a lick of sense.

_ I’m wasting my time, there’s nothing here. _

He was about to close the browser out of disgust when a word caught his attention.

_ Soulmates. _

Izaya’s stomach did a very slow revolution.

_ No. Please, no. _

Without his consent, his mind took him back to yesterday morning. His conversation with Shinra and the ridiculous book of information on soulmates that the doctor had shoved in his face. At the time, he’d been convinced it was utter drivel, nothing worth spending time on. But he could remember it all clearly nevertheless.

It was times like this that Izaya wished he wasn’t a genius because, in the next few seconds, his mind was able to put forth a terrifying proposition.

What if Shinra was right?

He’d said an awful lot on the subject but Izaya could quite easily recall each part of it. One of the things he’d mentioned was highly specific color blindness, leaving the person only able to see the color of their soulmate’s eyes.

_ No, he has to be wrong, I do not have a soulmate, they don’t exist. This is perfectly normal I’m sure. Maybe Shinra did something funny to me when I wasn’t paying attention. Perhaps there was something in the ink. I’m sure I read that somewhere… _

But it felt like he was making excuses.

_ What if I have a soulmate? _

Izaya fought the sudden and nigh irrepressible urge to laugh. Him? A soulmate? It was outlandish to the highest orders of magnitude. He didn’t have a soulmate, it was preposterous. Shinra had just been talking out of his ass, there was nothing substantiating his claims at all. Izaya had nothing to worry about, there was another explanation surely.

His fingers drifted towards his phone.  _ But what if… _

He pulled them back. No, absolutely not, there was no way he was going to call Shinra and admit that he had been struck with sudden color blindness. Clearly, it was a setup, calling would be giving in and Izaya hated to be the one looking like a fool.  _ Whatever you’re doing Shinra, it’s not working. You can pull all the adolescent pranks you wish, I don’t care. _

It didn’t matter that Shinra didn’t usually do stupid things like this and he was more likely to be conducting an experiment than pulling a prank, Izaya didn’t care. Besides, it was only colorblindness. There were millions of humans who suffered from the same problem. He shouldn’t complain, he was fine.

Complaining would be giving in as well.

_ Besides, if it were true, how many humans in the world have golden yellow eyes. That’s just ridi- _

Oh.

Well… There was one person with golden eyes...

Nearly leaping out of his chair at the thought, Izaya let loose with a string of curses in Chinese as he glared at the computer screen. NO! No way! He almost felt a little sick to his stomach at the idea. No, this was absolute proof that there was no way this was real.  _ If you were going to try to lead me on Shinra you should have picked a more believable color. _

Because there was no way that  _ he,  _ that  _ beast, _ could possibly be Izaya’s soulmate. That would just be stupid. Utterly impossible. Never in a million years.

_ Pigs will fly before that becomes true. _

Forcing his jumpy nerves to settle, Izaya sat back in his chair. He couldn’t obsess over this, there wasn’t anything rational to obsess over anyway. The best he could do was relax and treat the day as any normal day. With these convictions strong in his heart, Izaya turned back to his computer and opened up his email, determined to forget about the whole thing entirely.

Now if only he could stop seeing in gold…

~•~

Shizuo woke up seeing red.

This was not an unusual color for him. In fact, he saw red at least twenty times a day, more if a certain demonic Flea was involved.

What was unusual was waking up to it.

It kind of pissed him off.

His entire room was bathed in red light, everything looked like someone had splashed blood over the scene, painting it a horrible crimson. Growling, Shizuo sat up in bed and looked around, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. He hadn’t been annoyed when he first woke up but if he was going to be forced to see this color for any length of time, that was going to quickly change.

_ What the fuck is going on? _

Swinging his legs out of bed, Shizuo muttered unintelligible curses under his breath as he moved to the window. It looked like hell on earth, what with the sky stained various shades of bloody and the trees appearing to be ablaze. The first thing it reminded him of was Izaya and that only made him a little bit more irritated.

Aware that his windowsill was crumbling beneath his hands, Shizuo huffed and forced himself to let go, throwing the unfortunate chunk of wood away with an unnecessary amount of force. It dented the wall before falling into the wastebasket.

Glancing at his clock, Shizuo let out a soft  _ shit _ before scrambling to get dressed. Despite the fact that he had suddenly gone color blind, he had work to do. Besides, what did he know about this?

It was still fucking annoying.

The rest of his tiny apartment was suffering from the same malady as his room, though by now he wasn’t surprised he was just pissed. Part of him was wondering if this was all some sort of elaborate prank made to piss him off. He wouldn’t have put it past  _ certain _ individuals to take time out of their life to cause him grief.

A cackling Raven appeared in his mind, fur coat flying out behind him and Shizuo felt the refrigerator's handle bend under his fingers. If there was anyone who would have done this, it would be Izaya.  _ He’s probably involved, the piece of shit is always involved. _

Never mind that it probably had a completely innocuous explanation. Shizuo could already feel irrational anger building up in his bones as he yanked his refrigerator open and tried to find something to eat. Nothing looked at all appetizing in this new lighting and Shizuo spat another few furious curses at his life before yanking out a bottle of milk.

This, thankfully, was still white.

Chugging it, a scowl imprinted on his face, Shizuo wondered if there was something he could do about his fucked up vision, seeing as he wasn’t too keen on going an entire day only able to see red. It was only going to piss him off, after all, he should probably do something about it. He considered calling his boss and asking to take the day off but decided against it at the last second.

No, it was just some weird color issues. He’d be fine. Shizuo was loathe to miss work for any reason and he could talk to the crazy doctor or someone later. Besides, how bad could it possibly be?

Even so, he grabbed his cell phone and sent a quick text to Shinra.

[Something’s fucked w/ my eyesight. I only C red. Can u check it after I get off work?]

He’d hardly finished his bottle of milk when his phone buzzed again.

[Of course, just drop by when you have the time.]

Rolling his neck, Shizuo sighed, straightened his clothing, all weird shades of red, and left his apartment. Really, he’d be fine.

If only the image of Izaya cackling would stop popping into his mind…

~•~

“Celty?” Shinra’s voice was abnormally high pitched, letting the dullahan know just how stressed he was at that moment. Looking up from her program, she saw Shinra, fingers tightly clenched around his phone, face caught between laughter and abject terror.

**_[What?]_ ** She had to wave her PDA under his nose to get his attention. She didn’t like the look on his face, it made her nervous.

Very slowly, Shinra lowered his phone and laughed stiltedly. “So we may have a  _ tiny  _ problem.” Glancing back down at his screen he muttered, “No, scratch that, we have a very big problem. Relatively speaking.”

_Oh gods-_ **_[Is Izaya dead?]_** She demanded, watching Shinra hard. Because what else could it be?

“No,” he murmured, his voice disturbingly light like he’d given up on life in general. “No no nothing like that. Haha, I wish.” With a smile that was nothing short of a grimace, Shinra tossed his phone towards her. Catching it, Celty stared at the screen for a moment before feeling her stomach drop.

**_[Oh gods…]_ ** she typed, staring at Shinra as a sense of dread came over her.  **_[What have you done?]_ **

“In my defense!” Shinra’s laugh was tinny. “I thought the chances of something like this happening were next to none. I mean, there are millions of people in Tokyo, it could have been practically anyone.” His eyes fluttered closed. “Oh, this is not good.”

**_[Well what do we do?]_** Celty could feel her nerves beginning to fray. When she’d agreed to help Shinra in his crazy plot, she hadn’t expected one of her close friends to end up affected. _Cursed more like it._ **_[Do we tell him?]_**

“Tell him!?” Shinra squeaked. “Oh yes Celty darling, telling him would be a great idea. How should we break the news? Balloons or a cake?” Removing his glasses so he could rub his face repeatedly, Shinra moaned, “I am not telling Shizuo-san that the reason his eyesight is messed up is because he’s soulmates with Izaya. I might as well sign my death warrant.”

**_[If he’s only seeing in red you’ve got to tell him something.]_ ** Celty insisted, shaking Shinra’s slowly melting person roughly.  **_[He’s going to find out one way or another.]_ **

“What color should my coffin be?” Shinra asked, eyes distant and unfocused. “I’m thinking black. Celty my dearest, will you be there at the funeral?”

**_[SHINRA FOCUS]_ ** She punched him in the arm, knocking him off the side of the couch. Glaring at him, despite not having eyes to do so with, Celty typed out,  **_[You’re not going to die, we’re going to figure something out. Maybe I can reverse it.]_ **

“That’s just the thing,” Shinra moped, still crumpled against the wall. “There is no way to reverse it. I can’t do anything. We’re doomed. He’s going to kill me.” Slowly picking himself up off the ground, Shinra slumped bonelessly into the nearby armchair. “Izaya’s going to kill me too, once he accepts what’s going on.”

**_[Then why did you tell him to come over?]_ ** Celty demanded, waving her arms about in exasperation.  **_[If you knew what was going to happen you shouldn’t have.]_ **

“What else was I supposed to do?” Shinra whined pitifully. Staring up at Celty despondently, he complained, “I don’t want to end up as a grease stain on the wall. I have so much to live for…”

**_[You’re not going to die. Pull yourself together.]_ ** Celty insisted, wondering if there was anything either of them could say to Shizuo to placate him. There was little doubt in her mind that he’d be pissed. Beyond pissed. This was Shizuo they were talking about after all. He didn’t get calmly annoyed.

He got put-your-fist-through-the-wall-and-knock-the-wall-down-completely annoyed. 

Shinra cracked an eye open and stared at her screen for a moment before his eyes brightened and he leapt up. “That’s it! Celty, you’re a genius!” Grabbing for his glasses and perching them back on his nose, he exclaimed. “We just won’t tell him.”

**_[No, if I recall correctly I told you to tell him.]_ ** Celty protested, avoiding Shinra’s attempt at a hug. Shaking off his look of disappointment, Shinra furrowed his brows.

“You did? Oh, well, we’re still not going to tell him. If he finds out then he finds out but we won’t tell him it’s Izaya and we definitely won’t tell him that we caused it.”

**_[You caused it, I just did what you asked,]_ ** Celty insisted, crossing her arms.  **_[I’m not taking responsibility for this if it all falls through.]_ ** The sight of Shinra dancing about the room, collecting all the research he had been leaving lying around was slightly endearing and it made her feel a little less apprehensive, despite how bad the situation was.

“It won’t fall through,” Shirna said decisively before frowning. “We just have to… do the impossible.” Shooting her a thin smile, the doctor asked, “How long do you think it’ll take for them to tear each other apart?”

Celty didn’t answer. There was no need to. 

They both already knew.

_ Oh, we are all so screwed... _

~•~

Izaya was decidedly  _ not _ having the best day of his life. In fact, it could be said he was having one of the worst. He was quickly discovering that not being able to see color was quite detrimental to one’s abilities to observe.

For instance, everyone had started to look the same. They all had the same shades of hair and skin and eyes. Their clothing was all alike and any other identifying features all started to blend. Izaya supposed that if he’d grown up like this, it wouldn’t be so bad but being thrown into this reality suddenly? Well, it was disorienting, to say the least.

Currently, he was discovering how much harder it was to judge distance when everything looked the same. He’d proved this fact by misstepping twice on his flighty path across the rooftops of Ikebukuro. He was lucky that this building had only been one story high. Unfortunately, the garbage he had landed in had the most horrendous odor.

_ For once I really do smell like shit, just as Shizuo always claims. _

At the thought of Shizuo, Izaya felt a headache begin to overtake him. Bad enough to have to deal with being colorblind. Even worse was the fact that the only reason he’d been able to come up with thus far revolved around Shizuo.

And he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Kind of like a teenage girl obsessing over her first crush although Izaya would have liked to think that this was far more important.

Soulmates. Otherwise known as the most terrifying possibility known to man. Izaya would have prefered permanent color blindness to it being true. Of course it was all just a lie, there was no way in hell he was actually Shizuo's soulmate, Shinra had been talking about things he didn’t understand, it was all lunacy.

But…

Oh that fateful word.

Izaya couldn’t shake it. Once the thought had taken ahold of his brain, he was powerless to get rid of it.  _ There are other people with golden yellow eyes, surely, _ he thought before realizing that by saying that, he was accepting the premise of this whole thing actually having been caused by some stupid connection of fate between two people that no one could change.

_ Stupid. Absolutely stupid. Shizu-chan hates me. Half of Tokyo hates me. I don’t have a soulmate, it’s preposterous. _

Dusting himself off and wrinkling his nose as the smell of trash continued to permeate him at new and terrible levels, Izaya walked out of the alley. The sunlight was blinding, like he was trying to stare at a supernova even when he had his eyes merely fixed on the horizon. It was getting irritating, and it wasn’t helping his headache.

_ I’ve got work to do, there is always work to do, there are always ways to make problems less heinous. Surely it’ll just wear off because soulmates? Please, it’s patently ridiculous. _

And he’d continued to think of it in this way because it made things a whole hell of a lot easier.

Belatedly dodging around a gaggle of girls, forcing him to cut through them, Izaya shook himself into the present and kept walking. Where to? Well, he hadn’t quite thought that through. The only reason he was outside at all was because Namie had thrown him out after he’d made one too many comments about how he might be a vampire because the light was killing him.

It was funny, he was fairly certain that he was the one paying her. Why then was she in charge?

_ Probably because I’m preoccupied with stupid fairy tales, _ he thought despondently, keeping his eyes trained on the ground beneath him least the people walking around him disorient him again. He hadn’t realized how much he’d miss being able to see color but he definitely did. It was just terrible and he couldn’t stand it.

_ Soulmates, eh? _ A sudden thought struck him that left him giggling under his breath. _ If I’m seeing gold, Shizu-chan’s seeing red. _ He couldn’t help but chuckle, completely disregarding the fact that by thinking this he was accepting two absolutely false premises as truth.  _ He’s probably pissed, everything would look terrible. _ Caught in the silliness of it all, Izaya took a moment to bark out a laugh before straightening his shoulders.

No, he shouldn’t be acting like this was all just doom and gloom, if he was truly seeing the color of his soulmate’s eyes, then Shizuo was dealing with far worse. But of course he wasn’t because none of it was real and it was all just a big-

“II-ZAA-YAA!!” Well he’d be able to recognize that feral scream anywhere. There was only one person who sounded like that.  _ Just what I needed. Now I can convince myself once and for all that Shinra’s full of crap. _

Spinning on his heels, Izaya pleasantly greeted, “Shizu-chan!” before catching sight of the man before him and feeling his jaw hit the pavement.

The man was practically glowing. Shining.  _ Blinding _ . Izaya could hardly look at him. His clothing, which was stark black against stark white contrasted seemingly all the more in a world of gold and yellow. His hair, which had always been an amusing shade of blond looked golden in the light, shimmering like someone had dumped a surprising amount of glitter on the unsuspecting monster.

But it was his eyes that Izaya couldn’t stop staring at.  _ Into, stop lying to yourself. _ They were otherworldly, there was no other feasible way to describe them. Izaya felt like a deer caught in the headlights because that’s what they were, twin suns somehow implanted in Shizuo’s skull. Melting, molten, alive, bright, everything that Izaya was never able to see until now. He couldn’t believe he managed to waste that much mental power on Shizuo’s eyes but they were very very distracting so he cut himself some slack.

“What are you doing in Ikebukuro I-za-ya?” Shizuo asked, stalking towards the frozen Raven.  _ Has he always drawn my name out like that?  _ Shaking himself out of his daze, Izaya judiciously starts backing up, preparing himself to flee at any moment.  _ Has he always glowed with power? What is he? _

“Oh, just enjoying a day on the town Shizu-chan,” he responded with his usual flippancy. There was something about Shizuo that had Izaya by the throat and wouldn’t let him go. It was the strangest feeling and yet Izaya couldn’t shake it.  _ Absolutely and entirely overwhelming in every single way. Have I honestly gone my whole life without noticing these things? _ “But enough about me Shizu-chan, how have you been?”

“Pissed,” he growled, a sadistic smile rivaling even Izaya’s stretching his face. It was the look he sometimes got when they fought, always in these early moment before the actual chase began. Always angry, yet darkly delighted to be at it again.

Izaya would like to make it clear that he’s noticed this smile many times before, he just wasn’t aware of how vengeful-god it made Shizuo look until that moment. It helped that he was glowing like a blowtorch.

A very angry, very golden blowtorch…

“Ha? Are you ever not?” Izaya asked lightly, dancing backwards, glad for the reputation that preceded these meetings of steel and mettle. Everyone was already out of their way, fleeing the scene of what was soon to look like a disaster area. “Shizu-chan has always been an instrument of pure, unadulterated rage.”

“Yeah?” Shizuo twisted his neck and there was a soft pop. “Well I’ve been a bit more pissed than usual I-za-ya.”  _ Again with the drawn out name, seriously, why is he doing that?  _  Izaya almost liked where this was going, even with his majorly messed up vision and inability to focus on anything that wasn’t Shizuo. It promised blessed relief from his problems.

“Oh? And pray tell me Shizu-chan,” Izaya taunted, blade sliding into his hand, familiar handle sitting comfortable in his palm. “What has your panties in a twist today?” The street sign beside Shizuo bent and was dragged from the ground, much like one pulls a birthday candle out of a cake.  _ Maybe he’s a lava lamp, what with all that anger melting about… _

“You want to know?” Shizuo, now that Izaya thought about it, was acting almost too calm today. Like a tornado still in the making that was about to wipe out a city. Unfortunately, he had probably realized this a bit too late.

Which was too bad.

Nevertheless, Izaya played the game, because he was fairly confident that he could get out of whatever Shizuo could throw at him. Literally and metaphorically. “Oh Shizu-chan, don’t leave me hanging.” He threw him a simper, flicking his blade out easily. “Tell me.”

Shizuo’s smile turned into a roar as he hefted his street sign like a toothpick. “IT’S BECAUSE I’VE BEEN SEEING NOTHING BUT RED ALL DAY!!!”

Although he was ashamed to admit it, Izaya froze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Thoughts on what's going to happen next?
> 
> Will Shizuo wipe Izaya out? Will Izaya escape?  
> Will they both kill Shinra because he deserves it?  
> Or will other, more fun things happen?
> 
> Who knows. I certainly don't!!


	3. The Negative Affects of Knowing Too Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Izaya throws up and Shinra regrets many of his life choices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this story (for some reason, don't ask me) is doing pretty well. Seriously, I thought that as a writer of angst, no one would care to read my crack but somehow, ya'll enjoy it. 
> 
> So another chapter, just for all of you wonderful people.  
> Enjoy!

Shizuo was pissed, he had every right to be.

As he’d discovered over the course of the day, seeing the world in red was not only fucking annoying, it was really really difficult. After a while, everything started to blur together. Tom had of course noticed something was off from the get-go.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Tom asked, for what was possibly the millionth time after watching Shizuo almost knock yet another debtor into next week.

“NO!” Shizuo finally snapped, denting the mail box beside him and knocking it over. It creaked sadly. His vision pulsed red, which you’d think you’d get used to but no, it was still as terrible as it had been at seven that morning. “No,” he repeated, with a marginal amount more calm in his tone. “I am not.”

Tom just sighed. It was one of the problems of working with Shizuo, occasionally, he just got too tightly wound to do anything but create and cause chaos. Shizuo could see what was coming before it happened, despite the red staining his vision. “Take some time off Shizuo, you’re just going to end up putting more people in the hospital.”

Shizuo opened his mouth to protest, as always, but closed it again because honestly, this was bad enough that he was willing to take the concessions offered to him. “Fine. I’m sorry about this Tom-san.”

“No no,” Tom waved his apologies off. “It’s not everyday someone suddenly goes color blind. Just get it figured out if you can, okay?”

And that was how Shizuo ended up with just too much time on his hands.

“Annoying annoying annoying,” he muttered under his breath, glad for once that most people got out of his way when he started mumbling to himself like this. The sky kept glowing in angry shades of fire, potentially breathtaking if he hadn’t been seeing it all day. It all reminded him of one person.

Izaya.

Which pissed him off.

“DAMMIT!” he yelled out of nowhere, the bricks of the building next to him suffering the brunt of his anger. Whatever was going on with his vision was wreaking havoc with his mind. He’d never known how much color could affect one’s life until all he could see was red everywhere.

Everything was hell, everything looked like hell.

For once in his life, Shizuo almost wanted to see Izaya. The man was convenient stress relief in a neatly sized body that always got out of the way just in time. Annoying, yet good because he didn’t have to worry about actually killing Izaya. If he actually did, it wouldn’t be that much of a problem anyway.

Because the man was a pest. Who would miss him?

Attempting a deep breath, Shizuo tried to direct his mind elsewhere. Pulling out his phone, Shizuo contemplated going to Shinra’s for a moment. It would be a decent use of his time after all with the rest of the day off. Better still if Shinra could fix his problem. _He did just say to drop by…_ With a shrug, Shizuo snorted and directed himself towards Shinra’s.

And he would have been fine, if he hadn’t smelled the unmistakable stench of shit.

His focus narrowed. _Izaya. Of course he’d show up the moment I’d settled on doing something else._

Searching the throngs of people, all looking like distorted demons through his red vision, Shizuo looked for Izaya, half pissed he was there at all,  half-relieved to have a chance to relieve some stress. Like some god of chance was smiling on him, the crowds parted momentarily, revealing the despicable man.

Without thinking, Shizuo roared. “II-ZAA-YAA!!” People around them took notice and began to scatter. Thank god, Shizuo hated when their fights hurt innocent bystanders.

Turning on a dime, Izaya faced Shizuo, sending the man reeling internally.

_The fuck?_

It was like looking at a black hole and an explosion at the same time. Izaya’s coat seemed to suck the light from the surroundings, which were already oppressive enough, except for the fur, which looked to be streaked with blood, just how Shizuo had always imagined it was. His pale skin looked sinisterly red, so much brighter than the faces of the people around them, like he glowed with hellish light.

But the thing Shizuo couldn’t look away from were the man’s eyes. They swirled and danced with fire, passion, cruelty, _life._ The moment he saw them, the rest of the world ceased to exist, like he was a cat chasing a laser. Maybe it was his imagination, but Izaya’s entire figure glowed brighter than anything else around them, even the sun. It made the rest of the landscape look dull in comparison.

Like he was staring at his own personal supernova

“Shizu-chan!” Izaya all but purred, giving a slight bow of greeting before his eyes widened. It was funny, Shizuo had gone his whole life sort of just knowing what Izaya was feeling because to him, the man was an open book. Now, he could see each thing perfectly and it annoyed him in an odd way. _Why is he surprised, why does he look awed? The fuck?_

But no, that wasn’t the point of this exercise, the point of this was to attempt to wipe Izaya off the map. That had always been the goal after all. Why mess with a good thing? “What are you doing in Ikebukuro, I-za-ya?” Shizuo drawled, enjoying stretching out the name as he advanced on the hellish Flea. He could clearly see the moment where the man snapped back into the present and started backing up.

“Oh, just enjoying a day on the town Shizu-chan,” he riposted arily, totally not in line with the way his eyes kept traveling over Shizuo, like he was looking at a god. It was so easy to see what he was thinking when every feeling translated into the shifting crimson of his eyes. “But enough about me, Shizu-chan, how have you been?”

Shizuo managed his first smile of the day. A twisted and terrifying replica of a smile if he was being honest, but a smile. “Pissed,” he answered, practically pleasant. Of all the things he’d seen that day, Izaya was the hardest to look at, but only because of how intensely he burned. Hell, condensed down into one limber vessel, a microcosm of destruction.

For some reason known only to Izaya, the answer delighted the man. “Ha? Are you ever not?” he mocked, his feet quick as they brushed over the pavement, hardly touching as if Izaya was ready to take flight. Shizuo noted the way his fingers twitched over his pocket, saw the flicker of a sneer that melted into his familiar smirk and loved every bit of it.

For once, he felt like his wild rage had condensed into a focused beam. There was something about the hellspawn before him that allowed him to do that, channel what usually came out in erratic bursts. In this moment, he was almost calm.

Just with more rage bubbling under the surface. A tempest, brewing.

Curling a lip, revealing teeth that looked almost bloodstained, Izaya added, “Shizu-chan has always been an instrument of pure, unadulterated rage.”

“Yeah?” Shizuo growled, not bothering to decipher the mess of words that had just tumbled out of Izaya’s mouth. Cracking his neck, feeling very much like a tiger stalking his prey, he admitted, “Well, I’ve been a bit more pissed than usual I-za-ya.” Shizuo found he liked the way Izaya’s eyes sparked with fire every time he said his name like that. He’d never seen Izaya look like this before. Maybe it was because the color had hidden his true form, maybe because Shizuo had never been so intensely focused on one thing until this moment.

Either way, Izaya’s presence filled the world, dangerous, taunting.

“Oh?” Izaya’s false sympathy dripped off his tongue like venom from the fang of a snake. It must have been poison because Shizuo could feel his blood rising to a boil once more, familiar rage filling him, compounding the stress and frustration already there. “And pray tell me Shizu-chan, what has your panties in a twist today?”

“You want to know?” Shizuo ripped the nearest metal object from the ground easily, liking its even weight. He noted the blade sliding into Izaya’s palm, still closed, but ready. What metal was visible looked red hot in the sun, like Izaya was holding molten metal in his hand, sealed together only by the dark handle encasing it.

He took another step forward, the blade flicked out. Both of them were primed to fire, the only thing left was the spark, igniting yet another fierce battle. Another feverish chase. “Oh Shizu-chan,” the nicknamed dripped off his tongue. “Don’t leave me hanging, tell me!”

And there was the spark, next came the blaze. Hefting his potential projectile, Shizuo roared, “IT’S BECAUSE I’VE BEEN SEEING NOTHING BUT RED ALL DAY!!” and threw the street sign.

If asked about it later, Shizuo would have claimed he saw nothing, but at that moment, there was no mistaking it. At his words, Izaya froze for a moment and those red eyes flickered with absolute, gut-wrenching terror, before he flipped backwards, avoiding the street sign like nothing was wrong.

But of course, Shizuo could care less. It was Izaya’s job to move or Shizuo would remove him. Permanently.

Taking off, Izaya chuckled a little too loudly. “Oh Shizu-chan, that sounds like a medical problem.” A vending machine found itself lodged in the side of a building, setting off the alarms inside. Shizuo tore after the man, all else forgotten but the words coming out of Izaya’s mouth and the chase at hand. “I do hope you’ve gotten that looked at. I’d hate my favorite monster to end up dead after all.”

A stoplight was ripped from the ground before it was sent hurtling in Izaya’s direction. There was such familiarity to the moment, Shizuo almost found it comforting. As expected, Izaya danced over it, only the tip of his shoe hitting the metal before he vaulted up to the second story roof of the buildings beside them.

“It’s funny,” Shizuo growled, fingers digging into crumbling brick as he launched himself up after Izaya. “The entire the world is the same color as you. It really-” An exhaust unit was ripped from the roof. “PISSES ME OFF!!” Izaya threw himself off the roof, plummeting just in time for the flying hunk of metal to go over his head.

Falling in such a way that could have been mistaken for flying, Izaya hit the roof of the building below at a run. Shizuo followed, the shock traveling through him as he hit the ground and took off after the devil he was chasing.

“Like me?” Izaya took a moment to perch atop a weather vane. “Oh Shizu-chan-” He wasn’t even fazed as Shizuo used a flagpole to destroy the unfortunate roof ornament. “I’m simply flattered.” Using the pole as a launch pad, Izaya flipped over Shizuo, managing to smirk at him as he flew over his head.

For a second, time slowed and Shizuo saw the panic in Izaya’s eyes, the denial and the fear.

But then the moment was over as he landed behind the blond and simply leapt off the roof to the street below. With an all consuming roar, Shizuo took off after him. Over the edge of the roof, back to the pavement. Feet struck, power rushed. Without even thinking twice, Shizuo lifted a nearby vending machine over his head.

“It wasn’t a fucking _COMPLIMENT!”_ Izaya was almost too slow but once again, he got out of the way too easily. Glowing steel flashed and Shizuo roared out of principle as dark crimson stained his shirtsleeve. Though it was vibrant, it came nothing close to matching the wild light in Izaya’s eyes. Even to matching the aura pulsing around him.

“Complements are objective,” Izaya said slyly, swirling behind Shizuo, forcing him to give ground to avoid the sharp bite of his knife. “As is anything that is opinionated. For instance,” Izaya danced back out of Shizuo’s reach before sing-songing, “You’re positively glowing today Shizu-chan!”

“The hell is that supposed to mean?!” Shizuo snarled with a twisting smile, grabbing for a new street sign, sweeping it out, trying to knock Izaya off his feet. Like the snake he was, Izaya bent backwards out of the poll’s way. The metal just barely ruffled the fur trim of his coat. By the time Shizuo was coming back for another go, Izaya was already somewhere else.

“You’re just pulsing with light,” Izaya answered, almost like his mouth was moving without his consent. “Like the sun, god strike me if I lie.” Another strike, another crafty dodge. “I swear, you’re practically golden, I would almost say you looked like a wrathful god.”

Somehow, coming out of Izaya’s mouth, it all sounded like a bad thing. “SHUT THE HELL UP!!” Charging, Shizuo felt his fist connect with something. Surprised, he froze for a moment as he watched Izaya go flying over the tops of the cars rushing through the road before slamming  into a vending machine on the other side of the street. _When was the last time I actually hit him?_ Shizuo wondered, plowing ahead despite the traffic. Most cars stopped, the ones that didn’t suffered the consequences.

Izaya, for his part, shook off his daze quickly, eyes already snapping back into focus. With a grin that was more of a grimace than anything, Izaya drew a second knife and hissed, “See Shizu-chan?” Blurring in Shizuo’s vision, just a trail of fire, Izaya carved up the arm Shizuo extended to keep him from hitting anything vital. “All flattery is relative.”

Before Shizuo could utter a reply or even turn, he heard Izaya brightly announce, “But I must be going Shizu-chan. Ta ta for now!” And with that he was gone, almost like he’d never existed.

Except he had, the crimson staining his arms was proof of that.

Growling under his breath, Shizuo tilted his head back and let out a short laugh. While he was still a little bit shaken by the fact that he’d actually managed to hurt Izaya, he couldn’t deny the fact that he felt better. Much better.

Of course now he definitely had to visit Shinra's. No doubt some of those cuts would need stitches. Rolling his shoulders, ignoring the cars honking at him, Shizuo meandered back to the sidewalk and continued towards the doctor’s house, mind much lighter than before.

If only the man wasn’t such a shitty Flea…

~•~

A few streets away, up on a roof four stories up, Izaya collapsed to the ground, unable to breathe.

This wasn’t, of course, because of the fight he’d just been through. No, he could survive through one of those merry jaunts without so much as breaking a sweat. This was a different kind of out of breath, this was a oh-deary-me-I-might-be-going-into-catalytic-shock-what-a-shame kind of inability to breathe. Rolling over onto his back, Izaya had to let out a disbelieving laugh.

Because the unthinkable had happened and he wasn’t sure what else to do.

_Haha, my world is coming down around my ears, isn’t it just hilarious?_

Izaya’s laughter quickly turned to pained gasps of air as he curled up and hid himself from the world. No, this couldn’t be happening, he refused to believe it. It was a mistake, it _had_ to be a mistake. There was no way that _Shizuo Heiwajima,_ terrifying monster and general destructive force of nature could possibly be his soulmate. It just _wasn’t. Possible._

No.

It wasn’t.

Izaya was dimly aware that he was shaking in fear. _No, not fear, I’m fine. Everything is perfectly fine._ Except no, no it wasn’t fine. It was the furthest thing from fine.

_Soulmates._

The word echoed through his mind. Shinra’s smile accompanied by the words, _isn’t it amazing?_

He was probably going to kill the doctor next time he saw him, if he ever saw him again. If Izaya didn’t pitch himself off of the tallest building in Ikebukuro first. Because he was soulmates with _Shizuo_ and that made death look pretty tempting.

_There’s probably a perfectly reasonable explanation…_

But there wasn’t, Izaya already had his answer. Opening his eyes blearily, Izaya stared at one of his trembling knives, still stained with Shizuo’s blood. It glowed in the sun, bright honey standing against the sickly yellow of the steel. He could still remember what it had looked like to cut into Shizuo, like he was wounding an ancient god, spilling light over the world.

Like he glowed, inside and out, almost like a door to heaven.

_What’s wrong with me, why am I thinking like this?_

Huddling up tighter, Izaya tried to think through the situation rationally. If- if Shizuo was his soulmate, that meant the gold he’d been seeing all day really was his eye color. _And Shizuo’s been seeing mine, poetic justice if I’d ever heard of it._ And the only way to cure this color blindness was…

To kiss Shizuo.

Because something else was now the master of his fate and Izaya was powerless.

Izaya’s already upset stomach rebelled and he found himself on his hands and knees as he was violently ill. _No, no no nononono. This is not okay. I can’t, I WON’T!_ There was nothing in heaven or on earth that could make Izaya do _anything_ like that with Shizuo. He was in control of his own life! His stomach heaved again, and Izaya felt sick as he watched his breakfast and lunch make themselves known on the rooftop.

His throat burned and his eyes watered. Izaya wondered if this feeling of absolute helplessness was what hell felt like.

The sun beat down on him harshly as he scrambled back from the foul mess he’d made but the brightness was nowhere close to that of Shizuo. Closing his eyes for a moment as Izaya tried to control his trembling, he saw a clear image in his mind’s eye. A glowing ethereal being, not much different than an angel really.

Beautiful.

Terrible.

Terfiying.

Using an exposed pipe, Izaya dragged himself to his feet, pretending like his legs weren’t shaking. Jerkily, he wiped his mouth, knowing, even though everything looked gold, that his skin was ashen. _I can’t deal with this right now._

At least Shirna never said anything about more than one symptom manifesting itself. Izaya had to admit, out of all of them, other than the clock stopping one, this was probably the best possible scenario. The idea of having to deal with some of the other things Shinra had mentioned had Izaya almost grateful that this was his lot.

 _I should go see Shinra,_ Izaya thought, staring out blankly at the yellow world around him. _I should see if he can help me._ His stomach turned again and he shook his head. No, he wouldn’t give the man the satisfaction, he wouldn’t go crawling to him after what he’d said on the subject. He had more pride than that.

_But what if this ends badly..._

Clamping down on his fear, Izaya swallowed back the acrid taste in his mouth and started slowly towards the fire escape. He’d be fine.

As long as Shizuo didn’t find out that they were soulmates, he’d be fine.

Perfectly fine…

~•~

Shinra was in the middle of bandaging some mid ranking gang member when the knock came. His heart froze because he knew that sound, knew what it meant without having to be told. _Oh god, I’m going to die. This is not going to end pretty. Farewell cruel world._

He heard some mumbled conversation outside the room, tried to drown it out by rattling off some healing requirements to his patient, who hadn’t yet realized something was amiss. “Just don’t do anything too strenuous and you shouldn’t reopen any wounds. If you have any complications arrange a follow up appointment.” _If I’m still alive at that point._ “And try not to get shot.”

_Again._

As the man was leaving, Celty leaned around the door. **_[He hasn’t destroyed anything yet. That’s progress, right?]_ ** Her hope was endearing.

“Oh Celty my love, we can only wish.” Straightening his coat, feeling like he was walking out towards his execution, Shinra stepped into the living/waiting room and attempted a pleasant smile at Shizuo that came out as a grimace. “So, Shizuo-san, what seems to be the trouble?”

Unexpectedly, the man held out his arms. “Izaya cut me up again. I think a couple of them need stitches.” Shizuo sounded so blase about it that it almost threw Shirna for a loop. He’d expected more rage. “Fucking flea,” the man added, as if anyone had needed him to reaffirm his hatred of the man.

Shinra certainly hadn’t, it only made him that much more apprehensive. _What do I do? If I tell him, he’ll kill me!_ “Ah, I see.” And then, because literally nothing, not even his imminent death could curtail his curiosity, “How is Izaya by the way?”

Looking up at him with no small amount of suspicion, Shizuo grunted, “Same louse as always.” An expected answer, but honestly, not the one Shinra was looking for. _I would have expected more screaming and crying._ “But he was glowing and shit. Like, it was really fucking weird.” Shizuo pondered his own words for a moment, then shrugged. “I dunno.”

With a slight frown, Shinra mindlessly peeled Shizuo’s sleeve off of his wounds and probed, “Glowing? How?” When Shizuo shot him another skeptical look, gave him a surrendering shrug. “Purely curious, purely curious. Besides, it might be important.”

Huffing, Shizuo shifted, almost as if he were uncomfortable. “Everyone else is red, yeah? Everything and everyone cause that’s the only color I can see?” Another awkward moment of shifting, leading to Shirna glaring at the man so he’d stop making his job harder. “Yeah, well he was… brighter. Like everything about him was brighter. It was like looking at the fucking sun.” Trailing off, he stared at the wall hard, like it might reveal the answers to his predicament.

Part of Shinra felt for his friend who was currently experiencing such concentrated colorblindness, the rest of him rejoiced because his experiments had worked, albeit in the worst way possible. Giving an awkward laugh, Shinra said, “Well, I mean, it could be worse, right?”

“Is this what it’s like to be Izaya?” Shizuo asked irritably, not listening to Shinra at all. “Is that why he’s such a bastard? Because he has to deal with seeing the world like this?”

Shinra opened his mouth, shut it again, then said, “Shizuo-san, didn’t you learn anything in science back in highschool?”

“Huh?” Shizuo finally took notice of him. “No, I was usually on the roof chasing Izaya at that time.”

“Figures.” Sighing, Shinra gratefully accepted the medical tools Celty had brought him and got to stitching up the deepest of Shizuo’s lacerations. Really, they weren’t as bad as he’d anticipated. Usually, Izaya cut deeper, cleaner too. An idea forming in his head, Shinra carefully asked, “Did Izaya seem… different to you today? Off?”

“Didn’t you just ask this?” Shizuo grumbled, glaring at Shinra, but not with as much force as usual. It was funny, the doctor would have almost described him as sated, like he’d been satisfied and now could sit back and relax.

Pulling at one of the stitches a bit too hard, Shinra said, “Humor me.”

“Yeah,” Shizuo muttered, looking at Shinra seriously, soberly. “He looked fucking scared.” Feeling his stomach sink, Shinra nodded and refocused his attention on the stitches. If Izaya was scared… Well, Shinra had almost hoped the man would be angry at him, fly off the handle even, but this? This wasn’t good. He’d never liked the prospects of dealing with a scared Izaya. It made him worry.

“So why don’t you tell me about your eye problem,” Shinra suggested lightly after he’d finished dressing Shizuo’s injuries, most of which were always healing. Pretending to examine Shizuo’s eyes, Shinra continued, “When did it start? What exactly are you seeing? Details in general.”

Shizuo snorted, but held still as Shinra shone a penlight in the blond man’s eyes. _When is he going to catch on to my lie and how much data can I collect before then?_ He really shouldn’t stick his neck out like this but he couldn’t resist. “I dunno how long, I woke up with it this morning.”

From behind him, Celty held up her PDA. **_[Shinra, stop being an idiot!]_ **

“I’m just seeing everything in red mostly,” Shizuo continued, oblivious to Celty’s words or Shinra’s internal struggle. “Like… The color of Izaya’s eyes.” Another moment of silence that was only tense for Shinra and Celty. “It’s fucking annoying.”

Reaching for his clipboard, Shinra started rapidly taking down everything that Shizuo was saying. It matched up perfectly, it was almost frightening. But, Shinra was willing to bet that has something to do with Shizuo's lack of an agenda. Izaya would've been trying to spin it, he was never candid after all, never quite willing to admit when something was wrong. It made Shinra’s job a lot harder. Shizuo, at least, was honest.

_Shizuo Heiwajima is soulmates with Izaya Orihara._

_Then again, I’m in love with a headless fairy._

“Do you have any idea what’s wrong?” Shizuo asks, watching Shinra dubiously, almost like he knows that the doctor knows something he isn’t letting on. The blond is generally an idiot, but Shinra knows the man can be unfortunately perceptive when he wants to be as well.

Glancing up, Shinra catches Celty waving her screen insistently. **_[Just tell him Shinra. For the love of god, don’t do something stupid.]_ ** Shaking his head, Shinra smiles falsely at Shizuo.

“Nope!” He laughed awkwardly and babbled, “I have no idea what happened, it must be a crazy new disease and besides even if it wasn’t I’m not actually a doctor, I’m just a practicing one but whatever is wrong I swear I had nothing to do with it so-” Shinra cowered as Shizuo’s eyes narrowed and he started to rise. “Please don’t kill me,” he squeaked.

“What. The fuck. Is wrong with me?” Shizuo growled, no longer calm. Shinra gave another high pitched laugh.

“I mean, other than the fact you’re only able to see Izaya’s eye color everywhere, absolutely nothing!” Shinra held up his clipboard like it was a shield. “You’re the very picture of health!”

His clipboard snapped in half. Trembling, Shinra stared over the top of the broken plastic at Shizuo, who was wearing a dangerous look that could be interpreted as a grin. “What did you do?”

Shinra whimpered. “Woe is me! I didn’t mean to do this, I am but the victim in this situation!” There was the sound of breaking glass and splintering wood. _Hah, the coffee table was ugly anyway._ “Shizuo-san,” he pleaded pathetically. “L-let’s think about th-this logically.”

“WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME??” Shizuo thundered, lifting Shinra by the lapels of his coat and shaking him like a ragdoll. “Tell me,” he said, voice dropping to a dangerous growl. “Or I swear, I will fucking-”

There was a sudden swirl of black smoke and Shinra felt Shizuo release him as the blond was dragged back a fraction by Celty. **_[Shizuo, I’m sorry but we can’t talk about anything if you’re going to hurt Shinra.]_ **

“Oh, I don’t want to hurt him!” Shizuo said, freeing himself forcefully from Celty’s restraints like they were paper. “I just want someone to tell me what tHE FUCK IS GOING ON!”

Scrambling to hide behind his couch, Shinra squeeked, “I may have performed potentially unlawful and definitely unannounced experiments on Izaya for the sake of science.”

The couch was lifted into the air to reveal Shizuo. “What is that supposed to mean?” His voice was surprisingly calm for someone so furious. “Why the hell does this have anything to do with me?”

“Um, well…” There was a creaking sound as Shinra’s couch lurched alarmingly. In a rush, Shinra babbled, “YouandIzayaareactuallysoulmates oh _god please don’t kill me!!”_

There was a moment of silence as Shizuo processed what Shinra had said. You could practically see the rusty gears grinding into motion. “Fucking what?” he asked at last, staring at the cowering doctor in disbelief.

“I… Um, well you see…” Shirna dithered until his couch found a new home in the wall. “I found out that soulmates are real so I wanted to know if you could induce the symptoms in people artificially so I tried it on Izaya just to see but I never thought it would end this way and I’m really sorry if I’d known I never would have done something like this so please please don’t kill meee~”

“Are you trying to tell me,” Shizuo said slowly, ignoring Celty who had rushed to Shinra’s side to help the shaking man to his feet. “That I’m soulmates with the fucking Flea?”

Ignoring Celty’s screen that said, **_[I told you from the beginning that this was a bad idea.]_ ** Shinra straightened his glasses and said, “Yes. You are.”

“Can you fix it?” Shizuo asked, his golden eyes simmering with rage held just below the surface, a second from exploding.

“Shizuo-shan,” Shinra said, his usual doctor voice suffering under the pressure. “There’s no fixing things like this. I’m not the one who decides who are soulmates and who aren’t. I just induced the symptoms. Izaya and you were already soulmates, you just didn’t know it.”

“There is no way,” Shizuo’s eyes were possibly smoking, his skin was definitely steaming. “That _I_ am soulmates,” Shinra took another few steps back, terrified of the possibility of Shizuo going nuclear. “With IZAYA!”

“But you are,” Shinra insisted, cringing when his armchair flew through the wall of his operating room, leaving a nice gaping hole in its wake. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize this would happen. I mean, what were the chances of you and Izaya actually being-”

Celty slapped a hand over Shinra’s mouth, finally shutting the doctor up.

“Okay,” Shizuo said, pacing around the now mostly empty living room. He didn’t even blink when the couch he’d thrown through the other wall groaned and broke in half under the strain. “So let’s just say that this bullshit is true.” Rounding on Shinra he demanded, “How the fuck do I make my vision go back to normal?”

Pushing aside Celty’s hand gently, Shinra, knowing that this might be the final nail in the coffin, softly said, “You have to kiss Izaya.”

For a moment, it really looked like Shizuo might lose it, then the man took a deep breath, turned around, and walked out of the room. A second later, there was the sound of the front door slamming, rattling the very foundation of the building. After a moment of shocked silence, both Shinra and Celty let out their own versions of relieved breaths.

“You know,” Shinra mumbled, picking up a chunk of plaster and staring at it forlornly. “That could have gone marginally better.”

There was loud crash as another piece of the operation room’s wall fell to the street below. **_[You think?]_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, oh boy. How long do you think they're going to survive? 
> 
> But on the bright side, Shinra's still alive. Don't think that's going to last long but we can hope.
> 
> You have to feel at least a little bad for Izaya, all that stress is getting to him, poor child.


	4. Enter! Shizuo's Bad Ideas©

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Shizuo has an idea and Namie gets a wonderful deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A day late! (T.T) I'm a monster, I know. I feel terrible  
> BUT
> 
> I promise you this chapter is worth it.
> 
> Enjoy!

Shizuo stared blankly at his ceiling, watching the smoke from his cigarette swirl above his head. It was rather trippy, considering the color scheme but he was determined to ignore it.  _ Shinra’s full of shit. I’m not fucking soulmates with the goddamn Flea.  _ He’d never trusted Shinra anyways, now he had proof that the man was completely mental.

Not that he’d really needed it.

His phone buzzed and Shizuo groaned.

**_[Did you have to destroy the entire apartment?]_ **

Feeling a tad guilty, if only for Celty’s sake, Shizuo quickly sent an apology.

_ [Sorry Celty, it’s just Shirna kept pissing me off.] _

I mean, who would actually believe something so stupid? Soulmates? God, it sounded insane.

He couldn’t get the image of Izaya, glowing like the surface of a star, out of his head. Like it had been burned into his retinas.

**_[Well he was being a bit stupid, I warned him not to. I told him to just tell you straight up instead of trying to beat around the bush like that.]_ **

Shizuo snorted at the idea of Celty trying to keep Shinra in line. It was funny that one of the most powerful beings in the city was reduced to just asking politely because of something as simple as love.  _ If anyone would be soulmates, it would be those two. _ So lost in this rather ridiculous train of thought was he that it took Shizuo a moment to realize what Celty had been implying.

_ [Don’t tell me you believe that shit about soulmates!] _

Pulling a face, Shizuo took a long drag of his cigarette.  _ Just how many people did Shinra drag into this lunacy? _

**_[Well considering that I technically helped, yes, I suppose I do. I mean, we have the evidence right there. I’d have thought if anyone would believe it, it would be you!]_ **

Grinding his teeth around the stick, Shizuo furrowed his brows. It still seemed stupid to him, no matter how red his vision was. But if Celty believed it…

_ [I dunno. I still think it’s a load of shit. I mean, no one deserves to be soulmates with Izaya.] _

_ Especially me… _ Brooding, Shizuo plucked his cigarette from his mouth and put it out in the ashtray. Right now, he didn’t really want to have to think about the subject. It made his head hurt.

_ Is Izaya really seeing gold everywhere? _ The thought made Shizuo smile darkly. Izaya, ruler of everything dark and unholy in the world, only able to see sunshine and brightness everywhere? That was pretty fucking amusing.

_ Of course, that’s if we’re soulmates. _

Suddenly, Shizuo got struck with a ridiculous urge.  _ What if I just went and asked the Flea? _

Snorting, Shizuo closed his eyes.  _ Yeah, like that would go over well. Hey Flea, we hate each other but Shinra says were soulmates. Just how full of bullshit is he really? _ No, he’d rather live like this his whole life than do that.

Besides, there wasn’t even any proof they were really soulmates…

Shizuo dreamed of blood. Of red lights and always of Izaya, dancing around him in a convoluted set of steps he couldn’t hope to understand.

When he woke up he didn’t really feel refreshed, but at least he’d gotten some sleep. Unfortunately, his vision still hadn’t changed.  _ Well I didn’t expect any different. _

The red was actually getting rather normal. It was odd, after seeing Izaya, who shone so brightly, everything else was muted. Less heinous. Definitely annoying, but not as infuriating as it had been which made him feel a little better.

_ Is this going to be the rest of my life, seeing the world in red? _ God he hoped not, but he supposed that he could at least function with it.  _ I should probably call up Tom and tell him I’m good to come in today. _

Picking up his phone from where he’d left it the night before, Shizuo noticed a message from Celty that he hadn’t gotten before he’d fallen asleep.

**_[Don’t discount it so soon. I know it seems unfair considering it’s Izaya, but I’m telling you it’s true and there’s not much you can do about it besides get used to it.]_ **

The words made him feel nervous. Renewed thoughts of his predicament crashed over him and Shizuo almost groaned aloud. He wasn’t even sure how to react, it was so out of the ordinary.  _ God, why does it have to be the fucking Flea? _ Shizuo spent a moment wondering if he cracked the man’s skull open, would his vision go back to normal. Probably not, he wasn’t that lucky.

It pissed him off because if had been anyone else, it would have been bearable but it just had to be Izaya that everyone was convinced he was inextricably connected to. Like everyone had gotten together to play a horrible joke on him but he still couldn’t see the punch line.

_ It’s just color blindness, it’s not that bad… _

That’s when Shizuo realized that something was off.

He hadn’t noticed it a moment before. It wasn’t, after all, particularly obvious. In fact, if he hadn’t been already so attuned to anything strange and abnormal, Shizuo wouldn’t have thought anything of it.

But he noticed, and he felt his stomach sink.

Written on his arm, in tight, spiky, slanted cursive was a name.

_ Izaya Orihara _

Shizuo felt his blood pressure spike.

_ The fuck?? _ Rubbing at it effectually, Shizuo found himself racing towards his bathroom, caught between fury and disbelief. When no amount of scrubbing could take it off, Shizuo examined it closer. It didn’t look like pen, it almost looked like a tattoo but the blond had never seen a tattoo that looked so clear before. And how could it have just appeared?

Storming back into his room, Shizuo snatched back up his phone.

_ [Shinra, why the fuck do I have Izaya’s name tattooed on my wrist? What kind of shit is this?] _

While he waited for a response, Shizuo scratched irritably at the name imprinted on his skin. Though he hadn’t seen it at first, he gradually became aware of the fact that the ink glowed subtly, a glimmer of crimson that reminded him again of the man it represented. 

_ Stuck on my body, stuck on my mind, what else is the Flea going to get his damned hooks into? _

His phone buzzed.

_ [That’s not supposed to happen…] _

_ Yes Shinra, thanks for the help. _

_ [Damn right it’s not. Fix it!] _

Digging his fingers into his hair to keep from irritating his wrist, Shizuo stomped into his living room, trying to find something else to focus on besides his problems.  _ Why? Does this mean it’s real? Am I really soulmates with Izaya? _

Shinra’s response was clearly panicked.  _ [I can’t fix it, it’s another symptom of soulmates. But you weren’t supposed to get more than one, this shouldn’t be happening. I need to go look over my notes again] _

_ [That doesn’t help me] _

_ [You should come down and let me run some tests on you!!] _

The plastic casing around his phone cracked.  _ Screw this, Shinra’s useless. _

And that’s when an idea struck him. A crazy, absolutely stupid idea as a certain Flea would say, but an idea that he was determined to carry out nonetheless. Dropping his now worthless phone to his counter, Shizuo walked back into his room, quickly changing clothes. 

_ What has gotten into me? _ he wondered, straightening the bow-tie out of force of habit and not even bothering with his hair.  _ What the hell am I thinking? _

But that was just it, he wasn’t thinking. All Shizuo wanted were answers and if Shinra wouldn’t give them to him, then he’d find some for himself.

Outside was the same hellish landscape from the day before, all the demons out and about got out of his way though. He probably looked furious. Well, Shizuo was. Currently he had the name of his worst enemy tattooed on his arm and vision that only ever came out red. That should be enough to drive anyone up the wall.

And the whole thing about soulmates? It was madness!

And yet Shizuo was pretty sure he believed it at this point. Because what other explanation was there? He didn’t like it, in fact, it made him feel a little sick once he got past all the anger but the matter still stood. Something was messing with his and Izaya’s life in the exact same way and Shizuo wasn’t going to stand by and let that happen.

Glancing at the name on his wrist, Shizuo could have sworn it was glowing more brightly the closer he got. Which was stupid, because it felt too ridiculous and he hated seeing more concrete proof that Shinra wasn’t just making shit up.

Hell, he’d been almost counting on it being complete bull but this seemed to be proving it.  _ Soulmates. Sooner or later I’m going to have to face that fact. _ But not right now, now he had a purpose, a mission if you will and he was going to pour his focus into this and pretend everything else wasn’t important.

Except it all was tied together into one big mess, something Shizuo wasn’t sure how to untangle.

_ I wonder how Izaya’s taking this? _ It was an unusual question, one that had never crossed Shizuo’s mind until then. He’d never really cared about how the Flea was doing, generally considering his existence to be a stain on the world but right now, he couldn’t help it.

_ He’s probably pretty freaked out. _ Izaya would take something like this more seriously after all, probably, he’d be panicking, trying to figure out what to do.  _ He’s probably pretty horrified that I’m his soulmate. _ With a rueful laugh, Shizuo shook his head, watching as the businesses of Ikebukuro faded behind him.

_ Well the feeling is mutual. _

With that thought in his mind, Shizuo sped up, trying to ignore the idea of Izaya staring at his own wrist, at golden letters that spelled out his name. It was satisfying in a strange way. The satisfaction vanished though as an image of Izaya, eyes wide with fear and lip caught between his teeth flashed through his mind. An unpleasant wave of emotions hit him and Shizuo banished all thoughts of Izaya from his mind.

He might have hated the man, but he couldn’t relish his emotional distress. It felt wrong.

Looking about, Shizuo tried to get his bearings. He’d only been here once before, half by accident, half because he’d been curious. Half because he’d been pissed and it had worked out. In the end, it had all culminated in a perfect pinnacle of opportunity.

But none of that was at play at this moment. Right now, all one-hundred and fifty percent of him just wanted some fucking answers.

The woman at the front desk only looked at him for a second before her eyes widened and she reached for a phone. Glaring at her, Shizuo didn’t even stop to see if she put it down. He knew she had. 

Probably, she remembered the damage he’d caused last time.

Without thinking twice about it, Shizuo headed for the stairs, too full of energy to bother with the elevators, no matter how fast the fancy things were. His mind blurred as he walked up the towering flights of stairs. He knew deep down that this was actually slower but to that he said fuck it. Standing in a tiny enclosed space, listening to bad music and dealing with worse people just wasn’t something Shizuo had patience for.

He was surprised he still remembered the floor number, the apartment number too. As he stood outside the door, Shizuo found himself self-consciously running a hand through his untamed hair before realizing what he was doing and forcing his hands to stay still.

The chipped paint and strain marks on an otherwise immaculate door made Shizuo smile.  _ Too lazy to replace it eh? How sentimental of him... _

For a moment, he considered knocking as opposed to breaking down the door, but hey, why ruin a good thing?

With a crash, the door flew off it’s hinges and into the apartment beyond.

“III-ZAAAA-YAAAA!!!!”

~~

Izaya didn’t want to get out of bed. 

No, scratch that, he didn’t want to live.

He was currently staring at his ceiling, unable to will himself out of bed. Yesterday had been abysmal, the night even worse. Izaya had spent half the night waking up, feverishly sweating and clutching at his sheets in fear. Every dream he could remember had been filled with that fight he and Shizuo had fought the day before, except this time Izaya hadn’t moved fast enough, Shizuo’s punch had been too hard, his vision had screwed him up. Each time was another scenario where he ended up bruised and bleeding. In pain.

What scared Izaya more, seeing them in the cold light of day as he was now, were the good dreams. The ones where Shizuo wasn’t breaking bone and drawing blood but instead was smiling. In those dreams, Izaya had felt safe, even sitting next to his worst enemy because Shizuo hadn’t  _ been _ his rival.

He’d been something else. Something dangerous.

And now Izaya was left to the less than pleasant wake up call of his five a.m. alarm and vision of gold. Rubbing at his eyes ineffectually, Izaya pawed at his alarm until the sound ceased. The moment the room descended back into silence, Izaya returned to staring dismally at the ceiling, wondering what had become of his life and what steps he could take to regain it.

Killing Shinra was still pretty high on that list…

Shifting clammy and swiftly cooling sheets off of his person, Izaya struggled to get his feet under him. He felt drained, mentally and physically. He also felt like he’d been hit by a semi-truck but that was likely the fault of Shizuo.

_ Stupid beast, feh… _

And his soulmate, apparently.

He’d spent all of the previous afternoon searching for any and every pertinent piece of information on soulmates. Shinra, as far as he could tell, had the most comprehensive notes out there, which honestly didn’t surprise him. Unfortunately, Izaya had found nothing on reversing the effects without… Without…

Izaya shuddered with an odd sort of fear and forced himself to his feet.

Golden yellow light swirled in his vision as all the blood rushed to his head and for the fraction of a second in which his mind was unfocused, Izaya wondered why something so beautiful had to be so terrible. But then the moment was over and Izaya narrowed his eyes against the momentary dizziness, dispelling it. Focusing his mind, the Raven stood up straight and pretended like everything was fine.

Wrinkling his nose, Izaya stretched and picked distastefully at his rumpled sleep shirt, grumbling as it sparked an itch that spread over his back. Yet another reason why not getting sleep was terrible.

_ A shower, _ Izaya decided, already shucking his clothing as he made his way to his bathroom.  _ Then more research. _

He would  _ not _ remain a slave to something this asinine any longer than was strictly necessary. There was always a solution, he had to believe that. Otherwise, he’d go crazy.

As he showered, every movement economic, Izaya mulled over thoughts of his last fight with Shizuo. There had been something about it that kept bugging him. Though he’d spent most of the fight scrambling to keep his thoughts together, Izaya remembered one moment very clearly. Right after Shizuo had sent him flying, when he’d still been shaking the stars from his eyes, Izaya had seen a look of fear on Shizuo's face. Seen how carelessly he’d rushed out into the street to get to the Raven.

Maybe he’d just been planning to finish him off but it certainly hadn’t felt like that.

Izaya didn’t like it. He was quite satisfied with a Shizuo Heiwajima that hated him and was more than willing to fight him like the monster that he was. There was no room in his life for something different and a hole within himself that he liked to keep filled with this rivalry. Shizuo wasn’t allowed to change.

Soulmates? Feh, that meant nothing.

_ It means everything. _

Izaya could feel that now familiar tingle of fear work its way up his spine. It clutched at his heart and made it throb painfully.  _ God, what am I supposed to do? How do I get away from something that’s so intrinsic to my construction? _ Because everything he’d read thus far intimated that soulmates never changed, they were there from birth. Something inside him that would forever draw him to Shizuo, no matter what their relationship really was.

Sure most of it sounded horribly poetic and sappy but due to current circumstances, Izaya was being forced to take this at face value and assess his situation based on ridiculous rumors.

Some of them made a terrifying amount of sense.

All the stupid ‘non-magic signs of a soulmate’ lined up almost perfectly. Izaya and Shizuo were practically always around each other, they were both obsessed with the other. Shizuo had become such a big part of Izaya’s life, the Raven wasn’t sure what he’d do if something happened to the man. It might have been hate, but it sounded an awful lot like something else.

Grumbling under his breath, Izaya turned off the hot spray and stepped out of his shower. The cool air hit him and he shivered involuntarily. As he walked by the sink, he looked up into the mirror. Well, if he hadn’t been convinced he looked like death warmed over…

The bags under his eyes were noticeable, so too was the generally defeated way he held himself. It was depressing to see how something so small could affect him so much.  _ It’s not small, it’s the rest of my life. _

But he couldn’t let that stop him. Straightening, Izaya glared at his reflection and said aloud. “I will not let some crazy lunacy control my life. I am better than this.” In the silence, his voice sounded weird and he cringed.

It was only then that he noticed it.

Probably, he could have gone quite a while without even realizing something was amiss but this was  _ Izaya _ and behind him was a full length mirror. Before that day, he wouldn’t have been able to tell you why he had it or what possessed him to put it in because he was sure it hadn’t come with the apartment. Now though, he realized it had it’s uses, however unpleasant.

Because it was now that he saw the glowing script sparkling down his thigh.

_ What it the ever-living hell? _

The words were in black ink, though Izaya could have sworn they glowed gold. It took him a second to read them, considering he was trying to see them in a mirror, but it didn’t take him long.

_ Shizuo Heiwajima _

Written in sloping, thick letters over his thigh.

And just like that, Izaya felt himself crumbling.  _ Why why why? _ Desperately he rubbed at it, as if it would just come off or something but deep down, Izaya knew it wouldn’t. It was tattooed into his skin. Shizuo’s name, the name of his soulmate.

He could almost hear Shinra’s words.  _ It’s said you find your soulmate’s name tattooed on your body. It can be anywhere, but it’s usually the wrist. _

_ Of course I’d have it somewhere degrading, of course I would. _ The image in the mirror was blurring and Izaya reached up to find tears clouding his vision. They glittered pale gold in the mirror, like little diamonds falling from his eyes.  _ God, I’m falling apart, why is this happening to me? _

This wasn’t some romantic sign of true love, this was a glowing brand.  _ Just like I’m a slave, a slave to something so incredibly awful I can’t even fully comprehend it. _

As the tears fell harder, Izaya felt himself slowly slide down the side of his sink until he finally curled up at the base, shaking. Shame burned at his face and he hid it in his arms, not wanting to see how pathetic he’d become.

In just two short days, Izaya felt like his world had been destroyed. Maybe not physically. Maybe he was still as powerful as ever but mentally, he was wrecked.  _ There are places you can’t come back from. I guess this is mine. _

It took a while for him to get himself under control. By the time the tears slowed he was freezing cold and the moisture in the air had all but dissipated. When he glanced back up in the mirror, Izaya rubbed at the dark yellow stains under his eyes and sighed.  _ Why bother, why do anything anymore? _

Because he was too stubborn to give up when he’d been defeated.

Shaking, Izaya rose to his feet and numbly opened the bathroom door. Part of him wanted to be furious, wanted to rage and throw things. Act like the beast he was so closely tied to but the rest of him felt drained.  _ Just as long as I don’t have to see Shizu-chan, I’ll be fine. _ Because if he had to talk this over with Shizuo, Izaya really might lose it.

_ He must be going crazy right now, _ Izaya thought ruefully, rubbing at his thigh absently. _ My name, tattooed on his body, why wouldn’t he lose it? _ How long did Izaya have before Shizuo realized what was wrong? Would he wonder at all? When  he inevitably did, would he try to kill Izaya or try to make things work out?

_ I’m not- I won’t- He can shove any ideas like that up his ass, I’m not going to do anything with him, even if it means things going back to normal. _ Clenching his fists to focus his mind, Izaya took a deep breath before proceeding with his day, determined to act like everything was normal.

And for the most part, he almost succeeded. He got dressed, went downstairs and even got breakfast before remembering that his secretary was going to be there soon and quickly glancing at himself in the reflection on his chrome refrigerator.  _ Yep, still look like hell. At least I’m not paying her to look at me. _

Izaya didn’t even look up from his laptop when he heard Namie unlock his door.

“Well you look like death warmed over,” Namie commented as she walked in, her eyes traveling over Izaya. His blotchy face, limp hair and unkempt clothing. Her eyebrows drew together for a moment but then she was closing the door and looking away.

“Thank you Namie-san, you look as terrifying as always!” Izaya replied brightly, in that manic voice he got when something was horribly wrong. “Those turtle-necks really do nothing for you whatsoever. But that’s just my opinion, ne?”

Namie turned to glare at him but her eyes softened somewhat when the looked him over again. “What the hell happened to you?” she asked, mouth pursing into a tight line.

“Nothing at all Namie-san,” Izaya responded breezily, waving his hand nonchalantly. “I’m just having a spot of trouble with my vision, you know, nothing too terrible.”

Namie stared at him a moment longer as if to say ‘I know you Izaya, you aren’t fooling me for a second’ before shrugging and walking towards the kitchen as if to add ‘but I don’t care about you so whatever’. Izaya just sighed and went back to his computer screen.

_ The name only vanishes once intimate acts have been performed between the- _ With a soft noise of disquiet, Izaya closed out of the tab and started reading the next article.  _ Those that have been blessed with such a beautiful sign must be aware that the names will vanish after the two have had-  _ Exit, next tab.  _ After sex, the names will- _

Izaya groaned. This was hopeless, he felt like he was going crazy. 

He was about to actually just doze off in his glorious swivel chair when he heard it, the  _ thump thump thump _ that sounded like footfalls outside his door. A bit too heavy for someone normal, a bit too awkward for someone who lived here.  _ Who the hell…? _

Izaya only had time to shut his laptop before the door to his apartment crashed inwards and a furious voice that he knew too well yelled from the dust, _ “IIII-ZAAAAA-YAAAAAA!!!” _

Well crap.

~~

Namie had never liked being Izaya’s secretary. It was only because she needed protection from some people who wanted her head, if it wasn’t for that, she would have been soaring in the business world. 

Instead, she worked here.

Oh joy.

All in all, it wasn’t terrible. Izaya was a dick but what else was new? Sometimes he had dangerous people about and rarely, he legitimately needed her help taking care of them. Either way she did her job and tried not to get too involved in Izaya’s crazy little paradigm. It didn’t always pan out that way, but Namie did her best.

So when she heard the ear-splitting sound of someone breaking down the front door and someone yelling Izaya’s name like it was a battle cry, Namie knew that this had already exceeded what Izaya paid her for.  _ Oh if I get out of this, I’m making him pay me double for today. _

Abandoning her coffee, Namie peeked around the kitchen entrance at the pair in Izaya’s main room. The obvious focus of the room was the man standing wreathed in dust and power. Namie vaguely recognized the blond man as Shizuo-Heiwajima, the same person who Izaya never shut up about. Currently, he was standing in the middle of the room, fists clenched at his sides, a terrible grin plastered over his face.

Izaya on the other hand, was atop his desk, seeming not to care about the papers that were scattered everywhere.  _ Of course he doesn’t I’m the one who has to pick them up. _ The man held a knife in one hand, the other was held up as if to say ‘don’t attack me just yet’. “Shizu-chan,” Izaya crooned, a real, if fragile smile curling across his lips. “What a delight to have you here. Please, do make yourself at home, I see you’re already starting to renovate, why stop a good thing?”

“Izaya,” Shizuo repeated, his eyes blazing with fire. If Namie had been the kind of person to be intimidated, she would have been. As it were she was more than a little curious about this man. After all, according to Izaya and frankly half of greater Tokyo the man had superhuman strength. “What the hell is going on?!”

Namie had been around Izaya long enough to see the way his smile faltered before pushed back up to its limits. “Why Shizu-chan,” he crooned, jumping off his desk and walking away from it as if to prevent Shizuo from destroying anything too expensive. “I don’t know! You’re the one who just broke into my apartment ever so rudely. Why don’t you tell me.”

“Bullshit!” Shizuo yelled, though it wasn’t really rage behind his words, it was just vehemence. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Izaya faked a yawn and Namie wondered how her employer had survived so long if he acted like a petulant child ninety percent of the time. “Oh dear, you see, it’s still so early,” Izaya explained as if what he was saying wasn’t complete and utter lies. “Why don’t you say it a bit slower so I can understand because honestly Shizu-chan, I have no idea what you’re-”

“What the hell is this?” Shizuo held up his wrist, a look of irritation finally crossing his face. Though Namie couldn’t see what he was talking about, she could see the way Izaya turned white as a sheet. Perhaps it was the distance, but she could have sworn she saw him start shaking. “TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS?”

“I-I don’t-” Namie had never seen Izaya rendered speechless in her life. It gave her a new sort of respect for the oddly dressed blond man standing in the middle of the room. “I have no idea Shizu-chan, don’t ask me such stupid questions.”

“Shinra disagrees, he’s pretty certain you know exactly what this is,” Shizuo’s smile was definitely terrifying. “Isn’t that right, I-za-ya?” Namie raised an eyebrow at the way the man drew out the Raven’s name.  _ God, it’s like watching a married couple fight. And Izaya’s sure he hates this man? _

“I have no notion of what you’re talking about,” Izaya hissed, retreating a few steps. While she might have been imagining things, Namie could have sworn Izaya sounded afraid. “It’s none of my business why you have my name on your wrist. Ne, I didn’t know you felt that way about me.”

_ Izaya you idiot, what the hell do you think you’re doing? Even I’m not buying that lie. _

And she was right. Shizuo didn’t buy it either. “That’s funny, because I didn’t know we were soulmates either until yesterday.” He took a step forward. “Got anything to say about that I-za-ya?”

While Izaya floundered for an answer, Namie’s eyes widened.  _ Soulmates, eh? _ Not that she was particularly surprised. She’d had her suspicious that such a thing existed for years but this was an interesting bit of proof.  _ What I wouldn’t give to be able to run some tests on these two… _

“You’re out of your mind,” Izaya breathed, but Namie new he was just lying to himself. “Get out of my apartment Shizu-chan and don’t let your crazy leak everywhere.”

“I’ll leave when I decide to leave,” Shizuo growled and Namie marveled at how dangerous the man could sound without actually being angry.  _ I wonder if Izaya can even tell the difference. I doubt it. _ “What’s it like Izaya, only being able to see gold everywhere because I sure as hell hate seeing red.”

_ Oh, fascinating! _ Namie watched with intense interest at the way Izaya stumbled as if hit by a flying punch.  _ So that’s what he meant when he said there was something wrong with his vision. _ “You know nothing!” Izaya spat, though Namie knew the way he crouched lower was his way of making himself a smaller target. “I don’t have to talk about this with you.”

“Yes you fucking do.” Namie didn’t even see the vase until it shattered against the wall she was hiding behind. Izaya had naturally ducked out of the way. “Tell me Izaya, do you have my name on your wrist?”

“As a matter of fact I don’t!” Izaya snapped, looking sickeningly proud of himself for that fact. Namie could see through his bullshit but didn’t bother calling him out on it. She could do that later. “And I have no desire to-”

“Then where is it Izaya?” 

Izaya went red with shame and stammered, “G-get out of my apartment! I hate you!”

“You do realize that nothing is going to change until we fix this,” Shizuo said, still not angry, just matter-of-fact. “Shinra told me what it would take. Believe me, I hate it too, but we have to do something.”

“No!” Izaya sounded downright terrified. “We have to do NOTHING! The only thing you have to do is get out of my apartment Shizu-chan. Get out of here right now!” Namie’s curiosity turned sour as she heard those notes of fear in Izaya’s voice. If Shizuo’s expression was anything to go by, he’d been affected as well.

_ I should probably do something, _ she thought resignedly. Stepping out from around the corner, Namie sharply said, “Heiwajima-san, I understand that you have your concerns but I’d rather you not voice them at the present moment. Izaya has asked you to leave and I will call the cops if you do not comply.” 

Shizuo stared at the two of them for a moment, though his attention was mostly focused on Izaya. “Fine,” he said at last. “I’ll go, but you’re not going to be able to just think your way out of this Izaya. Even you aren’t that good.” And then he just walked out as if nothing had ever happened.

Izaya stood there, breathing heavily, before stumbling over to one of his sofas and collapsing next to the broken door.

Namie didn’t allow him much time to recover. “Soulmates?”

“Go ahead,” Izaya spat bitterly. “Laugh all you want. It’s true.”

Sighing, Namie dropped onto the coffee table across from him. “No, I know it is. I’ve done research on it.” And then, even though she wasn’t sure why she bothered, Namie added, “I’m sorry.”

Izaya sat there bonelessly for a moment before suddenly coming alert. “You’ve researched this?” He looked at her intensely and Namie didn’t like the rabid hope in his eyes. It was the kind that wasn’t to be reasoned with. “So you know all about soulmates?”

“I mean I know some, no one knows everything,” Namie already knew what he was going to ask her before he opened his mouth.

“So you can fix this?”  _ No Izaya, I don’t think I can, no one can. _ “Please,” he begged in an uncharacteristic show of weakness. “I can’t survive this Namie-san. Whatever you want, I’ll give it to you if you’ll just try and fix it.”

“Izaya, I don’t think-” she started, trying her best to inject some sense into the conversation.

“I have information that will help you take down Nebula,” Izaya stated bluntly. “I’m willing to give it to you if you’ll only try.”

At last, Namie relented. Though the thought of finally being able to destroy her business adversary was quite wonderful, it was the look of desperation in the eyes of her employer that got to her.  _ Ugh, I’m going soft. _

“Fine,” she snapped, rolling her eyes at the look of unabashed gratitude that spread over Izaya’s face. “But I expect double pay while I do and you can’t complain if I need to run tests on you.”

Izaya nodded. “Please, just figure it out as quickly as you can. Please.”

With a heavy sigh she kept to herself, Namie got to her feet and walked back towards the kitchen, only now just remembering her coffee. “I’ll start work on it today. But I expect you not to spend the whole time hovering and pulling your hair out.” Grabbing her now cold mug of coffee, she added, “And get someone to come fix that damn door.”

_ Because your boyfriend is highly destructive. _

She didn’t say it aloud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta-da!  
> Hah! Oh boy, Izaya's so screwed. And Shizuo! Poor baby doesn't deserve this treatment.
> 
> I hope you like it Kanra-chan ;)
> 
> (I will keep up with you and your story!)


	5. The Fallout is Never Pretty: Explain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Shinra prepares Shizuo for the worst and Simon's counter is unexpectedly remodeled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter took forever. In my defense, it's sort of filler. I mean don't get me wrong it's interesting but the next chapter is going to either have you clutching at your heart or clutching at your stomach (the latter out of laughter).
> 
> But it's here, it's done, it's at least mildly funny.
> 
> Enjoy!

Celty sat in the middle of the now empty living room on one of Shinra’s wheeled stools and listened to the tarp they’d thrown over the hole in the wall flap in the breeze. Her attention was somewhat fixated on the sofa they had yet to remove from the other wall. Currently, it was piled high with books, causing it to lean in dramatically.

“No no nonono, this doesn’t make sense. Celty darling, tell me I’m not going crazy.” Shinra was bent over his desk, feverishly flipping through his notes and scouring the internet for information. It was a little disconcerting to see him like this. Celty almost wished she had a job waiting just so she could get out of the apartment. Ever since that morning, however, she’d been stuck dealing with  _ this. _

Dutifully she held up her PDA.  **_[I saw the text, same as you. You aren’t imagining things Shinra.]_ **

The man drooped. “I was afraid you’d say that.”

What had sparked this ridiculous microcosm of obsession? Well, as far as Celty could tell, it was Izaya and Shizuo’s deteriorating conditions that had set it off. After Shizuo had revealed that he’d found Izaya’s name tattooed on his wrist, Shinra had gone back over almost every piece of knowledge he’d amassed, trying to find an explanation. So far, he’d found nothing and the stress was beginning to show.

“This isn’t supposed to happen,” Shinra murmured, fingers flying over his keyboard even as he spoke. “It’s supposed to just be one thing, not two. This doesn’t  _ happen.” _ It was the same mantra he’d been repeating for a while now but Celty humored him, naturally feeling terrible for Shinra.

**_[I told you my abilities were unstable,]_ ** Celty pointed out, watching as Shinra set his chair rolling backward, colliding carelessly with the wall beside his stack of books. The half-sofa in the wall shuddered but didn’t fall. Not liking the way Shinra tugged at his hair, Celty tried again.  **_[Shinra, this is my fault, your research is fine.]_ **

Shinra looked at her dolefully, as if deeply wounded at the thought that any of this was her fault.  _ How typical of him. _ With a huff, the doctor firmly stated, “If that’s true then it’s both of our faults because if I’d done more research, I’d have known this was a possibility.” He let out a strained laugh. “But it’s still my fault because I convinced you to do it.”

Celty would have sighed if she could have. As it was, her shoulders just heaved up before sinking down.  **_[You’ve said it yourself, there’s no way to reverse this.]_ ** Starting to rise off her stool, Celty gestured with her PDA insistently.  **_[What are you even looking for?]_ **

The sigh of defeat that left Shinra’s lips effectively pushed her back down. “Honestly?” he admitted, leaning against the wall in exhaustion. “I don’t know. Anything? I know I can’t make them  _ not _ soulmates but I keep hoping I’ll find something about suppressing the symptoms.” As he spoke, Shinra wrung his hands, face a mask of worry. “I mean,” he continued. “Shizuo-kun can take it, he has been dealing so far, but Izaya?” His fear was clear. “He still hasn’t called Celty, I don’t think he’s able to handle this without breaking down. I really screwed up.”

Celty began to reassure Shinra when the doorbell rang sharply. Glancing at the door, Shinra gave a helpless shrug before calling, “Come in.” Extending a tendril of smoke, Celty pulled the door open.

Neither had quite been expecting to see the exhausted face of Shizuo waiting for them. Before either of them could say anything he walked in, closing the door behind himself. The look on the blond’s face was brooding, Celty felt a prick of worry for the remainder of their apartment.

But the man just sat down on the floor and put his head in his hands.

“Ara~ Shizuo-kun?” Shinra asked nervously, laughing awkwardly when there wasn’t a response. “Are- Are you alright?” He seemed apprehensive of the answer. Celty could hardly blame him. She didn’t particularly want to know why Shizuo was here either.

“I fucked up,” was the only thing that came out of the man’s mouth. Celty heard the bitterness in her friend’s voice and her heart went out to him. Sometimes, Shizuo was just too empathetic for his own good. Apparently, that empathy didn’t actually stop where Izaya was involved. “I was just going to talk to him about this shit but I fucked it up.”

“W-what did you do?” Shinra managed, watching Shizuo with no small amount of alarm. How many times, after all, had Shizuo stumbled in with Izaya’s blood on his clothes and fire in his eyes?

“That’s just it,” Shizuo looked up at them and Celty could see the strain on his face. “I don’t have a fucking clue.” Miserably, he shrugged. “I just know that I’ve never seen the Flea so scared in my life.”

Celty glanced and Shirna and caught the way he lurched forward at those words, automatically blaming himself.  **_[He can’t have been that bad,]_ ** the dullahan hurried to ask Shizuo.  **_[Just a little shaken up, right?]_ ** But Shizuo was shaking his head and even Celty felt her stomach drop a little bit. In all her time knowing Shizuo, she’d never seen him this distressed over… anything. And that was saying something, considering the guilt he felt every time he put an innocent person in the hospital.

“God, I wish,” Shizuo looked at the ceiling. “What the hell is this supposed to be Shinra? You said one symptom,  _ one. _ This is two. That’s not-” Looking at his wrist, the blond shook his head. “Izaya was so scared. It’s this whole thing, he’s terrified of it. You’ve got to fix it, he’s falling apart.”

Not a word about his own well-being, he just wanted Izaya to be okay. Celty noticed but didn’t comment. Honestly, she doubted Shizuo was even realizing what he was doing but part of her was glad for it.  _ If he keeps going down this path, maybe it won’t be so bad for Izaya when we  _ can’t _ fix it. _

**_[Shizuo, it might not be that easy.]_ ** Celty watched the blond sink further into depression with dismay. There weren’t many other things she could say, he had to realize this was going to be the rest of his life at some point. That being said, she couldn’t image what he was going through. Tied to someone he at least mostly hated with no hope of escape? It made her shiver.

“There has to be something,” he begged desperately, turning to Shinra and looking up at the doctor urgently. “I mean, fuck, I don’t give a shit about my vision or anything, but you’ve got to have something that can help at least a bit. Make it stop getting worse or  _ something.” _ Shizuo’s golden eyes looked haunted and they prompted Shinra to ask a question.

“Shizuo-kun, if I may.” Clearing this throat awkwardly, Shirna rolled out into the room until he was facing Shizuo. He didn’t have his usual clipboard but Celty knew he was taking down mental notes all the same. “What exactly were you doing at Izaya’s apartment in the first place? It’s not exactly in the way of anything…”

Shizuo sighed and his head hung limply on his neck. “No, it’s not. You’re right. I-” Celty could see the tangible regret on his face. It was almost odd, after all these years, the number of times she’d seen both Izaya and Shizuo walk through the door with various injuries, always a result of their fights, she’d never seen either of them actually feel bad for what had happened. This was new.

Clearing his throat, the man pushed on. “I just wanted some fucking answers. I didn’t… I mean, it sounds like bullshit, how can the stuff about soulmates possibly be true? I thought maybe if I talked to Izaya it would make sense or something.” Snorting, Shizuo stared at the floor. “God, I should have expected this.”

“But you’re not upset about the soulmate thing?” Shinra stated dubiously, tilting his head a bit, causing his hair to fall in his face.

“Of course I’m fucking pissed!” Shizuo snapped, glaring at the doctor with renewed vigor. “Do you think I want to be soulmates with the fucking Flea?” He looked like he might actually stay angry for a second before inevitably he wilted. “I mean, I guess it could be worse. Most people wouldn’t deserve to be stuck with  _ me _ for the rest of their lives. It’s just Izaya… He’s not taking this shit well.”

**_[Can you blame him?]_ ** Celty asked, and she would have raised her eyebrows if she had any. When Shizuo looked a bit confused, she added,  **_[You know Izaya, he doesn’t like it when things are out of his control.]_ **

“So I take it you saw your name on Izaya’s wrist?” Shinra asked curiously, yet definitely in an attempt to steer the conversation back to the original point. It worked in that Shizuo turned back to face him, a blank look on his face before the pieces clicked together.

“No, he doesn’t. He’s got it somewhere else I think. I mean, he went hella red when I asked.” Frowning, Shizuo made an interesting face and muttered, “Probably on his ass or something.”

“No,” Shinra hurried to counter. “Probably not Shizuo-kun. It’s most likely on his ankle. That’s the next most probable case scenario.” Grabbing for one of his books, seemingly at random, Shinra hummed softly. “Someone needs to tell Izaya not to try to remove it. Just ends in excruciating pain for him and possibly for you but that’s up in the air.”

“Thanks for the clarity,” Shizuo muttered sourly, rubbing his wrist all the while. From where she sat, Celty could see black letters, too far away to read, too close to pretend it had been her imagination.  _ Claimed. Such a shame they hate each other really. _ “What I don’t get is why Izaya’s so scared. I mean sure it sucks but…” he pulled another face. “I’d rather see him angry, or, I don’t know, asshole-ish.”

**_[Because he doesn’t understand why this is happening.]_** It was a weak explanation but Celty didn’t understand Izaya’s mind. She couldn’t give Shizuo any sort of peace of mind in lieu of the Raven himself but she could pretend. **_[He’s really very fragile Shizuo, you of all people should know that.]_**

Shizuo blew out a harsh breath but didn’t disagree.

“Did Izaya seem like he was going too…” Shinra trailed off, his tone suddenly becoming awkward. “Oh, I don’t know, do anything heinously stupid anytime soon?” Though Celty didn’t have a head or eyes for that matter, she and Shirna both shared a very meaningful look in which they both came to terms with what Shinra was really asking.

“Like what? Everything the Flea does is fucking idiotic,” Shizuo said with a roll of his eyes. But there was a hint of worry in his expression that Celty couldn’t help but pick up on. “Come on Shinra, you’ve got to be a bit more specific than that.”

“I’m trying to gauge Izaya’s mental state,” Shinra admitted with a worried sigh. “I mean, you don’t seem happy about this but at least you’re willing to talk about it and on all accounts, you’re handling it very well Shizuo-kun but Izaya…” Shaking his head, Shinra muttered, “If something happens to him, I’m going to feel responsible. If he jumps to the worst possible solution, I- I just-”

“Hang on,” Shizuo looked up at Shinra in alarm. “Are you saying that Izaya might-” It took him a moment to grasp what Shinra was -or wasn’t- saying but once he did, Celty could see the way the muscles of his jaw leapt. “FUCK NO!” Leaping to his feet, the blond hovered over the doctor, who paled slightly. 

“Calm down,” Shinra pleaded, holding up his hands in defense. “Please Shizuo-kun, I only-”

“How the hell do you expect me to be calm?” Shizuo roared, hands clenched into white-knuckled fists. “Izaya's not supposed to act like this! He's supposed to be pissed at me, he's supposed to fight back! He's not allowed to…” Tirade stopping suddenly, Shizuo swallowed hard. “He would  _ never  _ do something like that and if you think for even a second that he might,” Shizuo drew in a labored breath. “Then you had better fucking fix this right fucking now!”

His fist slammed into the wall, denting it and finally dislodging the half of the sofa. It tumbled out of the apartment wall and a moment later, Celty heard it crash to the ground outside. She winced, as did Shinra.  
“I can’t,” Shinra said softly, almost trembling beneath Shizuo’s gaze. “There’s nothing I can do. You two were already soulmates, I just-”

“He was fucking crying when I was there,” Shizuo said in a deadly soft voice. “I saw the evidence on his face, he was fucking crying and don't you fucking tell me it wasn't my fault. How the fuck am I supposed to deal with that, huh? How the fuck am I supposed to look someone I’ve hated since the day I met him in the eyes and tell him that it’s going to be okay? HOW DO I FUCKING HELP HIM?”

Celty felt her blood run cold and she could tell the same was true of Shirna. It didn’t matter that Shizuo’s anger was being channeled into this concern for Izaya, he still looked like he wanted to kill someone. “Honestly Shizuo-kun,” The doctor swallowed hard. “Stay away from him. If he’s as afraid as you say, I don’t want him to- You know…”

**_[Go off the deep end.]_ ** Celty finished for Shinra.

Glancing between the two of them, Shizuo clenched his jaw and stepped back. “I don't get it,” he muttered, somewhere between furious with himself and furious with the situation. “Why the hell are we soulmates? What's the point if I only make things worse? I thought soulmates were supposed to care about each other. He just hates me.”

Helplessly, Shinra shrugged and shook his head.

After a moment more of silence, Shizuo turned and walked out of the room, that stricken look never leaving his face. Celty wished she could have thought of something to make the man feel better, but for the life of her, she couldn’t think of anything that wouldn't be a lie.

“Do you think he’ll be okay?” Shinra asked worriedly.

**_[God Shinra, I hope so.]_ **

Though neither of them had said a word, both had noted the missing  _ and I hate him _ of Shizuo's parting sentence.

~•~

Izaya felt sick.

But then, what else was new?

Currently, he was staring off into the middle distance, completely lost to the world despite Namie’s repeated commands for him to get something done. It was slightly unhealthy, he hadn’t blinked once for at least a minute, maybe more, and his mouth felt dry but he couldn’t shake himself from his own head.

_ You’re not going to be able to just think your way out of this Izaya. _

Because Shizuo knew, and that made everything so much worse.  _ Of course Shinra had to tell him, of course. _ Izaya wasn’t sure of the exact quantities of arsenic needed to kill one extremely annoying underground doctor but the moment he worked up enough willpower to get off the couch, he was going to find out.

_ You’re avoiding the problem, _ his mind reminded him bitingly.

Absently, Izaya’s hand brushed against his thigh, and though the sparks of electricity were probably his imagination, it made him feel that much worse. In his mind’s eye, he could see the name on Shizuo’s wrist, dark and damning.

He’d been a mess, and Shizuo had seen it. That was what made him feel sick in the end, the realization that he’d seemed weak in front of the very monster he was supposed to be fighting against.  _ Heh, he could probably see that I’d been crying even. _ In tears, afraid…

Only Shizuo would break into his house to ask about something like this when Izaya was on the brink of collapse. 

And yet, Izaya couldn’t help but reason, he hadn’t been angry. He’d been forceful, yes, loud and overwhelming too but he hadn’t been pissed at the Raven himself, just furious with the situation. Just wanting some answers.

_ What is becoming of us? _

Because the look of concern in Shizuo’s eyes hadn’t been his imagination and Izaya didn’t want to think about it.

“Are you sure you don’t want this door replaced?” Finally blinking and swallowing harshly, Izaya stared at the workman who was supposed to be fixing his door. The man kept glancing over Izaya’s apartment before staring at the door in confusion as if he couldn’t comprehend what the Raven was asking him to do. “I mean, it’s going to stick when it gets hot out and will rattle when it’s cold. It’s pretty damaged.”

An image ran through Izaya’s head of dust and the glowing figure standing beyond.  _ Almost beautiful, altogether terrifying. _ “No, keep it. I told you, I just want you to fix it,” Izaya mumbled, voice sounding hoarse.  _ There’s no being prepared for a monster like that, he’ll always take you by surprise. _

“The lock is pretty banged up, I don’t think it’ll properly latch,” the man insisted, scratching his chin as he stared at the door he had affixed to the frame. “What did you do, kick it open repeatedly? You’re going to need to get it changed if you want the door to still lock.”

Izaya felt a shudder run through him as he recalled the sheer power of the man that had barreled into the room, fists clenched, eyes blazing brighter than the sun. So primal and fearsome, devoid of logic, completely composed of emotion. Narrowing his eyes, Izaya noted the indentations on the knob, still there from the last time the monster had broken into his apartment. “No, just put a new one above it.”

Giving him a look of pure confusion, the workman tried, “At least let me get new hinges for you. These are going to wear your floor down because they cause the door to list so much. They’re permanently bent.”

The thundering call of his name, shaking him to the bone, yet the fearful and desperate expression on his face when Izaya had let slip how terrified he was.  _ It’s not fair Shizu-chan, you’re supposed to make sense. _ “Then let it wear a hole in the carpet, I don’t care!” Izaya snapped, glaring at the man, furious with his own thoughts more than with the man. “What part of ‘I want to keep this door’ are you failing to understand?”

“Nothing, but…” Shaking his head, the man muttered, “It looks like a bull rammed it or something.”

“I wish,” Izaya muttered humorlessly. At least Shizuo hadn’t killed him as he’d expected the beast to do. But was this really much better?

At least he had hope in the form of Namie’s willingness to help him at least a little bit.  _ I’ll figure it out. I’m not sure how, but I’ll figure it out. _

The sound of a set of keys being dropped on a table and the workman discussing something with Namie prompted Izaya to stir again, just in time to see the man finally leaving. Automatically, Izaya raised a hand and caught the key ring Namie tossed him.

“What is with you and that door?” she muttered, her attention largely focused on the computer screen in front of her. “This is the second time you’ve refused to replace it.”

Izaya smiled, but it wasn’t a pretty smile. “Call it sentiment,” he hissed, eyes narrowed.

Sighing, Namie rolled her eyes and finally glanced up. “How long was that repairman here?” Her expression soured. “It felt like forever. You know, they only drag their feet because they get paid by the hour.”  _ And there’s the cynical, yet lovely Namie that I had so missed,  _ Izaya thought sarcastically. In the end, though, he kept the comment to himself.  _ She’s helping you, don’t screw it up. _

_ Don’t ruin your only chance of escape. _

“There are at least five clocks in this room that you can see from where you’re sitting,” Izaya commented idly instead, staring at a blinding gold of his windows and wondering if he’d eventually go blind from so much exposure. Probably, but he couldn’t be bothered to put up blinds or curtains over his stunning view.  _ Besides if anything can make me go blind, it’s Shizu-chan… _

“The clock’s not working,” Namie huffed, bringing him back to attention. “Would I really be asking if it weren’t?” Irritated, Izaya stared up at the clock she was no doubt talking about to find that yes, it had stopped working. A little over an hour ago by his reckoning.

Thankfully, Izaya was more than a little time oriented. “Namie-san, there are ten other clocks in this room. Are you so lazy that you’d only check one?” he teased, though his heart wasn’t in it.  _ Everything’s a bit too bright for that, ne? _ It frustrated him that Shizuo had managed to suck the joy out of one of his favorite pastimes but he pushed it down in favor of a well-crafted grin.

“For your information, all of the ones I can see are broken as well,” Namie responded with an irritated puff of air. “Which by the way is almost as annoying as you.” Ignoring the badly executed barb, Izaya frowned and looked around the room. Every clock his eyes landed on seemed to have met the same fate. All dead, and, on further inspection, all frozen at the same time.

A chill ran down his spine.

For a moment he wondered if the power had gone out but no, half of them were battery powered. That wouldn’t have made a bit of sense. Biting his lip nervously, Izaya querulously asked, “Ne, Namie-san, what time did Shizu-chan decide to break into my apartment and grace us with his presence?”

She stared at him in momentary confusion before furrowing her brows and muttering, “About eight-ish,” she muttered, watching Izaya’s face closely. “Don’t know why that’s important though.”

Izaya’s stomach fluttered then dropped.  _ Eight ten, all of them frozen at exactly eight ten.  _

Shinra’s words came to him easily, too easily.   _ When a person meets their soulmate, their watch or phone clock stops and nothing can make it work ever again. _

But this couldn’t possibly be- Izaya felt like tearing out his hair at the roots.  _ B-but I’m showing two symptoms already. I- I can’t have another!  _ Trying to hide his fear, Izaya muttered to Namie, “I think we need to replace the clocks.”

“Izaya,” He should have known she’d catch on. “What’s wrong.”

“I- They’re all stopped at the exact moment Shizu-chan showed up,” Izaya murmured faintly. “Namie-san, that’s another symptom.”

The woman cursed softly. “Okay, so that’s not good. Are you sure?” When Izaya couldn’t find the words to answer, she sighed. “You’re serious. Izaya, how the hell do you get yourself into these situations?”

Honestly, he had no idea.

“Fine, okay, we’ll deal. I’m going to need you to answer some questions for me,” Namie informed him, turning her chair and regarding him intently. Izaya swallowed but jerkily shifted from the position he’d been frozen in for a good hour and swung his legs over the back of the sofa. Sitting up, Izaya stared at Namie once more. “Now that I have your attention,” she continued. “I need you to tell me when this started.”

“Yesterday,” Izaya answered, oddly glad to be able to say it out loud. Voicing it made it real, allowed him to face it a little better. True to this sentiment, his hands, which hadn’t stopped trembling since Shizuo’s first thundering yell, stilled. “Sometime between the hours of one a.m. and five a.m.”

Namie typed something into her computer, nodding slightly. “So the only way this could be happening is if someone decided to artificially cause the symptoms to appear in you or, theoretically, in Heiwajima-san.” She tapped the F key with her index finger absently. “But it was probably you, seeing as you were around Shinra-san and therefore Celty the day before that.”

Izaya narrowed his eyes. Of course, he’d had his suspicions that Shinra had done something but Namie made it sound like it was instead Celty’s fault. “Already know the cause, I see,” he stated blandly, watching her closely.

“No, just know the general method.” Shrugging, she made a few more notes. “Beings with supernatural abilities can often affect things related to fate and such. Of course,” she looked over Izaya and her lips turned down at the corners. “Usually they have more control over it. It’s clear she’s never done it before.”

Izaya remembered a wisp of smoke, clinging to his shoulder. “What the hell were they thinking?” Izaya asked, incredulous, staring at the wall in horror. “Did it occur to no one that pushing me into something like this was a bad idea?”

“Probably not,” Namie told him without batting an eye. “Now which symptoms do you have so far?”

Biting his lip, Izaya firmly answered, “Color blindness, frozen clocks, and Shizu-chan’s name written on my skin.”  _ God, it’s all happened so fast. I haven’t even been given the chance to get used to it before it’s gotten worse. _

“Where is the exact placement of his name?”

Izaya swallowed but forced it out anyway. “On my thigh.” Namie looked away, but not in embarrassment. “What?” he demanded, eyes wild. “What’s wrong?”

“The stuff she hit you with was powerful if you’ve got his name somewhere like that,” Namie said, glancing at her computer screen and reluctantly typing the information in. “I don’t know what I’ll be able to do, but I’m going to do everything I can. Just don’t give up.”

“Don’t worry Namie-san,” Izaya said with a wry laugh. “I don’t just  _ give up. _ I’m notoriously stubborn. As long as I know there’s a chance, however slim, I’ll take it.”  _ Anything to fix this, anything to get me out of this situation.  _ But all he could see was the look of guilt and worry on Shizuo’s face as he backed up and gave Izaya some room. Not attacking apart from the shattered vase and not getting upset, just wanting the one thing Izaya didn’t have. 

Answers.

_ What’s happening to us Shizu-chan, aren’t we supposed to just hate each other? Stop making this difficult you beast. Soulmates means nothing, in the end, we’ll only ever be enemies. _

“-long as you stay away from him, then we’ll be-” Seeming to only just realize she wasn’t being listened to, Namie snapped her fingers sharply. “Hey! Focus. I’m trying to say that you’ll need to stay away from Heiwajima-san or risk this getting worse.” She gave a rueful snort. “It might get worse regardless but I  _ know _ close contact only aggravates it.”

Izaya snorted. “You think I want to spend time around that idiot?”

Though he couldn’t quite catch her words, Izaya had a feeling they were something along the lines of ‘Well sometimes I wonder’.

“Namie-san, I’m hurt,” Izaya pouted, forcing himself to keep his voice light. “But seriously, I’m staying out of Shizu-chan’s way until this is solved.”  _ If it can be solved, if I’m not going to be stuck like this forever. _

“Good.” As if she couldn’t see him, Namie turned back to her screen before snapping, “And get some work done. You’re annoying enough as it is.”

_ Typical Namie… _ he thought, but Izaya got up anyway. There was always research to be done and if he couldn’t leave the apartment anyway, he might as well get cracking.

Hopefully, they’d find something.

Izaya chose not to let himself think of the alternative.

~•~

“Shizuo…” Shaking himself from the mindless anger that had been controlling him, Shizuo turned to look at Tom, who was watching him with a raised eyebrow. “Put him down.”

Noticing the thug he was holding suspended above the pavement, Shizuo blinked and tossed him away carelessly. The sickening crash that followed made Tom wince but Shizuo hardly cared. “He started it,” Shizuo pointed out in an attempt to be reasonable, forcing himself to focus on his boss’s hellish appearance.  _ You can’t do anything about it, you heard Shinra, you have to stay out of it. _

“Shizuo-senpai finished it,” Vorona commented, looking over to where the man had landed with minimal interest. “His spine broken now. No more starts, just wheelchairs.”

Tom sighed and shook his head. “I thought I told you to get your vision fixed before coming back to work. That’s the fifth one today. Don’t you think that might be a problem? Before this, you  _ were _ getting better about permanently crippling them.” 

Not even bothering to question how Tom knew that he hadn’t fixed his vision, Shizuo sighed. “There’s no solution.”  _ At least no plausible ones. _ “I’m fucking stuck like this.” An image of Izaya’s terrified and tearstained face flashed through his mind and Shizuo felt his stomach rebel with guilt. “And I’ll just have to get used to it.”

Shizuo felt a light touch on his arm and turned to find Vorona regarding him with as much sympathy as the Russian could muster. “Situation is quite negative. Many condolences.” Though he couldn’t fault her for trying, Shizuo hardly felt better.

“Yeah well, shit could be worse.”  _ Izaya could do something stupid. He could-  _ “At least it’s just colorblindness.” Self-consciously, Shizuo tugged on his shirt cuff, reassuring himself that Izaya’s faintly glowing name was still hidden. He hadn’t told Tom or Vorona what was really going on, he was pretty sure they’d just look at him like he was crazy anyway. Soulmates? God, more like a mistake.

“But you know more about it, right?” Tom affirmed, raising his eyebrows. “That underground doctor has to be good for something.”

“Yeah, well…” Shizuo stopped when Tom beckoned Vorona and him forward.

“Come on, we might as well break for lunch.” The suggestion didn’t sound half bad and Shizuo managed a faint smile. “You can update us as to what’s going on.”

_ You won’t believe me… _ “Of course Tom-san, that sounds great.”

“Sustenance would be pleasing,” Vorona agreed, nodding curtly.

The three of them walked through Ikebukuro in relative silence, which really, was nothing new. Usually, Shizuo found the companionable company to be pleasant but currently, his mind felt too weighed down to find anything enjoyable. His mind kept going in circles, going back to his stupid plan, to Izaya’s expression, and to the conversation he’d had with Shinra.

Oh yeah, he knew exactly what they’d been hovering about so delicately.  _ They think Izaya’s going to kill himself over this. _ The idea made Shizuo’s heart clench for reasons he didn’t understand. Sure he hated the man but he didn’t want to see him die, especially if it was somehow Shizuo’s fault. With this whole soulmates deal, the blond was definitely straying into the territory of ‘partially responsible’.

Hell, he was glad that woman had come in and interrupted when she had. Shizuo wasn’t sure what he’d been heading for but it hadn’t been kosher, that was for sure.  _ We have to do something. _ And he hadn’t meant this forced separation, no, he’d meant something else.  _ And Izaya would have responded to that wonderfully. _

Well, no, he wouldn’t have, but there had been something about it that had made Shizuo start to wonder if just getting this whole thing over with might not be such a bad idea.

And now he was stuck, confined to Ikebukuro with no idea of what he was supposed to do. Shinra hadn’t exactly been forthcoming with information. But then Izaya had been worse so already he was at a standstill.

_ He’s not going to kill himself, it’s going to be fine. Shinra’s just crazy. _ Fuck, he hoped so, though his stomach wasn’t really agreeing with him. Once again he was left with the terrified look on Izaya’s face as he shouted at him to  _ get out. _ He’d never seen the man that scared, he’d never seen Izaya back away from a threat rather than fight it. Shizuo had gone in with every expectation of being assaulted with blades the moment he crossed the threshold. That had been what had happened the first time he broke down Izaya’s door, that was normal.

This was anything but.

“Tom! Shizuo! Vorona! You come eat sushi today?” The loud cheerful voice of Simon shook Shizuo out of his thoughts and he spared a glare for the grinning Russian. All he got was a particularly painful smile. “You angry? Eat! Sushi make it better, no?”

“Well we’ve got to eat somewhere,” Tom answered easily before Shizuo could say something potentially abrasive. Distracted from whatever he’d been about to respond with, Shizuo snorted and left his boss to talk to the black Russian, instead opening the door for Vorona and following her darkly.

Inside the restaurant, which was usually pleasantly lit but now looked rather hellish, Shizuo settled at the bar next to Vorona and fixed his eyes on a stain on the wall. The countertop still leaned to the right, causing him to feel like he too was tilting to the side.  _ Never bothers to fix it, does he? Heh, that’ll teach the Flea to put ghost peppers in my sushi. _

Hah, he wished things were still that easy.

Because fighting with Izaya had been just that,  _ easy. _ There hadn’t been any need for moralizations because whatever he did, the Raven had probably done worse. Shizuo had been forced to hold back for fear of hurting the louse, the man was superhuman anyway, there wasn’t anything that could really put a scratch on him. Least of all Shizuo.

And yet it had all changed. Now he could hurt Izaya, now he wasn’t allowed to even be around him or else risk setting him off. All Shizuo wanted to do was hurl a vending machine at Izaya before asking if everything could just go back to normal. If he could just go back to trying to break his face instead of worrying about breaking his mind.

_ Fuck my life, it’s all too complicated for me. _

“You order now, yes? Eat or your stomach shrink.” Glancing up at Simon, Shizuo sighed and ordered the first thing he saw. It all basically tasted the same when he was in a bad mood so what did it matter?

“So what did the doctor say?” Tom asked, sliding in beside Shizuo and giving him an expectant look. “He must have said something.”

Shizuo snorted and rolled his eyes. “It’s bullshit, you wouldn’t believe me.  _ I  _ don’t believe me.” Propping up his head with his elbow, Shizuo muttered, “Everything’s just so fucked up Tom-san.”

“Is related to new marking on Shizuo-senpai’s wrist?” Vorona asked curiously. Glancing at his arm, Shizuo cursed as he noticed that yes indeed, his sleeve had ridden up, revealing the scrawled letters of Izaya’s name. “Isn’t Orihara-san man who irritates Sh-”

“He’s my soulmate,” Shizuo spat quickly, kind of like ripping a bandaid off a wound. “And apparently I’m now dealing with the symptoms, except I should only have one and so far I have two and it sounds like a load of shit so-”

“Oooooh, soulmates eh?” At the sound of that particular voice, Shizuo could already feel a headache building up. “Kaya~ I knew it!! See Yumachi, I told you they were perfect!!” Erika and the hapless Walker settled into the stools next to Vorona. “So Shizu-Shizu, have you done the nasty yet? Or are you going to woo him with one of your battle cries?”

“Ignore her,” muttered Kadota, sitting down next to Tom. “Sorry, they overheard. You sure this has to do with soulmates.”

“Unfortunately,” Shizuo said with an irritable sigh. “Yes.” 

“Correct me if I’m wrong,” Tom started, scratching his chin thoughtfully, a whole lot more unfazed by the situation than Shizuo would have anticipated. “But I always heard that soulmates were something you knew about from birth if you had one.”

“How the hell does everyone know more about this shit than I do?” Shizuo groused, ignoring the sushi placed in front of him as well as Simon’s interest in the conversation.

“You always fighting with Izaya during school. Ate much sushi yet still not friends.” Simon shook his head in disappointment. “Very sad.”

“He’s got a point,” Kadota said, giving Shizuo a half grin. “You missed a lot of Literature what with Izaya and everything. We read some stuff on it back during sophomore year.”

“But impossible,” Vorona argued, brows drawing together as she pondered over the situation. “Irritating man and Shizuo-sempai are enemies, not lovers.”

Erika spat out her drink hurriedly so she could contradict this point. “NO! They have been secretly together for years, this is just a physical manifestation of their true l-”

Walker covered her mouth. “Hold up, does Orihara-san know about all of this?”

“Yes,” Shizuo growled, taking a bite of his sushi and attempting to pretend like he wasn’t in the middle of the most ridiculous conversation of his life. “I’ve been forbidden from going near him actually. Not that I fucking care.”

“GASP! Shizu-Shizu is so sad because he just wants to see his love!” Erika proclaimed. “Look at him acting all tsundere, Yumachi it’s just like in my fanfiction!!” She quickly devolved into incoherent ramblings and Shizuo decided to leave her like that. Kadota let his face sink into his hands softly.

“Hold on,” Tom raised a finger. “Why forbidden? I mean, you two are soulmates supposedly, wouldn’t getting used to it be a good idea.”

“Not according to Shinra,” Shizuo grumbled back. “He said that Izaya’s emotionally fragile or some shit.”

“He just needs Shizu there to make it all-” Walker finally succeeded in stuffing a napkin in her mouth to shut her up.

“So Shinra said that Izaya couldn’t handle being around you right now,” Kadota clarified. “And this is good or bad for you?”

“Well considering that the only color I’m able to see is his eye color,” Shizuo ignored the sounds of Erika fainting behind him and Walker catching her. “I’d say it’s pretty shitty.”

“Shizuo must pursue love of life!” Simon announced, slapping a fist into his open palm. “Make Izaya see light! Everyone happy!”

“NO!” Shizuo shouted, shooting to his feet in anger. “DOES ANYONE ELSE THINK THIS IS ALL INSANE?!”  _ I’ve stepped into another fucking dimension, why is everyone going crazy? _

“Hardly ideal,” Vorona admitted, watching Shizuo through narrowed eyes as if judging whether he was the crazy one. “Izaya causes much displeasure to me, but if Shizuo-senpai finds joy-”

“I’M NOT GOING TO FIND FUCKING ANYTHING WITH IZAYA!!” Shizuo roared, slamming his fist against the counter. The hole he put through the thing did nothing to help his mood. “HE’S JUST A FUCKING FLEA, IT’S NOT LIKE WE’RE JOINED AT THE HIP OR ANYTHING, I DON’T FUCKING CARE WHAT HE DOES WITH HIS LIFE!!” It wasn’t true but Shizuo was too pissed to care.

“H-hey,” Walker raised the hand he wasn’t using to support Erika’s unconscious body up in surrender. “We’re just trying to find a positive outcome for this. We don’t know any more about soulmates than you do.”

“In Russia,” Simon agreed, nodding solemnly. “Solemate means permanent, no running away. Stuck together for life. Fate not always kind.”

“It would be weird seeing you and Izaya get along,” Kadota said, shrugging. “But honestly, if you don’t have a choice, you might want to try accepting it rather than destroying things over it. I might not like Izaya but I’d rather not see him end up as a stain on the sidewalk.”

But all Shizuo could think of was Izaya ending up dead for a different reason.

“I know,” he muttered, backing up. “Fuck, I  _ know. _ I just don’t know what to do.”

“Sit?” Simon suggested, nodding towards Shizuo’s sushi and the forcefully remodeled counter below it. “Yelling do you no good.”

“He’s got a point,” Tom admitted. “Come on Shizuo, whatever happens, you’ll figure it out. Just calm down for now. It’s no use to get angry with something you can’t change.”

Sighing, Shizuo reluctantly stumbled forward and slumped back down at the bar. “Yeah, alright.”

And as the conversation thankfully moved on, Shizuo couldn’t help but wonder if they were all right in saying that he couldn’t change a goddamned thing.

_ Shit, for Izaya’s sake, I fucking hope not. _

He never even thought twice about how worried he was about the Flea’s well-being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So now is the point where I pop the question so to speak. At some point in the future, as you might have guessed, there will be soulmate collars. As of yet, I haven't decided who will get the collar and who won't. Currently, the score stands Izaya: 3 votes, Shizuo: 5 votes. Please weigh in, even if it's only with a couple words. This will drastically change the direction of the story so think long and hard about it. You have until chapter 10 to decide and I will be prompting you again for an answer but really, if you want to make a difference, say something!
> 
> Expect an update for The Users and The Used within the next few days. I promise I'll get it in on time this time!
> 
> Laters people~


	6. The Case of an Overabundance of Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Izaya discovers the downsides to living in a high-rise and Shizuo realizes that life is never simple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S DONE! HAH!
> 
> But like literally, this just wouldn't end and I can't just not write. The next chapter promises to be long too but we'll let tomorrow's chapters worry about themselves.
> 
> To anyone who is curious, the question of who shall be collared is still there. Request away, I love listening to you.
> 
> For now, enjoy!

“Sick you say?” Izaya forced himself to relax under the watchful eye of Haruya Shiki, who was currently sitting across from him. The Awakusu-kai executive tapped the end of his cigarette against the ashtray beside him thoughtfully, as if mulling over the validity of his claim. “You don’t look to be in poor health to me.”

Izaya made a conscious effort not to bite his lip. “Believe me Shiki-san, I am in no position to be doing anything at all.” A typical smirk stretched his lips, even though the sickly ochre of the room made his stomach turn. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, I could have spared you the trip here.”

Shiki waved it away casually, but Izaya would have been a fool to miss the way his eyes narrowed calculatingly. “It’s nothing Orihara-san, I’m merely disappointed you wouldn’t hear me out.”

Digging his hands into the back of he cracked leather of his seat to keep from brushing at his thigh instinctively, Izaya affected a frown and said, “But surely you want someone at the top of their game. I am anything but.”  _ Even if I don’t look it. _

To be completely candid, Izaya hadn’t even wanted to get out of bed that morning, so worried was he about what the new day would bring. The day before had been grueling, every minute of it spent on frantic research that only just kept further mental collapse at bay. Neither he nor Namie had found much of anything and it was discouraging to say the least.

The only thing that had pulled him out of bed was this impromptu meeting with Shiki that he hadn’t been able to get out of. Now he was here, in the back of some club no doubt controlled by the Yakuza, talking to a powerful man that he generally wouldn’t be saying no to.  _ I’ve got my own problems, cut me some slack. _

“Whatever is ailing you, I’m sure this wouldn’t get in the way.” Taking a long drag from his cigarette, Shiki regarded him coolly before adding, “And it’s a highly sensitive matter, I wouldn’t want it getting out because I chose my informant carelessly. You are the best.”

“You flatter me,” Izaya murmured, though he couldn’t deny that he was more than a little curious.  _ Focus, you’ve got more important fish to fry. Shizuo is your soulmate for god’s sake, don’t get sidetracked! _ “But ultimately, I can’t help you at present.”

Shiki leaned forward, a hard look entering his eyes. “This isn’t exactly a matter I wish to debate Orihara-san, I  _ need _ you on this now before it gets any worse.” The furrow between his brows deepened and Izaya could see the way his fingers twitched over his cigarette. “Already some rather important personnel have been affected, I can’t let this get any more out of hand than it already has.”

Deciding that getting out of this would be more trouble than it was worth, Izaya finally nodded, “Very well Shiki-san, I’ll see what I can do, but I must warn you, it won’t garner my full attention until my own problems have passed.” Shifting forward, Izaya deliberately reached for the manila folder at the center of the table and dragged it towards himself. “By all means, start talking,” he urged.

With an almost relieved look on his face, Shiki leaned back again. “It started roughly two days ago. Usually I’d bring things of this nature to Kishitani-san but unfortunately, he seems to be unavailable as of now.”

Pulling out the sheef of papers, certain sections held together with paperclips, Izaya felt a buzz of nervousness enter his system. Almost like a phantom pain, his thigh started to itch.

It was a list of people, people showing a very familiar list of problems.  _ What kind of joke is this supposed to be? _ Izaya wondered, flipping through the pages, waiting for a punchline that wasn’t coming. 

_ How the hell are so many people suddenly showing symptoms of soulmates?! _

“As you can see, many people working under me have started showing some very odd…” Shiki waved his cigarette about, searching for the right word. “Symptoms that are not easily explained away. Naturally I’ve done my own research, as have others under me, but all we seem to be able to find is old legends and hearsay.” A dangerous smile that was missing it’s mirth. “Right up your alley, right Orihara-san?”

Izaya glanced up from the papers, fighting to keep his expression smooth. “Sudden telepathic abilities? Odd tattoos? These seem quite unrelated to each other Shiki-san. How is a black collar in any way related to color blindness?” Inside his stomach was churning. What the hell was happening? He didn’t have time to deal with this, he was still dealing with his own problems!

_ Did it spread, am I contagious? But no, I haven’t had contact with that many people since it happened, how can this possibly be my fault? _ Izaya’s panic mixed with confusion. Shinra had said these things were rare, why were a large number of people suddenly being affected?

“I’m as confused as you are.” Shiki assured him. “But they’ve all appeared within the last two days. At first I ignored it but due to recent events, I reconsidered.” Izaya, caught up in his own thought as he was, almost missed what happened next. The Awakusu-kai executive’s hand swiftly moved to his collar and twitched it straight, pulling it back over his neck.

But not before Izaya caught a glimpse of the black band around Shiki’s throat.

_ Oh… _

“So you want me to find the cause of this,” Izaya started slowly, eyes narrowing as he took a recount of Shiki's presence. Now that he knew what he was looking for, Izaya could see the slightly disheveled air about the generally crisp man. The unnaturally high collar for someone who usually left the first two buttons open. The way his mouth tended towards a tight line as opposed to his typical relaxed expression.  _ He’s faking calm as much as I am. Tell me Shiki-san, who  _ is _ your soulmate? _

“And a way to get it to stop spreading and a solution if there is one.” Shiki was nodding, that furrow between his brows deepening again. “Believe me Orihara-san, this is not some trivial manner. I wouldn’t be wasting my money on you if it were.”

“Of course…” Calmly, Izaya slipped the papers back into the manila folder.  _ A soulmate epidemic. What is the world coming to? _ “I’ll take a look, ne? After all, I do tend to specialize in the extraordinary.”

Shiki frowned. “I’d rather there be a more innocent explanation, but I’ll take what you give me Orihara-san. Whether I like it or not, you tend to be right.” A rueful look twisted his mouth. “If only selectively so.”

Izaya gave a deceptively easy smile. “An informant is as an informant does. I’ll get back to you soon.” Getting to his feet, Izaya gave an almost mocking bow. “Goodbye Shiki-san, I do hope this apparent epidemic doesn’t bite you as well.”

_ Or at least worse than it already has. _

As he left the club, Izaya took a breath of fresh air and squinted against the blinding gold of outside. Really, he knew he should be getting back to his apartment, back to his research. Namie was currently out, probably would be for most of the day as she talked to various sources in an attempt to gather some more reliable, if less guaranteed, information. He didn’t want to be cooped up in there alone, on house arrest until further notice, but he knew deep down that he had to.

Besides, why would he want to see Shizuo anyway?

Never once did he question why mentally that was the only alternative.

Lightly, Izaya sprung up and onto one of the concrete pillars that lined this particular stretch of road. Those around him hardly blinked as he used his new perch to leap higher onto a mailbox. It felt good to get a bit of his coordination back, however small the achievement was. His vision, while making it difficult, eventually started to just settle in, become the new normal. Izaya still hated it, but he was starting to feel suspiciously resigned to it anyway.

_ I’d get rid of it in a second if I had the chance. _ Well, maybe not in a second, seeing as how the most obvious solution was one he’d never take. It was all so screwed up just thinking about it gave him a headache. It wasn’t being helped by the fact that Shizuo had suddenly taken to breaking his usual pattern of behavior.

And now there had been a veritable outbreak of people experiencing unexpected symptoms of soulmates, almost as if Celty had triggered some sort of cataclysm with her single action.  _ Well Namie did say she clearly didn’t know what she was doing… _ Grinding his teeth together, Izaya shoved his hands in his pockets and glared over the heads of the few humans walking past him. Why did this all have to be so complicated?

_ Is my life ever simple? _

Unexpectedly, a smile crossed his face. Whatever else he wanted to say about the situation, the idea of Haruya Shiki, Yakuza executive and generally a powerful and dangerous man, discovering that he had a soulmate was hilarious. Especially if the way he found out was through an obedience collar.  _ Shiki-san forced to obey someone else? The very idea is delightfully ridiculous. _

_ Oh the things I could do with this... _

Turning back in the direction of his apartment, Izaya’s mirth faded.  _ In the end, I’m still dealing with many of the same problems and they only seem to be getting worse. I don’t have time to play around with these new developments. I’d be better off finding the solution. _

He was about to dutifully start home when the ground abruptly fell out from under him.

Blinking the stars from his eyes and groaning, Izaya peeled his forehead off the ground, confused as to what had just happened. His first thought was that his support must have been knocked out from under him. It was quite a common occurrence after all, considering the amount of time he spent around Shizuo. But no, the mailbox was above him, still standing. His next assumption was that someone had grabbed him and pulled him over but this too turned out to be unlikely. The people nearest to him were several meters away and only a couple had even noticed his fall. 

_ What the hell? Did I just slip? _

Why then did it feel like someone had grabbed him by the ankle and pulled him down?

Then there was a hard tug and Izaya’s thoughts scattered as he found himself being dragged down the pavement by his ankle.  _ Who’s doing this?? _ Flipping onto his back and trying to latch onto something to keep himself from being yanked around any more, Izaya’s stomach plummeted. There was no one there. Another wrench of his ankle forced him to accept that whatever was going on wasn’t going to be easily explained.  _ What the hell is going on?! _

Attempting to struggle to his feet, Izaya let out a shout of surprise as he was promptly pulled over again in an undignified sprawl of limbs. Oblivious to his fall or for that matter him, whatever was dragging Izaya kept yanking him down the sidewalk like he weighed nothing. Noticing the people starting to stare, Izaya fought to gain control of the situation, scrambling forward and trying to get up again.

It was nearly impossible, whatever was dragging him wasn’t stopping, wasn’t so much as slowing. Instead it was a constant pull forward that reduced any and all resistance to nothing but torn skin and pulled muscles. 

His hands were bloody and his jeans were shot to hell by the time he managed to regain his feet next, a whole block later. By now panic was raging through his blood.  _ What is happening, what’s wrong with me? _ This time when he felt another pull, Izaya went with it, forcing himself to keep up with the constant torque on his leg. Though he wanted to compare it to a hand grabbing his ankle and pulling him forward, it was more like a rope than anything

Looking down at his feet as he fought to keep up with the steady pull on his leg, Izaya spent a moment in intense confusion.  _ There’s nothing there, what’s going on? _ And then he saw it, the first flash of color he’d seen in two days.

A shimmering strand of red, looped around his ankle.

Izaya’s hands started to shake.

No, no no nonono, it  _ couldn’t _ be, it couldn’t! Izaya fought his rising panic as he spend up, giving himself more slack in the line. He kept glancing down, hoping he was imagining things but it was still there, shining and damning.

An unbreakable red string. 

A string of fate.

_ I’ve got to get back home. _ Suddenly fueled by overwhelming fear, Izaya took off running towards his apartment, not caring how many weird looks he got for it. His legs, arms and lower back were torn and bleeding thanks to the pavement he’d been dragged across. His palms were bloody and cut but he could care less. The only thought in his mind was one long cry of fear.

_ I can’t deal with another symptom, I’ve already manifested three! This shouldn’t be happening, why does this problem keep getting worse! I. Can’t. Handle this! _

It only took him only a few minutes to get to his apartment building, another two to fly up the stairs. His heart was hammering by the time he finally threw himself into his apartment, cold sweat mixing with the blood on his back. It burned, but his mind was too scattered to register it.   _ What the hell- how the hell? _

In a rush, Izaya slammed his door closed and locked the new lock that had been installed above the old one.  _ Panic won’t get me anywhere, I need to figure out what’s wrong. _ But the fear racing through his blood didn’t agree.  _ Please don’t let this be what I already know it is. _ His silent prayers were useless, he already knew the truth. Feeling sick, Izaya’s gaze lowered to his ankle once more.

Now that he wasn’t moving he was able to get a good look at the red thread. It was fastened securely around his ankle, snug but not enough to cut off circulation. Disturbingly, or perhaps inevitably, there was no visible knot or tie. Bending down, or more accurately, collapsing to his knees, Izaya yanked at it and found that as he suspected, it wasn’t about to budge. As a last resort he flipped out his knife and tried in vain to sever the cord. It was only once he’d irrevocably dulled the blade that he stopped trying.

Letting the knife fall from his trembling fingers, Izaya curled up in the middle of his floor and hugged his knees, fighting the terror that filled him.  _  I need to call Namie, I need to do something I need to- to- _ But he couldn’t think straight, his mind was filled with useless static. Fear, after all, was the most virulent killer of potential solutions.

He knew what this meant, Shinra had said that this string could control how far he could get from Shizuo. Considering the beast’s strength, that meant he was practically at the man’s mercy. If Shizuo wanted to drag him somewhere, he would.

_ He already has,  _ Izaya realized with a thrill of fear and loathing.  _ He’s the reason I’m now cut up and bleeding, shaking in terror. _ For someone who had acted so worried about him, Shizuo sure hadn’t had any qualms with dragging the Raven through Shinjuku by the ankle.  _ Maybe he doesn’t know,  _ but Izaya was having a hard time reconciling this with the image of himself Shizuo had portrayed yesterday. 

After all, shouldn’t it be obvious that something was wrong if he was suddenly dragging along a protesting and fighting Izaya around by his own ankle.

Honestly, Izaya had no idea, nor could he really summon up the strength to care.

All he really wanted to do was collapse into his swivel chair and pretend like this wasn’t a problem. Just let the beast do what he wanted while Izaya confined himself to his apartment.  _ Fitting, ne? Like the slave these symptoms have made me to be, I’ll be kept in a cage. _

His mind went blank as he felt the string around his ankle go taught again. Izaya didn’t even have time to escape before he was dragged across his apartment floor by several feet. Fear seizing him once more, Izaya fought to stand only get pulled over once again.  _ W-what the hell is he doing? Stop it, you beast! _ Yet he just kept getting dragged over his carpet, leaving a trail of yellow blood in his wake.  _ Just stop moving for a second!  _ Staring towards his door hopelessly for a moment, Izaya turned back to look at his ankle only to feel his stomach drop.

Because he could see the trail the thread followed, and it lead straight through his large bay windows that overlooked the district of Ikebukuro.

Filled with renewed vigor, Izaya fought the steady pull on his ankle, straining against it in an attempt to get away.  _ He’s going to kill me, _ Izaya realized in horror.  _ If he doesn’t stop, Shizuo’s going to crush me.  _ But he couldn’t get away, the monster was far stronger than him, probably thought nothing of Izaya’s efforts to make him stop moving.

He just kept pulling, walking in that stupidly sedated way he always did. Just like a mindless beast.

Izaya’s side smacked against the base of his desk, which provided some resistance against Shizuo’s steady march forward.  _ What is he even doing? Doesn’t he feel anything? _ But then the thin wood buckled under the pressure and with a terrible splintering sound, Izaya was forced through the back of his desk. Large splinters lodged in his skin as he was dragged yet further, ever closer to the edge of his apartment.

_ No, NO! STOP!! YOU’RE GOING TO KILL ME!! _

For a second, the pressure lessened, and Izaya tried to scramble away.  _ Just let me get out of here, please! _ And for a moment, he thought he was going to be okay, he even managed to get his feet back under him and walk forward a few tentative steps.

Then his vision faded as he was slammed against the glass of his apartment wall. Izaya could hardly see straight as he felt himself being pulled ever harder, pressed against the glass. As his vision cleared, Izaya could feel his blood run cold and his stomach plummet further.

_ I’m going to die. He really is going to kill me. _

_ My own soulmate is going to kill me. _

And at last the tears started spilling out over his cheeks as with the last remnants of his strength Izaya fought to get away from his inevitable demise. But Shizuo kept pulling and he could feel the glass bending under the pressure. It hurt, he could feel his bones being ground into the hard surface and his hands left smears of golden blood behind them as he scrabbled for purchase.

_ The drop will kill me, he’ll pull me out of the window and there won’t be anything to stop me from turning into a stain on the pavement below. _

Sobbing, stuttering over curses and pleas for Shizuo to just  _ stop, _ Izaya heard the unmistakeable sound of the thick glass fracturing and closed his eyes against the blinding gold of the outside world. He didn’t want to see it happen. Didn’t want to watch the ground vanish as he was yanked through the glass and out of his apartment.

_ And to think I thought he might actually care… _

And just as suddenly as it had begun, the pressure on his ankle vanished and Izaya collapsed against his carpeted floor.

Dazed, confused as to what had just happened, Izaya blearily opened his eyes and stared at his ankle. The string had some slack to it, how much he didn’t know, but he wasn’t dead. Shizuo hadn’t killed him after all. Hugging his knees, ignoring the pain that seemed to cover his entire body, Izaya just let himself cry, let the remaining fear and hopelessness drain out of him.

_ I’m alive. He didn’t- Shizu-chan stopped moving.  _

Part of him felt pathetic for the tears that dampened his hair and neck, making his breathing stick and his face red. The rest of him could care less. He’d been about to die, this wasn’t an untoward response. For a moment a wash of relief and gratefulness crashed over Izaya because he was alive and that was very important. Especially when not but a second ago he’d been convinced he was going to be killed.

But then the anger swelled up behind it because it didn’t matter that Shizuo had stopped, what mattered was that he hadn’t cared enough to halt before then. When had the beast ever cared? How  _ dare  _ Izaya even dream that he might? That was foolishness of the highest degree and Izaya hated himself for it but more than that, he  _ hated  _ Shizuo.

_ Something needs to be done. _

Getting to his feet despite the shaking in his limbs, Izaya started for the door, grabbing for the cellphones he’d left on his desk as he went. His first order of business would be to get out of this apartment so Shizuo didn’t almost kill him again by moving too far away. 

Then he was going to find the man and _ gut  _ him for what he had almost done.

_ I don’t care if Shizu-chan’s my soulmate, I don’t care! _ Izaya thought fiercely, gritting his teeth in a snarl. _ I’m going to kill him for this! Otherwise he’s going to kill me. _

Once he was out on the streets, Izaya reached down and grabbed for the thin thread of red fate that connected him to the monster. After all, what better way to find the man than to follow the convenient trail of breadcrumbs laid out for him? As he ran, Izaya looped the thread around his arm, holding the slack close to his chest. 

Fate shouldn’t look nearly so sparkly...

As he ran, he felt one of his phones ringing. Irritated, Izaya grabbed for it and answered sharply. “What do you want?”

From the other end of the connection, he heard his secretary breathe,  _ “Oh god, what happened this time? Are you okay?” _ Horrified and more than a little frustrated she continued, _ “Because if you honestly went and got yourself hurt, I swear-” _

“I have another symptom,” he told her, forcing himself to slow down to a fast walk so he could talk properly. “The red string of fate, I discovered it after seeing Shiki-san.” Glancing down at the coils of red around his arm, Izaya’s jaw clenched. “He almost killed me Namie-san. He was going to, I promise you he was.”

_ “Who, Shiki?” _ Namie demanded, her voice getting lost to the sound of traffic as Izaya left Shinjuku and crossed over into Ikebukuro.  _ “You’re not making sense Izaya, what the hell is going on?” _

“SHIZUO ALMOST KILLED ME!” he yelled into the phone, not caring about the way his voice shook. “He- the thread only lets me get a certain distance from him, he almost dragged me through the window of my apartment. I almost died Namie-san, the glass cracked, I couldn’t-” His voice was weakening and he hated himself for it. “He’s so much stronger than me, I couldn’t do  _ anything.” _

_ “Izaya,” _ her voice gentled considerably.  _ “I’m sorry. You should have called me as soon as you found it. I would have come and helped-” _

“Oh, but I didn’t need help,” Izaya spat, hardly paying attention to the people swelling around him. “I needed Shizuo to stop moving and he almost didn’t. It’s a miracle I’m still alive at all. He was going to  _ murder _ me.”

_ “Calm down,” _ Namie advised with a sigh.  _ “You’re freaking out right now but I need you to look at this calmly. You have a small apartment in Ikebukuro, right?” _ She sounded reasonable, not exactly what he was looking for at that moment in time.

Sneering terribly, Izaya assured her, “Oh, I won’t be needing to stay there Namie-san because I’m ending this right now.”

_ “What the hell are you planning?”  _ Namie asked, alarmed.  _ “Izaya, can we please think about this for a moment, whatever you want to do, it’s not-” _

“I’m going to kill him!” he snapped into the phone. “I’m going to slaughter him like the beast he is, I should have done it the moment this whole thing started!” The anger in his blood wouldn’t let him do anything else. He was done giving in, he was going to end it his way.

The only right way.

Otherwise, well, Izaya was tired of breaking down, piece by pathetic piece.

_ “Izaya!”  _ Namie’s voice hurt his ear and he held it away from his face.  _ “Don’t you- STOP AND THINK FOR A GODDAMNED MINUTE!!” _

“I’M DONE THINKING!” Izaya shouted right back. “HE. ALMOST. KILLED ME! I’m just returning the favor!”

_ “Do you have  _ any _ idea of what the ramifications for doing this are?” _ Namie asked, incredulous.  _ “Well? Do you? Because believe me Izaya, it’s not going to be pretty. This shit doesn’t end just because you kill him. In fact, I can guarantee it’ll be worse so would you please-” _

“At least he won’t be pulling me off of any buildings,” Izaya hissed before hanging up on his secretary. She just didn’t understand, she hadn’t been at the top of a highrise, watching her life flash before her eyes as the window glass cracked under her weight. She hadn’t been dragged across a good block of pavement without knowing what was going on. She didn’t have a soulmate!

Shoving his phone back in his pocket, Izaya palmed two knives and slipped them up his sleeves. He had to be getting close, there was too much red thread around his arm for it to be otherwise. For a moment he blinked in surprise as the fact he was seeing another color than yellow really sank in, but then he thought about what it stood for and he felt more irrational anger rise up.

_ I’m going to kill him! Even if it kills me too. _

And then he saw a blinding flash of light and froze because there he was, in all his monstrous glory and he was staring right at him.

“Izaya?” Izaya didn’t dare think about Shizuo’s tone of voice because that would have meant he’d have had to think about the overwhelming relief and emotion there.

Instead, he let his blades slide free before launching himself at his soulmate.

~•~

Shizuo wasn’t having a good day and that might have been an understatement.

He’d woken up irritable and worried, unable to think about anything but Izaya. The first part of his day had been spent in a daze, too tired to keep his thoughts straight.

And now something was wrong with his ankle and honestly, Shizuo was so sick of this shit.

Something, though he couldn’t figure out what, felt like it was dragging behind him. Shizuo kept checking his ankle but if there was something there, he couldn’t see it. For the last block it had felt like he was dragging a weight behind him. It wasn’t so bad, but it was fucking annoying.

Really, he had bigger things to worry about, he didn’t need this shit.

“Shizuo! Something wrong?” Tom called, turning around to give him a curious look.

_ You mean other than what’s already wrong? _ Biting back the uncharitable response, Shizuo gruffly answered, “No, nothing,” and gave his leg another good tug. As if he’d pulled whatever it was loose, the weight vanished and he lurched forward unexpectedly. Catching himself, the blond man ignored the twin looks of confusion on Vorona’s and Tom’s faces.

“Is having to do with Soulmate?” Vorona asked, tilting her head to the side and watching Shizuo intently. He hated that  _ this _ was now their go-to question, but he could hardly blame them. It had been his immediate assumption as well.

Falling into step beside them, the blond sighed. “I have no fucking clue.” Looking down at his ankle again as it met with a slight bit of resistance, Shizuo ground his teeth together. “I feel like something’s tied to my ankle or something.” Which was stupid, because he couldn’t see anything there.

Glancing back, Tom stared down at Shizuo’s feet and shrugged helplessly. “There’s nothing there Shizuo.” He looked genuinely regretful that he couldn’t help which only made Shizuo feel worse.

“Don’t worry about it Tom-san, it’s probably nothing.” He didn’t believe his own words, but that didn’t exactly matter. It wasn’t as if he could do anything about it. Shizuo’s only course of action was going to Shinra and he was sick of beating that dead dog. 

_ I could try talking to Izaya again… _

But he didn’t dare.  _ Remember his face, remember the fear you saw there. Don’t make it worse, just let Izaya calm down and solve his own problems. It’s for the best. _ Why did he want to do anything to help the man he’d until recently considered his rival? Shizuo didn’t know, nor did he care. He had more important things to think about than a simple change of heart.

They’d probably just go back to hating each other after this was all over anyway.

“Look on the bright side,” Tom suggested with a half-smile. “At least we shouldn’t be dealing with anyone too stressful today.” Which was tantamount to him saying  _ at least you won’t lose it and hurt more people because you’re distracted _ but Shizuo was grateful for it anyway.

“Good,” he muttered, hunching his shoulders and looking at the ground. The sidewalk looked like lava but while it had made him uneasy for the last few days, by now Shizuo was used to it.  _ It’s just Izaya’s eyes after all, it’s just my vision and my wrist. I’m fine, much better than the Flea anyway… _

It worried him, thinking of Izaya and how scared he’d been. Shizuo didn’t want to believe that Izaya would try and kill himself over this but he didn’t know. It was Izaya, how could he know? All he wanted was for Izaya to go back to his usual asshole-ish self. He didn’t want to deal with whatever had become of his enemy.

Honestly, it all just made him feel sick.

“Is not this place of residence?” The sound of Vorona’s voice brought Shizuo out of his daze. Glancing over the heads of his friends, Shizuo glanced up at the shit apartment and sighed. Another day, another problem, another idiot he had to deal with.

“Yep,” Tom confirmed, giving a resigned sigh. “Shouldn’t be much of a problem. Never has been, just a bit irritating.” Glancing behind himself at Shizuo, Tom cocked an eyebrow and asked, “Wanna sit this one out Shizuo. Vorona can probably handle him if he gets violent.”

Almost irritated that Tom would give him special treatment, Shizuo grunted, “No, I’m fine. I’m not going to blow up just cause he’s a dick.” Tom gave a half-laugh and a what-can-you-do sort of shrug. Shizuo took this as intended and followed his employer towards the apartment.

It was dirty, disgusting. The man who opened the door wasn’t much better. Shizuo hated the look of his eyes especially, like a beetle, glinting sickly red in his vision. Of course, he forced himself to ignore it, focusing instead on the situation.  _ I can’t fix my vision, I can’t do anything to make this more pleasant so I might as well focus and not screw up. _

The man whinged, curling under Tom’s gaze. Shizuo took a deep breath and lit up, pretending for all he was worth that the idiot wasn’t talking. Something about not having the money this time, telling Tom he shouldn’t pester him so much. But there was something about the man that Shizuo instinctively knew was off. The slight shifts in the man’s behavior that indicated there was more to see than met the eye.

Unfortunately, Shizuo knew the look too well. It was the same fucking look that Izaya used to wear before he drew the knife, let loose with the insult, changed tactics. All of it, conniving, evil, disgusting. And it pissed Shizuo off because that expression was the one he wanted Izaya to be wearing instead of the fear and the misery. This man, who looked small and dirty, shouldn’t have been giving Tom that smile.

A moment later, Shizuo realized what the implications of the look were and only recognized it just in time. No matter how hampered his vision was, his reflexes hadn’t suffered a bit. He moved almost before the man did, lunging forward to block the knife that had been aimed for Tom.

“Piece of  _ shit!” _ the man spit, the sycophantic look vanishing at once. He attempted to strike again with the blade, a dirty carving knife that wasn’t built for this but seemed perfectly capable of making Shizuo’s life irritating. Letting out some of the irritation and energy he’d been bottling up, Shizuo lifted the man off his feet and threw him backwards, sending him crashing through the wall and into the alley behind.

“No offence,” Shizuo said, an angry grin on his face, rage still rising off of him in waves. “But I really don’t like violence. Also, I don’t like people attacking my employer.” The man was still spitting curses, shaking the rubble off. Grudgingly, the blond gave the man some credit. Most people didn’t stand up after he threw them through a wall.

_ Only one person ever does…  _ The thought only pissed him off more.

“I’ll kill you!!” he screeched, unsteady but upright and furious. Glaring at Tom in particular, he hissed, “I’ll gut you and your fuckboy and the whore, I’ll fuckng kill you all.” Shizuo normally wouldn’t have cared about this posturing, but the man got up and it irritated him to no end that he’d been almost expecting some sort of crafty threat. The kind Izaya might spit out as they flew down the streets.

Not the desperate orders that sounded more like pleas that had tumbled from his mouth the day before.

“Do you really want to fucking try?” Shizuo tried to walk through the door only to feel his ankle resist him again. Too fixated on the man in front of him to give it proper consideration, the blond pressed on, walking towards hole in the wall where he stopped, staring at the lowlife with fire in his eyes. “Because I’ve been having a shit couple of days and I  _ will _ hurt you.”

He was sick of this man, sick of his mystery problems and even more tired of the ones he partially understood. And now this man was threatening Tom and Vorona and that was the last straw. All in all, he was too worn out for this shit.

“Don’t kill him Shizuo,” Tom said, sounding tired, resigned as if he’d know this would happen. Instantly, guilt flooded into his bloodstream. Shizuo cringed as he remembered that just a moment ago he’d been convinced he could handle some minor irritations. This wasn’t handling, this was, in fact, the very antithesis of dealing. “Come on, he’s harmless, ignore him.”

Drawing in a hard breath, Shizuo forced himself to take a step back. Tom was right, this wasn’t worth it. He should be worrying about Izaya, not about something like this.

But even as he turned around, the idiot behind him had to open his mouth again.

“I’ll destroy everything you’ve ever cared about!” the man shouted, brandishing his knife wildly. “I’ll kill anyone you ever loved. I’ll  _ crush  _ you!”

And like that, Shizuo snapped because while he knew that he could handle himself and Vorona and Tom weren’t helpless either, he  _ hated _ people who threaten those closest to him. Usually, when someone said something like this he thought of Kasuka and that was enough to drive him into a blind rage. The thought of anyone hurting his little brother could make him see red faster than anything else. It was his natural reaction.

But that wasn’t what made him turn around because Kasuka hadn’t been the person who popped into his mind.

Instead, he’d seen an image of Izaya, cowering against a wall, tears leaking out of his eyes and an inexplicable fury filled him. The idea that this piece of filth, or any piece of filth for that matter, would  _ dare _ to lay so much as a finger on Izaya awoke in him such a primal rage that he moved without thinking. Faster than was should have been strictly possible, Shizuo lunged forward and slammed the man into the brick wall at his back, pinning him by the throat.

“You wouldn’t  _ dare,” _ he growled, his voice somehow conveying every bit of the incomprehensible ire in his blood, all the desire and need to snuff out the light of this pathetic shit. He tried to get closer but found that his ankle was yet again holding him back, the pressure greater than before. Something told him to let go, give up and obey the pull behind him but Shizuo physically couldn’t. All he wanted to do was  _ kill _ this man for ever daring to hurt Izaya.

_ HE’S MINE! MY FUCKING PROBLEM, MY FUCKING SOULMATE! YOU CAN’T HURT HIM, YOU CAN’T EVEN TOUCH HIM!! _

His fingers retracted, even as he tried to get better purchase, pulling his protesting foot forward, slowly but surely. “He’s not fucking yours to so much as  _ look at!” _ The man was trembling now, the knife was long gone. Tears and snot and sweat leaked from what seemed like every possible orifice, entirely disgusting, just like the trash he was holding aloft. “DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?” Shizuo suddenly thundered, slamming the man’s head against the wall again and again. “HE’S MINE!”

And he would have killed him, had not the voice of Tom and the tug of Vorona’s grip yanked him free of the fury that had him ensnared. “Shizuo!” Tom barked, sounding scared for the first time since they’d started working together. “Let him go!”

“Shizuo-senpai, is unfortunately illegal to cause death in such manner,” Vorona insisted, her fingers digging in hard. “Do not! Is not worth uncomfortable consequences.”

It took everything he had, but Shizuo wrenched himself free of his own anger and stumbled backward, finally letting the tension on his ankle loosen. Finally allowing Vorona to push him back, away from the man now curled up on the ground. The back of his head was bleeding but Shizuo couldn’t make himself feel guilty for what had happened.

_ Dirty fuck deserved it.  _ “He was threatening- Said he was going to kill-” Shizuo couldn’t even finish a sentence properly, the anger in him wouldn’t let his mouth work properly. He just let Tom grab his other arm and help Vorona lead him out of the dank apartment and into the harsh red glare of the sunlight.

“Shizuo, it’s what they all say,” Tom reminded him patiently, closing the door behind them as if that would do much good. Massaging his forehead with his fingertips, Tom muttered something under his breath that Shizuo would have sworn was  _ At least the city counts the damage he does as natural disasters. _

“Look,” he finally said, walking down the small staircase towards where Vorona still had a hand on Shizuo as if holding him back. “You can’t just blow up at everyone who threatens Kasuka. I know it’s hard for you but think about it. He’s got bodyguards, he’s got private security. Hell, he’s even got a pseudonym. No one’s going to touch him.”

“I wasn’t thinking about Kasuka,” Shizuo growled, only realizing it was true once he’d said the words.  _ I was thinking about Izaya, _ he forced himself to acknowledge, brushing at the glowing name on his wrist.  _ I was thinking about my soulmate getting hurt and it made me furious. _

Tom gave him a nonplussed look, but Vorona caught on almost at once. “Is thinking about soulmate,” she stated softly, watching Shizuo’s face intently. “Much worried about Izaya occurring harm from annoying man.”

The debt collector's eyes widened as if surprised, then they sobered. “I see,” was the only answer he had for the situation.

But now the dam had broken and Shizuo couldn’t contain himself. It all came pouring out at once. “Fucking piece of shit thinks he can act all pathetic and scared like that and not talk to me about it. We’re fucking soulmates and I’m not even allowed to fucking see him because everyone’s worried about it getting worse. What if it’s already fucking worse, huh? What if he’s hurt? What if it’s my fault? How am I supposed to do fuck all if he’s a city away?”

Vorona’s usually flat face fell a bit as if trying to sympathize with his pain. “Matter is not simple. Izaya and Shizuo-senpai, rivals. Not friends. Makes problem difficult to unnecessary level.”

“Fuck, I know that!” he snapped, clenching his fists, hating how his anger instantly turned cannibalistic and started eating him from the inside out. Shizuo dug his fingers into his hair, trying to relieve some of the stress. “It pisses me the hell off. Why does it have to be him?”

“I don’t know,” Tom admitted, giving a slow sigh. “But I do know that this isn’t going to help anyone. You’re just torturing yourself.”

“GOOD!” Shizuo snapped. “I fucking deserve it!”

“No,” Tom said calmly, stepping forward till he was standing directly before the blond. “You don’t. I know you Shizuo, I know you’re going to figure this out but trust me, that informat isn’t as weak as everyone’s making him out to be. He’ll pull through and all you can do is be there for him when he needs it.”

Knowing his employer and long time friend had a point, Shizuo let go of his hair and looked up miserably. “He never fucking asks for help,” he muttered, clenching and unclenching his teeth helplessly. “He just self-destructs.”

“Shizuo-senpai has much in common with Orihara,” Vorona observed, raising her eyebrows minutely. “But Tom-san correct, must not obsess.” Forcing himself to release some of the tension from his mind, the blond glanced up at Vorona and nodded slowly.

“You’re right.” But they didn’t feel right, Shizuo felt like something was horribly wrong but everything felt like shit so he decided it would be easier to just keep moving than running over the same pothole. “I’ll be fine.”

Though he probably didn’t believe it for a second, Tom nodded slowly. “Then come on, we have work to do and this isn’t getting any of it done. We might as well.”

Obediently, Shizuo followed in a daze. As they headed back into the more populated sections of Ikebukuro, Shizuo refused to let his thoughts wander. He couldn’t keep worrying about Izaya and he couldn’t keep obsessing over the matter of soulmates lest he go crazy. At least his ankle wasn’t bothering him any more. It was a small thing, but small things were still better than nothing.

Vorona and Tom made small talk, Shizuo normally would have joined in but he couldn’t be bothered. All he had the energy to do was focus on the streams of people around him. All the same dull crimson, all blending together if he stared too long. The one thing he wanted to see, the flash of a solar flair in a sea of blood, wasn’t there. But what did it matter, it wasn’t as if Izaya and he were going to fix anything...

“So there are two names this way,” Tom pointed to the right, a thoughtful expression on his face. “But there’s one name this way.”

“Is getting near lunch,” Vorona observed, glancing to the watch that Shizuo automatically held out only to scoff when they noticed it was broken. “At least close,” she decided, and Shizuo pulled his arm back, still not really listening. “Good ramen place to left. Might as well.”

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking,” Tom pondered, stroking his chin. “I mean, if we’re going to have to go back the other direction anyway we might as well get lunch sooner rather than later.”

Vorona nodded in agreement. “Shizuo-senpai have opinion on proceedings?”

But Shizuo wasn’t listening, he was so far from paying attention he might as well have been deaf.

Because a few meters away he could see the bright fire of light that could only mean one thing and it was all he could think about. As the crowd parted, he saw the man, standing straight and tall like he always used to. With purpose and life in his blood. The Raven hadn’t seen him yet, but it hardly mattered because for those moments, Shizuo could feel a wave of relief follow the worry and guilt that had instantly filled him.  _ Okay, he’s okay. _

But then Izaya turned and Shizuo realized that okay was the furthest possible thing from the truth of what he was seeing before him. Izaya’s face was swollen with tears, putting to shame anything he’d seen the day before. His teeth were bared in a snarl and there was an irrational rage surrounding him, one so powerful that Shizuo could feel it from where he stood.

As their eyes met, Shizuo softly said, “Izaya-” unsure how to finish his thought, not even knowing what he was supposed to say to the hurting man before him.

But as it turned out, he didn’t have to, because in the next second Izaya drew his knives and lunged for Shizuo’s throat with a feral cry of anger. “I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!”

Unprepared, Shizuo felt Izaya’s first knife bite into his arm as he flew at him with a fury he’d never seen before in the man. Cursing as blood stained the second shirt in what felt like as many days, Shizuo leapt out of the way as Izaya regained his bearings and came after him again. “Izaya!” he snapped, alarmed and unsure where the rage had come from. “What the hell is this supposed to be?”

“YOU ALREADY KNOW!” Izaya spat in his face, slashing at him with such intensity it was as if a demon had possessed him. “IT’S YOUR FAULT SHIZUO, ALL YOUR FAULT!!!” Another swing of his blade, another quick dodge backward. “YOU’RE A MONSTER!”

It was the same thing he’d been told a million times before but this time, it really hurt. Shizuo didn’t want to hear that he was a monster, he already knew it was true. So instead he just focused on staying out of range of Izaya’s blades. “What the hell happened to you?” he begged, still retreating. “Izaya, just stop for a second and-”

“NO! YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A MONSTER. I AM A GOD!” He sounded desperate. Hell, he looked desperate. Beneath the anger was a powerful fear that rocked Shizuo to his core. _What did I do to you Izaya? How did I hurt you this time?_ “YOU WILL NEVER HURT ME AGAIN!”

“Just tell me what I did!” Shizuo pleaded, avoiding the pedestrians that were scattering around them. Tom and Vorona were watching, both looking like they wanted to intervene but Shizuo gave them a look that said as loudly as a wordless command can to  _ stay back _ . This was his problem and he wasn’t going to let Izaya get any more hurt than he already had.

It would have been an easy enough matter to flatten Izaya who was being reckless in his fear, but Shizuo couldn’t didn’t want to hurt the man, he was tired of doing that. Instead he destroyed the blades in Izaya’s hands with two well placed moves but all it seemed to do was make the Raven more desperate.

_ “What do you think you did?” _ Izaya demanded, his voice hoarse, quavering. Whether it was from anger or from terror, Shizuo couldn’t tell. More knives found their way into his fingers. “You’re my  _ soulmate! _ I can’t see anything but gold everywhere, I’ve got your name on my  _ thigh! _ Don’t look at me like you’re sorry when you  _ aren’t.” _

Shizuo’s eyes widened but he didn’t attack back, he just divested Izaya of his new knives, accepting the bite of metal against skin almost like penance for what he’d done. Another two knives were produced and Izaya leapt at him like he couldn’t do anything else. A rabid dog, an injured panther, backed into a corner and fighting for his life against someone who didn’t want to hurt him. 

“That’s not the only thing you’re upset over,” Shizuo insisted, ignoring the blood dripping from the various wounds Izaya had inflicted. “Look at me Izaya, why are you so upset? You- you’re fucking crying Flea. Shit, I’m sorry for whatever I did, just tell me what’s wr-”

“DON’T YOU SAY THAT!” Izaya screamed, and Shizuo knew he was a moment away from just shattering. “AFTER WHAT YOU DID YOU DON’T GET TO SAY THINGS LIKE THAT!”

This time when Shizuo crushed the knives between his fingers like tinfoil, Izaya withdrew for a second, breathing hard as he looked for another weapon, another thing to hurl at Shizuo. The blond could see it in the red halo around the man that he wasn’t okay, could read every emotion sparking in the depths of his eyes.  _ What did I do to him? Why is he like this? _

“Just please, tell me,” Shizuo begged, holding his hands out as much as a matter of protection as supplication. “Izaya, I don’t want to hurt you, I just want you to go back to normal, I didn’t mean to do whatever it was that I did so please-”

Finding one last knife, Izaya snapped forward with all the force of a hurricane. “YOU ALMOST KILLED ME!” The blade sunk into Shizuo’s shoulder. He felt it, but he ignored it. Instead, he caught Izaya’s wrists in his hands and drew the struggling man in close, close enough that he could see the fresh tears escaping from Izaya’s eyes. Inside, he could feel his blood running cold but instead of showing what was going on inside his brain, Shizuo simply knelt on the pavement before the fighting Izaya and waited for him to stop thrashing.

“YOu, you…” As the tears fell harder, Izaya’s face crumpled and the fear finally came pouring out. Shizuo felt the man start to shake but unlike the debtor he’d almost killed earlier, this trembling made his heart burn. He didn’t dare pull Izaya any closer, but he didn’t want to let go either. “I- I couldn’t get away,” Izaya whispered, the fight leaving him. “You’re too strong…”

As his knees buckled, Shizuo caught him, kept him from falling to the ground completely. Like this, he saw the horrible cuts covering the man’s forearms and palms, destroying the smooth skin that usually was there. The bright crimson blood seemed to glow, standing out against the man’s already red skin like liquid fire. Guilt clawing it’s way up Shizuo’s throat, he steadied Izaya, kept him from running.

“What did I do?” Shizuo asked softly, leaning his forehead against Izaya’s in a moment of irrationality. Why he wanted to be this close was incomprehensible. How could he explain something so new, so confusing. What he could do was try and keep his breathing flat, try to convey his calm to the shaking man in his grasp. “Izaya, please, I can’t solve anything unless you tell me.”

“You can’t do anything you idiot,” Izaya spat, jerking back, away from Shizuo like he’d been burned. “You- I- It’s the string of fate. You’ve been dragging me around all day. How could you not- Do I mean that little to you?”

And then the pull on his ankle started to make sense and Shizuo felt his stomach plummet.  _ What have I done? The blood… Was that because of me? _ But he knew it was, couldn’t pretend it wasn’t.  _ Oh god, I hurt him. All this time spent trying to not make things any fucking worse and all I can do is hurt him. _

“I hurt everywhere,” Izaya whimpered, more tears spilling over his cheeks as his shaking increased. “I- I’m bleeding and I’m bruised and I couldn’t even get away. I couldn’t do  _ anything.” _ he pulled his hands free of Shizuo’s grip and scraped at the ground, holding something up.

Now that it was obvious, Shizuo could see it too, even against a backdrop of red. It was red string, dripping over Izaya’s fingers like shimmering water. “Didn’t you even notice the pull on your ankle? Did you even stop to think?”

“I didn’t know,” Shizuo said but it sounded too much like a useless excuse. “I had no idea. I couldn’t see anything-”

Izaya stumbled back and stared at him with such accusation in his eyes, it took Shizuo’s breath away. “You almost pulled me out of the window of my apartment.” He shook as he spoke, attempted to mop at the tears still covering his face. “I- I couldn’t get away. I thought I was going to die. The glass cracked Shizu-chan, you almost made me fall to my death and you didn’t even notice. You never even stopped to think.”

And then, like he needed a final nail in the coffin, “Does the word  _ soulmate _ mean nothing to you?”

Shizuo opened his mouth, but there weren’t any words to say. All he could do was stare at Izaya as the raven-haired man slowly backed away before running away, leaving him keeling in the middle of the road. Only noticing his own shaking now, Shizuo lifted unsteady fingers to the knife in his shoulder and yanked it out, not caring about the blood that spilled over his fingers at the action. 

_ I almost killed him, _ Shizuo thought, bile rising in his throat at the words.  _ I tried to protect him but in the end all I could do was hurt him. _ Feeling worthless, Shizuo’s head hung limply on his neck. He hardly noticed Tom and Vorona as they rushed to his side, trying to reanimate him. The only thing he could think of was Izaya.

And of how majorly he had fucked up something he hadn’t even known he cared so much about until it was too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the current count is at 30:24. Honestly, I haven't counted up all the votes in my inbox. Basically, if you haven't been responded too, you're vote hasn't been counted YET. I promise they will be counted though, fear not!
> 
> An extra vote to whoever can guess who Shiki's soulmate is xD It's a personal ship of mine, I promise it won't be obtrusive.
> 
> Suicide watch is a little more confining than I expected but progress is being made. I'll figure it out soon, I promise. Until then, expect another chapter of The Users and the Used as soon as I can swing it. I'm doing my best, I promise. Please have patience with me my dears.
> 
> All of your love and kindness has been amazing, I can't even begin to say how much it's done for me.
> 
> Until next time~


	7. But It's Better If You Don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Shizuo and Izaya share a moment of solidarity and it hurts more than it should

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *holds up hands in surrender* Look, I know I have two other stories I should be working on. But I just wanted to work on this one. 
> 
> The current tally is 56:36.5 I have huge numbers of uncounted votes piling up though so that number is subject to change and will probably do so as soon as I've finished posting this chapter but yeah. So far, Izaya's winning by a huge margin.
> 
> To those who have been adorable in their guesses about who Shiki's soulmate is, well... It's Akabayashi Mizuki!! Yes, I too ship these wonderfully crooked gang members. Anyone who got it right before now, you have been or will be awarded an extra vote. :D
> 
> Now onto the story, because that's why you all are here. 
> 
> This one's especially for you Kanra-chan. Your story always puts a smile on my face!
> 
> Enjoy!

_ Damnit Izaya, _ Namie thought, furiously dialing the number again and waiting, letting the phone’s ringing fill the empty car garage sublevel.  _ Stupid bastard thinking he knows what he’s doing when he’s clearly losing it. _ As always, she was met with Izaya’s unhelpful voicemail, dictated in that annoyingly chipper voice she’d gotten used to.

_ “If you’re calling this number you are either my lovely secretary or a certain underground doctor. I didn’t pick up so  _ clearly _ I’m busy. Or asleep. Or possibly somewhere in Ikebukuro that will go unnamed but you shall certainly see in the news tonight thought it might be little more than smoldering wreckage. _

_ “Leave a message or don’t. I probably know what you’re going to say regardless. Because I’m just perfect that way. Tata for now~” _

With a groan, she hung up and stared at her phone as if it might produce the irritating informant for her. It didn’t. She was tempted to throw the device across the empty space but unlike her employer, she didn’t have an infinite number of the damn things.

_ Probably getting himself killed because he isn’t thinking. Doubt he even listened to me. _ Frustrated, Namie dialed the number again, intent on leaving a very long-winded message to vent her anger. Better than ripping out his throat next time she saw him. If  _ Izaya  _ was still alive because she doubted he’d been able to kill the blond. 

Still alive, if Shizuo hadn’t managed to make an egregious error…

The phone gave another half-hearted ring and Namie sighed again. She doubted the blond man would kill Izaya, at least intentionally, but then, according to Izaya the man had almost killed him anyway.  _ It’s like they’re trying to make this impossible. God they’re both hopeless. _ They were hopeless, the situation was hopeless, Namie’s chances of getting out of this while it wasn’t that bad were hopeless… 

_ “Yes?” _ At the sound of the slightly scratchy and utterly flat voice, Namie almost dropped her phone. She hadn’t even noticed he’d picked up.

“Izaya?” she muttered, feeling something akin to relief but probably more like resignation trickle through her. Snapping into reality, Namie spent a moment reordering her priorities before asking sharply. “Where are you?”

_ “Does it matter?” _ Izaya answered back numbly, voice still infuriatingly flat. And yet there was something in his tone that worried Namie, something that sounded horribly like defeat.

“Yes Izaya, yes it does.” Drawing on every ounce of her patience that she’d ever possessed, Namie calmly repeated, “Tell me where you are. Last I talked to you, you were headed to Ikebukuro. Are you still there?”

_ “What, no questions about Shizu-chan?” _ Izaya responded with an attempt at levity that failed miserably. It was only then that Namie put a finger on the other piece of Izaya’s emotions.  _ Fear, he’s afraid and defeated. What the hell happened to him? _

“So I take it he’s alive,” Namie said, sending up a prayer of thanks to whatever god was listening. “Good. Now what I want to know is if  _ you _ are okay.”

_ “I’m in the small apartment I have in Ikebukuro,” _ Izaya finally answered, sounded exhausted.  _ “I- I’m fine.” _ Well that much she knew was bullshit but she could address that later. When dealing with Izaya, it was as much about what wasn’t said as what was.

“What happened?” she asked gently, frustrated that she was here and not there were she could be of some use.  _ This is going to be far more helpful in the long run, Izaya can survive. He’s always been a mess. _ “Did you not find him?” Stupid question, she knew that Izaya had found Shizuo, but she had to bait the Raven into answering, otherwise he’d skirt the question indefinitely. 

_ “Oh I found him,” _ Izaya assured her, voice tremulous.  _ “And he might as well have just stood there Namie-san. He didn’t even fight back.” _ Izaya drew in a deep breath, sucked it in like a drowning man.  _ “He says he didn’t know about it. He didn’t even notice the string at all.” _

_ How much worse can this situation get? _ Namie wondered. “Look, you’ll be fine,” she lied through her teeth. “Just stay in Ikebukuro where he can’t drag you off of any tall buildings. We’re going to figure this out, alright?”  _ When am I going to tell him it’s hopeless?  _ Not, she decided, until she exhausted every possible option they had.

_ “Okay,” _ Izaya muttered, but he didn’t sound like he believed her. That was fine, she didn’t believe herself. Namie just wished her employer would go back to his usual assholish self already so she didn’t have to feel bad for him or help him. This was getting ridiculous.

_ Distract him. _ “What did Shiki have to say?” she asked finally, crossing one arm over her chest and using it to prop up the elbow of the other. “It seemed serious, maybe you should try looking into that for a while, try not to focus on the soulmate stuff.”

Izaya let out a dry laugh.  _ “Oh no, you see, that’s funny Namie-san. What a splendid thing you should bring that up because you’ll never guess what happened.” _ Judging by his tone, she didn’t want to know.

“Oh god,” she sighed, already preparing herself for the worst. “What now?”

_ “Apparently, Celty’s magic didn’t just affect me,” _ Izaya told her, for the first time since the conversation began sounding a little less hopeless. It was a nice change, though she knew it couldn’t last.  _ “Think soulmate epidemic Namie-san. Scores of people suddenly manifesting symptoms overnight for no reason at all.” _

Namie snapped to attention. “Wait, what? When? How many? Are there any correlations?” A buzz of something like hope entered her system. If others had been hit with the same problem, if they had a larger sample size, maybe she’d be able to discern what had actually happened to Izaya in the first place. Isolation of the problem could lead to a solution. It was a dim hope, but it was there.

_ “None of it started before me from what I can tell. No correlations that I can see.” _ There was a rustling and Namie waited, trying to staunch her curiosity.  _ “But then, I might be the correlation. After all, I do many dealings with these people.” _ His voice fell a bit as he continued, whatever burst of stamina the matter had granted him draining away.  _ “He wants a solution and I have nothing. How fitting, ne Namie-san?” _

“Perhaps we have nothing now,” Namie agreed, her wheels still spinning, finding a sudden abundance of things to gain traction on. “But we will. This is good Izaya, we’re going to figure this out. I promise you.”

_ “He never even fought back.” _ She hadn’t expected those words to come from Izaya, not given the situation, not with such deep sadness in them.  _ “He just let me cut him, let me hurt him. He’s supposed to hate me Namie-san, why isn’t he hating me? Why didn’t he try to kill me? Why does he care? Shizu-chan’s not supposed to care, he’s supposed to be a monster.” _

Sighing softly, Namie felt a stir of pity for her employer. She’d never made it her place to intervene between Izaya and Shizuo, feeling perfectly content to let them duke it out in the streets every now and again. Of course she’d suspected, wondered just how they’d react if one of them were to show genuine weakness, but she’d never said a word. Izaya, after all, wasn’t kind to people who brought up Shizuo. 

Namie would have described it as possessive, but in the most twisted way imaginable.

But now she was being dumped between them by Izaya’s request and she didn’t exactly know what she was supposed to say. On one hand, after witnessing a more mild state of the mood Shizuo was clearly in, Namie was convinced he would be more likely to help Izaya than hurt him given the opportunity, but on the other hand, the two of them seemed hell bent on making things hard for themselves. Something would happen, she was sure, to make things worse.

But for now…

“Don’t be so quick to discount help just because you’re afraid of what you’ll find there, Izaya,” she told him softly, not really sure if her advice was sound but willing to give it a chance either way. “Shizuo doesn’t hate you, that much is clear. In fact, I’d say he’s looking out for you more than you’re looking out for yourself. Right now, you’re the one making this needlessly complicated.”

_ “But I don’t want-” _ Izaya started to protest.

“You don’t have to give in,” Namie assured him quickly, waving her free hand adamantly even though Izaya wasn’t anywhere to see it. “But maybe listen to him for once. Just don’t kill him. Please?”

_ “I don’t think I could even if I wanted to,” _ Izaya whispered, and Namie wondered if she was imagining the tears at the edges of his words.  _ “Stupid beast just lets me hurt him and tries to calm me down. We’re supposed to be enemies, he’s making things difficult.” _

_ Ditto to you. _ Biting her lip for a second, a terrible habit she’d picked up from Izaya, Namie took a deep breath and suggested something she’d never even thought of before. “Izaya,”  _ God, I’m going soft. _ “Until we’ve figured this out, I want you to take a break from all this. I don’t want you working on Shiki's case and I don’t want you worrying about the soulmate stuff at all. Just try and relax.”  _ He’s useless anyway, I might as well handle it myself. _ “Please?”

_ “And do what Namie-san?” _ he asked bitterly, that sour note of inadequacy making itself plain.  _ “Lie in bed and wish I was dead? I should be helping.” _

“Not in this state.” Thinking quickly, Namie suggested, “Why don’t you go to that sushi place you always order food from? It’s near your apartment, plus it’s not dangerous or stressful at all. I just don’t want you getting any more hurt than you already are. I can’t help you if you’re not around to be helped.”

_ “Fine,” _ Izaya agreed flatly, and Namie didn’t like it, how easily he’d given in.  _ “I need some stuff from my office though. Will you-” _

“Yes, but only after I’m done here.” Looking around the still empty parking garage, Namie gave a snort of impatience. “The person I’m supposed to be meeting is late.”

_ “Just as long as we find something.” _ Without so much as a goodbye, which to be honest was becoming fairly typical of him, Izaya hung up. Tching in annoyance, Namie slipped her phone back into her pocket and crossed her arms, thinking.

Izaya was clearly in a bad place, that much was obvious to anyone with a brain. How bad, well, Namie could only hope it wasn’t too horrible. He had sounded bad over the phone, like he’d finally broken under the pressure, but she had to press on regardless. She knew Izaya, he was as mercurial as they came. Changing like the weather from day to day. If she could give him even just a sliver of hope, there was a chance he’d pull through.

That or someone would have to pick up the pieces.

_ Is it wrong I think Shizuo would do it for Izaya without question? _

Scanning the badly lit parking garage, Namie was unsurprised, if a little grateful to see the glowing text appear near her.

**_[Is he okay?]_ **

Turning to face the newcomer, Namie tilted her chin up and said, “No, but then, you should have expected that.”

Stepping out of the shadows she blended with so well, Celty held out her PDA.  **_[I know that. I understand it’s my fault. That’s why I’m here.]_ **

“Glad to see you taking responsibility Celty-san,” Namie huffed, forcing herself to stand tall against the scrutiny of the dullahan. She’d never had the best relationship with the headless woman, but in this case, she’d had no choice. This was, after all, where it had started.  _ Ground zero. _

**_[He won’t talk to Shinra.]_ ** Namie could tell at once that this was making Celty upset so like the good secretary of an informant that she was, she prodded.

“And?”

**_[And Shinra hasn’t eaten anything since yesterday morning. All he’s been doing is working himself to the bone. He just wants to make sure Izaya’s okay.]_ ** Celty wrung her hands, and if she’d had a head, Namie doubted she’d have been able to maintain eye contact.  _ Only worried for the doctor’s sake, or because you actually feel bad about screwing with Izaya? _

Unable to feel much sympathy for either Shinra or Celty given the circumstances, Namie stood a little straighter. “You let me worry about Izaya. I called you here for a reason after all.” The words seemed to snap Celty back on track, allowing them to finally leave the previous conversation behind.

**_[You want to know more about what I did to Izaya.]_ ** Celty typed, her shoulders squared. It was clear she was prepared for this and Namie was a bit worried about what that might mean.  _ How bad, how bad is it? _

“Yes, I would.” Uncrossing her arms, Namie’s fingers twitched towards her phone but she forced herself to remain still. “I already know a fair amount about soulmates so spare me the speeches. I just want to know what  _ exactly _ you did to Izaya.”

**_[It’s complicated,]_ ** was Celty’s immediate response, hardly before Namie had gotten the words out.  **_[Shinra knows more than me, obviously, but I can tell you how I did it.]_ **

_ Well it’s better than nothing and probably a whole lot more than Izaya expects me to get. _ “Fair enough,” Namie spread her arms in a gesture of magnanimity. “How did you do it?”

Celty spent a moment ordering her words.  **_[It’s all about fate, or at least, that’s what Shinra says. Everyone’s fates are sort of woven together in a tangle of lives and I can affect this mess in some small ways at will.]_ ** Shifting, Celty asked,  **_[Am I sounding crazy yet.]_ **

“Considering I work for Izaya,” Namie riposted in a rare show of solidarity. “Not in the slightest.” Taking notes in her head, the secretary said, “So you’re able to affect fate in small ways and one of those just happens to be soulmates? What, did you just sort of flip a switch in Izaya’s brain?”

**_[In a way, yes, but it’s harder than that.]_ ** Gesturing a little haphazardly, Celty continued,  **_[When it comes to soulmates, those who have them are always connected to that person so in theory, you just affect that one connection. But because fate is already such a jumble, trying to affect one person is like reaching into a bowl of ramen and only moving one particular strand that looks like every other strand in the bowl.]_ **

“But then how did you manage to affect Izaya so powerfully?” Namie asked, unsure how this was supposed to line up. “Shouldn’t the effects be weaker if you can’t be sure what you’re doing?”

**_[Not as such,]_ ** Celty admitted.  **_[Because I was touching Izaya, I was able to find his fate, but I’ve never done this before so I kind of just tugged at all the strings connected to him and hoped for the best. I couldn’t tell which, if any, had to do with his soulmate so…]_ ** She shrugged.

“What you’re telling me is you have no idea what you did to him or how much you’ve affected his fate.” Namie felt the overwhelming desire to facepalm. Weren’t otherworldly beings supposed to be better than this? She would have continued down this train of thought if another idea hadn’t hit her suddenly. Mind reeling, her eyes widened. “Is there any chance that you might have affected other people’s fates as well?” Namie demanded.

**_[If they were connected to Izaya, then probably.]_ ** Helplessly, Celty’s shoulders rose and fell in the semblance of a heavy sigh.  **_[Why, has something happened?]_ **

“Nothing except the world going crazy,” groaned Namie. “A whole lot of people are suddenly discovering they have soulmates and I have a feeling your messing with Izaya’s fate is what triggered it.” It made sense and it was currently the best theory she had.

Celty’s posture deflated.  **_[I had no idea. I honestly never meant to.]_ **

“I know,” Namie said, hesitating for a moment before putting a hand on the dullahan’s shoulder. “But next time you want to screw with someone’s fate, think a bit before you do.” With those words she turned back towards the exit of the parking garage. “Thank you for your help Celty-san. You’ll find the money has already been transferred.”

Namie, for one, had her work cut out for her.

~•~

Shizuo was honestly starting to wonder if he ever made good choices.

Currently, he was standing outside of Russian Sushi, holding onto a string of fate that he could hardly see, hoping that he wasn’t screwing this up.  _ I followed it, I did everything I could, if this isn’t right, I don’t know what is. _ Of course, he’d been expecting something different. Why, after all, would an emotionally compromised Izaya be inside of a sushi restaurant only an hour after they’d fought?

How had he gotten here in the first place? Well, that was a bit of a complicated story.

After he’d gotten to his feet and stopped his shoulder from bleeding, Shizuo had been a wreck. Mentally and emotionally. He’d just seen Izaya break apart at the seams in front of him, who  _ wouldn’t _ be a little shaken up after something like that? Obviously he’d been doing better than Izaya but not by much.

He’d hurt Izaya, badly if he was any judge. He’d almost killed the man.

And Izaya had therefore tried to kill him. Shizuo, at that point, hadn’t even disagreed with him. He deserved it. But in the end he hadn’t been killed so he’d been left to figure out what he should do next.

Both Tom and Vorona had told him he should go home in their various ways but Shizuo had ignored them both. He’d been to focused on the pile of thread on the ground that Izaya had left in his wake. Now that he knew what he was looking for, Shizuo had managed to identify the place where it met his own skin.

Fate had felt far too fragile for something so unbreakable.

Shizuo had given it a few good minutes of his time, trying to break the red thread that seemed to pass through most things except for him. It had stretched like an overused rubber band, but ultimately even his strength couldn’t break it. Hardly surprising but he’d had to try.

His next thoughts had been about Izaya, and what he could do to mend the otherwise irredeemable situation between them.

_ I have to talk to him, _ he’d told Tom, voice thick with worry.  _ I have to make this right. _

_ I don’t think you can, _ Tom had warned, putting a hand on his shoulder. Shizuo had known he was right, but that didn’t mean he was going to listen to him.  _ He needs time to cool off. _

Shizuo had shrugged Tom away with more force than intended.  _ So he can hurt himself? He’s not okay Tom-san, I have to do something! He’s- he’s… _

_ Soulmate, _ Vorona had supplied, nodding like she understood.

And then he’d gone, following Izaya as best as he could. The string wasn’t a difficult trail, though Shizuo had been careful not to pull it too hard. He hadn’t realized until today just how large the disparity between his physical strength and Izaya’s really was. Not until he found out that he’d almost pulled Izaya out of a building and to his death.

_ What if that happens again? _ He’d wondered, even as he slowly looped the thread around his forearm, only straying from his path to get out of the way of buildings. It had been slow, hopelessly so. He’d only started collecting the string he already had after he’d dropped his lead one too many times. But he’d persevered. Izaya was worth it.

Somehow, he’d expected the string to lead back to Shinjuku or possibly to another apartment in Ikebukuro. He’d never expected to end up here.

Russian Sushi had never felt so intimidating.

Taking a deep breath, Shizuo shoved his hands into his pockets and pushed through the doors.

“Shizu-o!” Simon announced from behind the counter, a wide smile splitting his face. “Back again so soon. You eat sushi today? Destroy establishment less, yes?” Shizuo was only half listening to the Russian, instead, he was searching the ruddy room for a familiar glow.

As if sensing what he was there for, Simon stepped towards Shizuo, a frown growing on his face. “Let us have no fights. Ignore other people. Eat!”

“Simon, get out of my way,” Shizuo growled, though his heart wasn’t in it. He only had one thought on his mind and that was Izaya. Looking down at the arm that had the red string on it, Shizuo followed it with his eyes towards its source, the back rooms. “I’m not going to fucking hurt him. Just leave me alone.”

“Violence no good Shizuo,” Simon insisted, continuing to block him. “Izaya not enemy. Izaya only fellow customer here.  _ No  more   fighting.” _ He put enough emphasis on those last words to stop a train.

“Simon, fucking stop.” Mustering some irritation, Shizuo physically pushed the Russian man out of the way long enough to get past him and make it towards the doors. What he found was a bright ball of fire trying to make his escape. Izaya was already halfway to the back door before Shizuo even saw him.

Taking one look at the man, Shizuo felt a knot of regret and guilt run through him as the coincidentally shortened lead went taught and Izaya was pulled off his feet, unceremoniously dumping him to the ground.  _ Even when I just want to talk I hurt him. _

Slowly walking towards the man, not wanting to scare him further, Shizuo thickly murmured, “Izaya, please, I just want to talk.” The Raven was already struggling to his feet, panic filling the air faster than Shizuo would have thought possible.  _ God, I just ruin everything. Am I that terrifying. Do I scare him that much? _

“L-let me go!” Izaya’s order was tremulous and desperate but Shizuo couldn’t comply, not when all he wanted to do was talk. How would they ever solve anything if all Izaya did was run?

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Shizuo insisted, voice breaking at the edges. It hurt him to see Izaya like this, he couldn’t even _ begin _ to explain how much it tore at him. Hell, he didn’t even know  _ why _ it hurt, only that it did.  _ Just go back to being normal, stop acting like this. _ Drawing closer he begged, “Can’t we just-”

“NO!” Izaya snapped, suddenly drawing a knife and pointing it at Shizuo with a shaking hand. “I  _ won’t  _ talk to you, just leave me alone Shizu-chan, go away!” Now that he could see the man’s face, Shizuo could see the mess he still was, the scrapes and bruises left untreated, the dead look deep in those fiery crimson eyes.  _ What have I done to you Izaya? _

Taking a deep breath, Shizuo did something potentially stupid. He sat down in the middle of the hallway, right on the floor of Russian Sushi, between the entrance he’d just walked through and the side door to the kitchens. Crossing his arms, making sure the coiled string of fate was visible, Shizuo said, “I’m not moving until you talk to me.”

Staring at Shizuo with an intense look of objurgation, Izaya seemed to draw some of the raw pain and fear back into himself before curling up against the base of the back door. “I have nothing to say to you Shizu-chan. Leave me alone.”

“Well that’s tough because I’ve got some shit to say to you,” Shizuo informed him, wanting to just pull Izaya closer and do  _ something  _ to make this better. But how could he when his presence only seemed to make Izaya worse. “And I’m not letting you go until I’ve said it.”

Huddling up, putting his arms around his knees and hiding his face behind them and under his hood, Izaya mumbled, “Like I can stop you.”

Shizuo’s heart broke.

He’d seen tears, he’d seen fear. He’d felt Izaya shake uncontrollably as he yelled at Shizuo for almost killing him. This was different, this was utter and complete defeat. This was Izaya as good as saying that he couldn’t stop Shizuo at all. This was complete resignation to the worst. He’d given up, he didn’t even care anymore.

_ This is my fault. _

“Fuck, Izaya, do you think I want to see you like this?” Shizuo demanded helplessly, struggling to contain the pain blossoming in his own chest. “Do you think I want to hurt you or kill you?”

“You always have before,” was Izaya’s only response, dead in its delivery, hopeless in its tone. Shizuo couldn’t tell if Izaya was shaking but he had a horrible feeling that it was worse than that. This was nothing, there was no part of Izaya that could even fight this anymore.  _ Yet still he glows with an unholy light, like the sun never could compare. _

“Damnit I don’t want to anymore!” Shizuo snapped, tugging at his own hair. His distress provoked little to no response from Izaya, who only curled up further. All the blond wanted to do was close the distance and- And make this better! Or do  _ something. _ Anything but this. Anything but watch Izaya crumble. “I- You were always so strong, I just couldn’t feel bad about fighting you before.”

“So now you think I’m weak.” Izaya snorted. How one could do this emotionlessly was a mystery to Shizuo but Izaya managed it just fine. “I already know that Shizu-chan. Reminding me gets us nowhere. You can leave now.”

“You’re not fucking weak!” Shizuo snapped, hating how the man before him could misconstrue his words so entirely. “You’re only-” He struggled to find something that didn’t sound derogatory. Unfortunately he didn’t have Izaya’s skill with words, didn’t know how to string syllables together in such a way that  permanently sounded like perpetual poetry. All he had was far too much emotion for the situation before him. “You just got dealt a shitty hand.”

Red eyes gleamed in the dim light of the hallway, peering out from over the tops of knees clad in black jeans. Shizuo pretended like he didn’t remember the ragged holes in the last pair of pants he’d seen Izaya in, run through because of the blond’s careless actions. “Some hand, ne Shizu-chan? Karma is a  _ cruel _ mistress.” There was a wall behind those shining eyes, Izaya’s shields that hid him from the rest of the world. Impenetrable, unbreakable even when his emotions were leaking out his very pores.

Except Shizuo could see through them, see right through to the deep pain and humiliation. The desperation and the destroyed fragments of hope that made up the man’s fragile form.  _ Three days is all it took, _ Shizuo realized with horrible clarity.  _ Three days to reduce the demon of Ikebukuro to a frightened mess. _

_ And it’s all my fault. _

But instead of saying that, Shizuo just ground out, “Do you think I want to be your soulmate? Do you think I want this?” His anger was irrational, hardly substantial. All he wanted was for Izaya to get up and challenge him instead of shrink away from him. “Fuck your idea of karma, I never did  _ anything _ worthy of a life spent literally tied to you!”

“You’ve tried to kill me for most of our lives.” Izaya murmured, voice surprisingly free of judgement. “You’ve hurt people since you were young. You’ve accrued millions in damages to this city that you’re lucky they forgive.” He shifted again, this time propping his chin on his arms. “This morning, you almost killed me for real.”

Somehow, his impartiality made a strange sort of sense. Hadn’t Izaya spent years praising Shizuo for acting like a monster. However mocking that approval might have felt, Shizuo was inclined to believe that at least some of it had been real. At least for as long as Izaya had been able to keep up with him, at least until this mess had started.

Now laud had shifted to indifference. 

Like Shizuo had every right to pass judgment on Izaya.

“I’m sorry.” Shizuo tried to pour every bit of those ugly and self-defeating emotions into that single statement. All of his guilt and self-loathing condensed into this small piece of penance, offered to Izaya like a heart on a silver platter. “I wasn’t thinking, I didn’t know. It all happened so fast and I- I-” He knew it had to be said for them to progress.  _ Say it, just tell him. _ “Honestly,” he paused, unsure if he could say it at all. It sounded so pathetic in light of what had happened, Shizuo felt disgusting for it.

But he said it anyway. Because Izaya deserved that much.  _ He deserves a whole lot more than this but this is what I can give him. _

“Some piece of shit said he was going to hurt the people I cared about.” It sounded laughably noble, so fake.

But Izaya’s arms came unfurled from around his knees and instead rested on the floor beneath him where he could lean on them. “Ah, of course.” A small, rueful look. “You and your sibling loyalty.” In a sing-song voice, Izaya trilled, “Yuuhei Hanejima can handle himself, Shizu-chan. You don’t need to throw yourself at every common street thug who speaks bad of him.”

“It had nothing to do with Kasuka,” Shizuo told him, at last garnering a flicker of surprise from Izaya, who’s eyes widened. There was disbelief in those eyes, but also something else, something that was ignominiously hopeful. “I never even thought of him.”

A deep breath, like he was revealing some dark and terrible secret.

“I was thinking about you.”

Something in Izaya shifted, just a subtle switch. Hardly noticable, his expression didn’t even change, but Shizuo saw the effect his words had nonetheless. It was like his admission had given the Raven purchase within his own mind, something to grasp and hold onto where he’d had nothing before. Something about that look prompted Shizuo to continue so he did, not really caring anymore how stupid the words coming out of his own mouth were.

_ Only for Izaya… _

“He said it and all I could think about was someone hurting you,  _ killing _ you. You’re not weak at all but after all this shit, I just- I couldn’t stand the thought of someone managing to get to you. I… I just lost it.” Running a hand though the hair on the back of his head, Shizuo dared to look at Izaya again, wanting to see how his words had affected the man.

Izaya’s protective shield of his legs lowered as the Raven relaxed imperceptibly. “It doesn’t change the fact that currently the window of my apartment is cracked because you almost pulled me through it.” Again with the indifference, but now Shizuo heard the hurt behind the words and forced himself to deal with that blame.

“Yeah, I know. I’ve never been good with this shit.” Shrugging, Shizuo held up his arm between them, the red string clearly on display. “I don’t know the first thing about soulmates, I only know what Shinra told me and that isn’t a lot. All I have is what I can see and all I see is that these symptoms just keep showing up. Fuck if I know why. They just do and all they do is complicate things.”

“Honestly, I don’t know either,” Izaya admitted bitterly. “I’ve done research and my secretary is currently out talking to people who are purported experts. We’ve done everything, and yet we have nothing. All I can say for sure is that this isn’t normal.”

“Yeah well what did you expect,” Shizuo muttered, managing half a grin that felt so much better than the lines of worry that had been seemingly etched into his face. “When Shinra starts messing around with his weird shit, you know something’s going to end badly.”

Finally, Izaya managed a laugh. “Ne, but wasn’t it Celty who did the deed? Reached in and screwed around with our fate in the first place?”

“Do you honestly blame her?” Shizuo asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

“Not really,” Izaya admitted, gaze dropping to his lap and to the red string that was just visible against his glowing red skin. “She adores Shinra. He asks her to do something small like this and she just does it without question.  _ Love, _ it’s almost unhealthy.”

“It’s sweet,” Shizuo countered.

“It’s dangerous.” Izaya’s expression was like the smack of a judge's gavel, ending any further debate. He wouldn’t meet Shizuo’s eyes, almost like he were ashamed. “And it’s temporary. Yet people will do anything for it, which in turn makes it unhealthy.”

Shizuo had to wonder how much truth Izaya’s words held.  _ Maybe, _ he thought to himself as his gaze raked over Izaya’s somber face and unkempt charcoal hair.  _ The demon of a god who never loved a soul understands it better than anyone else ever could. _

“Well if it makes you feel any better,” Shizuo muttered, a chagrined tilt to his head. “I destroyed Shinra’s apartment to make up for the shit he pulled.”

Izaya’s glimmered with the memory of devilish glee. “Tell me you finally got rid of that god awful coffee table. My shins have been turned almost every shade of the rainbow thanks to that damned thing.”

“Oh it’s gone,” Shizuo assured him, sharing in Izaya’s ruthless enjoyment of Shinra’s just deserts. “Along with the sofa, which I threw through a wall. And the armchair, which I threw through another wall.”

“How very monstrous of you Shizu-chan,” Izaya murmured, lazily smirking at him as if the past had never happened and they were just two friends sharing a laugh over something amusing. “What a pity, I rather enjoyed that armchair. I’d buy one but it just wouldn’t go with my color scheme back home.”

“You’re unbelievable,” Shizuo informed the man, finally able to see that delightful asshole that he’d so missed emerging from under all the pain still held by those eyes.  _ Maybe I can’t heal him, but if I can keep that look of fear from his eyes, it’ll be worth it. _

“And you like it, don’t even pretend you don’t.” 

Both of them spent a moment just laughing, delighting in the presence of the other, allowing themselves to draw some measure of comfort from the misfortune of a third party. It lasted longer than Shizuo had expected it to, but in the end, the mirth died and Izaya was left staring awkwardly at the string of fate coiled around Shizuo's arm. 

“We need to talk about this, don’t we?” Izaya murmured, face returning to that nervous expression. Though he’d known it was inevitable, Shizuo hated it. Wanted to bring back the moment of bright laughter they’d shared. But he knew it was foolish to cling to that fake peace when there was such a big thing standing between them.

“Yeah, that’s why I came after you.” Gently, Shizuo shimmied the thread off of his arm, trying as best as he could to keep it in a neat coil though the string didn’t seem in any danger of tangling. “I can’t have the thought that my next step might kill you hanging over my head and I won’t make you deal with that. I don’t want to hurt you again.”

“That would be preferable,” Izaya agreed, picking at the string around his ankle. Shizuo wished it was clearer, but it all blended. Almost gave the impression that there was nothing holding Izaya still, that he was just sitting there because he wanted to. “At least you know now. You won’t be so quick to pull against it.”

“No, but I’d rather there was something more.” Shizuo gave Izaya a sober look. “I’ll always be stronger than you, if I forget, I could drag you off of another building.”

“I’ll be staying in Ikebukuro,” Izaya said, a regretful glimmer in his eyes. “Until… Until we figure this out, I’ll be staying in a small apartment nearby. You should be able to go most places in this district without violating our limited distance.”

“Good.” Impulsively, Shizuo tossed the excess string towards Izaya who caught it easily. Though he knew he was handing the man his freedom, Shizuo felt it was the right thing to do. He was tired of hurting the Raven, this was a small step, but he had to take the first step sometime or other. “Just in case, I’ll keep some extra thread wrapped around my arm, on the off chance you or I need to get across a room or something. Just as an added precaution.”

Without looking up from the thread, Izaya slowly nodded. “Fair enough. I, in turn, won’t go very far. It’s not like I can do much anyway.” There was another defeated sigh, then Izaya finally rose to his feet.

Licking his lips, the Informat fixed his gaze on a point above Shizuo’s head. “I’m leaving now. We’ve talked it out and I see no point in continuing this conversation.” When he lowered his eyes to Shizuo’s, there was an intense bitterness in the carmine fire the blond saw there. “I… I don’t want you looking for me Shizu-chan.”

Unable to understand the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that he’d known was inevitable, Shizuo softly asked, “Why?”  _ Yeah, drag it out why don’t you. You fucking saw this shit coming. _

“Because I can’t handle you.” Izaya’s blunt honesty hurt more than a lie would have, yet Shizuo couldn’t explain why it clawed at him so violently. “You’re dangerous and in light of these recent problems, I just can’t be around you. Once we solve this, maybe, but until then, please stay away from me.”

“And if we never solve it,” Shizuo asked, hating how Izaya’s eyes hardened in their firm resolve.

“Then while this might be an inelegant farewell, I suppose it will have to do.” With a wave that held little of his old jaunt, Izaya pushed open the back door and vanished into the alley, taking the sun with him.

For a second, Shizuo just sat there, unmoving.

Then, for possibly the millionth time that day, he softly muttered, “Fuck.”

Because somehow, this hurt more than everything else combined.

~•~

Izaya hadn’t expected it to hurt this much, walking away from Shizuo. He’d expected the break to be clean, he’d expected to feel relief. He’d never anticipated pain.

He’d never thought Shizuo meant a thing to him at all.

But as he walked away from Russian Sushi, letting the string of fate trail out behind him like some twisted metaphor, Izaya realized that he cared very much about what had just happened and that made him uncomfortable. Shizuo was just a beast, he was nothing but a monster. And yet Izaya couldn’t help but wish he’d said something different to the man.

_ I just couldn’t stand the thought of someone getting to you. _

Damn the man for being so brutally honest, damn him for not having those comfortable pretenses and airs Izaya knew how to handle. Now, he was being forced to accept that Shizuo cared about him quite a bit and that he’d just walked away regardless.

It wasn’t a thought he wanted to deal with.

Drawing in a sharp breath, Izaya tried to remember what his original purpose for leaving had been.  _ Get away from Shizuo. _

_ Then talk to Shinra. _

He’d been meaning to. Honestly, he’d been avoiding it out of principle. But after talking with Shizuo, Izaya realized that he had to. If he could come to an agreement with Shizuo, the single most unreasonable being in the universe, he had to at least try and talk to Shinra. It was only fair

Besides, if he was being frank, Izaya knew that the man probably had all kinds of valuable insight into this problem. Stuff neither Namie nor him would be able to find in a book. A conversation would do him good. Not just for the sake of his health, but for the sake of his conscious. Because he had no doubt that Shinra was worried about him, it was just in his nature to be. Sure he’d perform all manner of experiments on anyone who crossed his path, but after it was over, he usually apologized. Especially if something had gone wrong.

A little late, but Izaya was willing to take it.

If it meant he could ignore Shizuo for a little longer, Izaya was ready to do anything. 

_ Anything to let me ignore the clawing in my stomach that couldn’t possibly be guilt because it’s Shizu-chan and he almost killed me in the first place. _

Shinra didn’t answer the first knock at the door, or the second for that matter. Irritated, Izaya pulled a paper clip out of his pocket and neatly picked the lock before shouldering the door open. The hinges creaked horribly, giving lie to the fact that Shizuo had been there recently. Only Shizuo could turn opening a simple door into a production.

_ Stop, you’re acting obsessed. _

Except his thoughts were behaving as they’d always had which forced him to wonder if perhaps he’d  _ always _ been obsessed.

There weren’t any lights on inside, almost like they’d been forgotten. Izaya heard the sounds of flapping and could just make out what looked like a tarp, stretched over a gaping hole in the wall.  _ Heh, the beast wasn’t kidding. How kind of him, exacting my revenge for me in a much more bombastic fashion than I ever could. _

The thought just lowered Izaya deeper into the pit of despondency he’d somehow become mired in.

Then there was a voice from somewhere in the apartment and Izaya started. “Shizuo-kun! Right on time. And here I was thinking you’d abandoned me just like my darling Celty. Hehe, just kidding. Is everything oka-” The doctor’s voice died in his throat as Izaya stepped into the main room tentatively and stared at the man impassively.

“Izaya,” Shinra murmured, almost as if he couldn’t believe his eyes. The man was a mess, disheveled and manic. Working by the light of the hole in his other wall and his computer screen, Sinra had books and loose papers scattered everywhere. It was mildly pathetic, which only made Izaya feel worse.

“Shinra,” Izaya answered, a bland look on his face.

Suddenly the man lunged up and caught Izaya in a bone-crushing hug that startled the Raven into squawking indignantly. “Oh my god, I thought you were dead!” Shinra exclaimed, voice awash with relief. “I thought I’d killed you with my experiments or that you hated me and were never going to talk to me ever again because I’d just cursed you to a life spent as soulmates with his enemy~ Izaya, I’ve missed you!”

Awkwardly, Izaya patted Shinra on the back of his lab coat. “That’s nice,” he muttered lamely, faintly confused. “I don’t hate you,” he tried, hoping to get the man to calm down.

His confusion became worse when the doctor’s only response was to burst into tears. “I’m so sorry!!~” Shinra wailed pathetically, his crying quickly dampening Izaya’s shoulder. “This is all my fault~”

_ I should have contacted him sooner. _ Feeling guilty, Izaya carefully pried Shinra off of him and set the tearful doctor down on a stack of books that looked at least mildly sturdy. Finally free of his friend, Izaya pulled over the one chair in the room that seemed intact. Picking the book that was on it off,  _ The Trouble with Soulmates _ the title read, Izaya sat down and faced Shinra.

“Sorry for avoiding you,” Izaya said, calmly meeting Shinra’s eyes. He tried not to think about the weak yellow light of the room and how it contrasted to the ethereal light that he’d watched from the other end of a dark hallway that smelled too much like old fish.  _ I really just left, didn’t I? Permanently. _

“No no,” Shinra assured him, mopping unsuccessfully at his face. “I should have known you’d be upset. I never should have done it to you. It was stupid. I’m sorry.” Izaya wanted to roll his eyes as a dopy smile spread across Shinra’s face. “But you’re alive! I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“Okay is a stretch,” Izaya told him, swinging his leg and watching as the glimmering red string shifted with him. “But yes, I’m not dead yet.”

“Yes yes, and that’s the important th- Izaya! You’re bleeding!” Shinra’s startled yelp was accompanied by a frantic flurry of movement as the doctor ran about his discombobulated apartment, gathering up dressings and bandages. With a huff he dumped them on top of a stack of papers before shoving Izaya’s coat out of the way so he could get a better look at his arms. “What happened to you?”

Izaya opened his mouth with purpose, was about to say  _ Shizu-chan of course _ but he found the words getting stuck in the back of his throat.  _ It was an accident, ne? _ But that didn’t matter did it? Shizuo, simply put, was the cause of his injuries.  _ Shinra will just blame him. I’m only making things worse. _

_ Like things can get any worse after what I did. Walking out on him like that as if that would solve a damn thing. I’m so stupid. _

“Izaya,” Shinra said tentatively, pausing in his careful cleaning of Izaya’s road burns. “You- You’re…” Biting his lip, the doctor grabbed for a clean piece of cotton bandage and blotted at Izaya’s face. It was only then that Izaya realized that for what felt like the millionth time that day, he was crying.

Helpless, Shinra just gave Izaya a heartbroken look and murmured, “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-”

“No, it’s fine. I’m fine.” Izaya just closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He shouldn’t be upset over this, distancing himself from Shizuo was for the best, there wasn’t another option. At least not one he was willing to take.  _ I don’t need Shizu-chan’s help, not when his help comes with such a pitying expression. _

Shinra just returned to swabbing at Izaya’s injuries, his expression somber. “Shizuo-kun’s been keeping me mostly up to date on what’s been going on. I didn’t know you’d manifest more than one symptom. There isn’t much about people showing two at the same time.”

“Four,” Izaya corrected bluntly. “It’s up to four now.”

Looking up from his examination of Izaya’s palm, Shinra’s eyes widened. “Oh god. Izaya, I’m-”

“So sorry, yes, we’ve just about covered that.” Izaya didn’t mean to snap at Shinra but it came out rougher than he’d intended. He couldn’t help but feel frustrated with the man for doing something like this with no real idea of how it would turn out. It was just like Shinra but that didn’t change the fact that Izaya was suffering for it.

Dejected, Shinra lathered Izaya’s torn palm with antiseptic before wrapping it securely in gause. “My research seemed pretty sound. I wouldn’t have tried anything if it wasn’t. But then, I suppose I should have insisted Celty practice before trying anything. She’s so wonderful at most everything but this was her first attempt at affecting someone’s fate.”

That loving look in Shinra’s eyes as he spoke of Celty, even if it was to apologize for her mistake, it only made Izaya think of Shizuo and the short conversation they’d had on the subject.  _ Unhealthy. Dangerous. _

_ Sweet. _

_ Feh, what does a beast know of love? _

_ But can a god know any better? _

Shinra’s voice shook Izaya out of his thoughts. “Anything else I should look at?” Izaya thought of his legs and back before shaking his head. He didn’t need this, he’d come to Shirna because the man might be able to answer some of his questions on the matter of soulmates.

“Okay.” Shinra looked like he didn’t believe Izaya, but that was fine. Who really believed a word that came out of his mouth anyway? “So, are you going to tell me about the symptoms you’ve been experiencing? Shizuo-kun did his best but his input was…” He pulled a face. “Less than helpful.”

“I can imagine,” he murmured. Noting the clipboard that had somehow found its way into Shinra’s hands, Izaya impassively stared straight ahead and started recounting exactly what he’d told Namie the day before.

“I woke up two days ago now experiencing acute color blindness,” Izaya stated, focusing on the patch of bright golden light that was attempting to creep in through the tight alley and into Shinra’s apartment through the hole in the wall. “Everything was in various shades of yellow and gold.” A breath. “Shizuo’s eye color.”

Shinra noticed the missing lilt of the affectionate nickname and gripped his pencil a little tighter. “I assume you went online and looked it up?” When Izaya nodded, Shinra gave a little laugh. “Well you’ll never guess what I found out. It turns out that most people who experience the color blindness see the world in black and white except for objects that are the color of their soulmate’s eyes. Most of what you hear is about the more extreme and rare cases where  _ everything _ is the color of the eyes.”

Izaya felt his spirit sink a little lower. Not like he hadn’t expected to find out that what was happening to him was absolutely terrible, he just didn’t like it coming out of Shinra’s mouth. Meanwhile the doctor was patting a vaguely familiar book with a hand. “Some of the older books are more incomplete but that’s just how it is. It’s considered a newer discovery so not many people know about it.” He gave a slight smile at that.

“And how is this a good thing?” Izaya questioned bitterly, expression souring.

“It’s not,” Shirna assured Izaya, but it’s information, right?” With that, Izaya couldn’t disagree.

So instead he just kept talking. “The next day when I was showering, I noticed that I had Shizuo’s name written on my skin.”

“Where?”

_ Then where is it, I-za-ya? _

“On my thigh.” Noting the sharp intake of breath, Izaya muttered, “Why is that such a big deal? You’re the second one to get worked up over it.” And Namie’s explanation hadn’t made much sense anyway so what was the harm in asking?

Shirna grabbed for another book and opened up to a confusing diagram. “Fate is connected to your soul which means your soul can affect it therefore soulmates and the symptoms are related to it. Lots and lots of unnecessarily long words, flowery language, you get the idea.” Tapping the book, Shirna said, “As I’ve mentioned before, a name can literally appear anywhere but they tend to be on the wrist or ankle.”

“Yes, you might have said something about that before.” Biting his lip, Izaya waited for the inevitable fount of bad news to spill from Shinra’s mouth. “Why is the thigh bad?”

“Not bad just… telling.” With an awkward expression crossing his face, Shinra chuckled. “Depending on how powerful the connection to the soulmate is, the name tends to be closer to, ah, well you see…” Clearing his throat, Shinra thought for a moment then brightened. “Closer to the hips because only sexual intercorse gets rid of the name. It’s fascinating, really it is.”

Izaya was pretty sure the colors he was turning were fairly fascinating as well. “That’s wonderful Shinra.” All he could think of was the sprawling text on his thigh, telling the world exactly  _ who _ Izaya belonged to. “Just peachy in fact.”

“No, it actually isn’t.” Shinra tilted his head to the side. “Izaya, are you-”

“It was sarcasm but I fear my wit has been suffering. Shall we move on?” Huffing, Izaya continued, “Later that day I discovered that all of my clocks in the main room of my house as well as the clocks on all my phones and Namie’s laptop had stopped working. All at the same time that Shizuo had shown up that day.”

“All of them?” Shinra was scribbling madly though he looked concerned. “I mean, I’ve seen some things but that’s pretty…” He trailed off but Izaya didn’t need him to finish. Like everything that had to do with this situation, it was probably bad.

Finally shaking himself out of whatever horrified trace he’d been in, Shinra cautiously asked, “And what’s the fourth symptom?”

Izaya sighed and wiggled his left foot, watching as the string moved with him. “A string of fate.”

From under his breath, Shinra muttered something that sounded very much like  _ well fuck. _ “So that’s why you’re all scratched up, isn’t it. It’s got a maximum distance, right?” Abandoning his pencil, Shinra started tearing through a stack of papers, scattering them until he found what he was looking for. “Of course, of  _ course.” _

“What?” Izaya asked, even though he didn’t want to know.

Thankfully, for once Shirna decided not to make things worse by explaining just how bad things really were. “It doesn’t matter. I suppose I should have seen this coming.” Taking a deep breath, the doctor crossed his arms and squared his shoulders. “Okay, now that  _ I _ know where you are, we can now talk about why it’s happening. What do you want to know?”

“Can it be fixed?” Izaya couldn’t help himself. He had to ask, it was all he could think of.  _ If I don’t get it fixed, then I won’t be able to be around Shizu-chan.  _ He knew the limitation was self-imposed but he also knew it was for the best.  _ Ignore the pain, focus on Shinra. _

Looking down at the ground, the doctor softly admitted, “No.”

Izaya wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. He wanted to get up and actually follow through on his plot to poison Shinra. But he didn’t. All he did was look up at the hole in Shinra’s wall and mutter. “I figured as much.” He wanted to feel sorry for himself. Just a little bit of self-pity or  _ something. _

But all he could do was think of Shizuo and the look of heartbreak he’d seen there as he’d said goodbye and let the door close behind him.

As if sensing Izaya’s pain, Shinra waved his arms in a panic. “No! Wait, Izaya, I- I said there’s no solution as in I can’t make you two  _ not _ soulmates. That doesn’t mean there aren’t potential ways around it!” 

“Which are?” Izaya asked bitterly, already knowing the answer.

“I- I don’t…” Shinra deflated. “I don’t know. I’ve never seen it done. It would take magic but Celty doesn’t have the ability to do something like that. I’ve already checked.”

Lacing his fingers together in his lap, Izaya nodded, quiet.  _ It hurts, I don’t want to have to deal with this. I just want things to go back to normal for Shizu-chan and I. Why did I say that? Why did I leave? _ Because it was for the best, and whatever else might have been true about the Raven, he wasn’t an idiot.

“Am I going to continue manifesting new symptoms?” Izaya asked at last, trying unsuccessfully to distract himself.

“I don’t know.” Shinra admitted. “If this pattern continues, probably.”

“Are they just going to get worse?”

“I’d imagine.”

“What happens if one of us dies?”

Shinra choked and reached for Izaya like he wanted to comfort him. Izaya leaned away, expression unchanged. It wasn’t, after all, an unreasonable question. Namie had seemed worried about the possibility of him killing Shizuo, it logically followed that there was something there to be worried about. He had to know.

Finally realizing what he was doing, Shinra forced himself to sit back down before softly saying, “I don’t know.”

Izaya nodded. “I figured as much. It’s not like most people who find out they have a soulmate do everything in their power to fight against it.” No solution, no way out. The symptoms were going to keep getting worse and he was only going to get more of them. It felt like the worst possible scenario.

Probably, it was.

“Do you want to know anything else?” Shinra asked, his lower lip trembling as if he were about to cry again.  _ Why even bother? There’s nothing that we can do. _

All he really wanted was to see-

“No, that’s fine.” Getting up off his chair, Izaya tilted his chin up in some semblance of the proud informat he once was and said, “Thank you for this Shinra.” Taking another look at the disaster that Shinra’s apartment had become, Izaya added, “You’ve done all you can, so stop obsessing. Get some sleep. Eat something. You look awful.”

“Izaya, I-”

“Goodbye Shinra,” Izaya said with finality before walking out of the room.

It was almost funny, Izaya couldn’t help but think as the door of Shinra’s apartment swung closed. For someone who knew that isolation was one of the first steps towards giving up, he seemed to be saying goodbye an awful lot. 

But then without hope, why not give up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... *shuffles awkwardly* um... Like, I don't think I can write happy stuff in this story. It's a damn shame is what it is.
> 
> I'm excited for the next chapter, but it will have to wait until I've written a chapter of The Users and The Used. Because that story deserves some love as well.
> 
> Because I quite like how crazy this whole Collared!Shizuo vs Collared!Izaya debate has become, I've got another question for y'all for another vote if you so desire to have one. 
> 
> Which symptom do you think is going to show up next? 
> 
> But no pressure, no pressure. XD I'm being such an attention whore, stirring everyone up like this. ;)  
> Except with such an intense issue, we must not let anyone's opinions be discounted!
> 
> Laters~


	8. The Dos and Don'ts of Dying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Izaya is still not funny and communication is revealed to be the first step towards healthy relationships

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCK IT!
> 
> Fuck editing, fuck clarity, fuck everything. Here you go, I don't care. This story is becoming just a mess. I'm considering closing down the vote but meh, it's still up. Take your pic for who gets the collar. It's currently 72:67.5 Knock yourselves out. I'm tired, cut me some slack darlings...
> 
> Enjoy~

 

Part of Izaya was completely aware of why he gave Namie a set of his keys. It was, after all, the practical thing to do when you were a highly sought-after informant. In the good way and in the bad way. It meant that if he was seriously injured or otherwise detained, Namie could be a last line of defense or, in fact, carry out duties that Izaya couldn’t. In practice, it was the wise thing to do.

That being said, Izaya started to seriously regret this decision when  _ someone _ threw open his curtains before literally throwing a large suitcase at him. Izaya had about zero point three seconds to wake up fully and roll out of bed to avoid his face being squashed by flying luggage. His head thanked him for it, the rest of his aching limbs, however, did not.

Izaya groaned and stared at the ceiling, squinting against the glare of the golden light streaming through his windows. Beside his head, a computer bag was carefully placed on the ground.

“Namie-san,” Izaya groaned, focusing on the typically unimpressed face of his secretary. “So good of you to, ah,  _ drop by. _ I’m grateful, really.” His back let out a spasm of pain and he grit his teeth in a smile to hide the flash of agony.

“And don’t you forget it,” Namie huffed, sweeping her slightly mussed hair out of her face. “Get up Izaya, I really don’t have the patience for you laying around all day.” Which were fine words coming from the one who had literally tried to kill him via quickly accelerating carry-on.

“But of course Namie-san,” Izaya purred, peeved at his secretary but still in too much bodily pain to complain. “Just let me recover from almost being beaten to death by airborne baggage.”

“Oh stop whining and get up,” Namie snapped, rolling her eyes before exiting his bedroom. “We’ve got a lot of stuff to do today so I really don’t have time for your melodrama. Throw a pity party later, right now, get dressed.”

Now that his secretary had left the room, Izaya’s eyes grew dark. God, he really didn’t want to have to deal with this mess right now.  _ Just let me sleep, at least then I can pretend my life hasn’t fallen apart. _ Lifting his left leg, Izaya stared at the glimmering thread that trailed from in. His stomach didn’t roll at the sight of it, but that might have been because he was too far gone to really give a damn any more.

“Izaya, I’m serious! Get up!” With a sigh loud enough that Namie would surely hear it, Izaya got to his feet. Everything hurt, but that was inevitable. He  _ had _ been dragged over a block of pavement then almost pulled out of a building after all.

Shizuo’s face flashed before his eyes and he swallowed hard.  _ Don’t think about that right now. Focus. _ So instead of thinking about it, he righted the mistreated valise before unzipping it and checking its contents. Smirking at the meticulously folded clothing, Izaya took a small measure of pleasure from rummaging haphazardly through the bag, admittedly pulling out a pair of skinny jeans and a loose long-sleeved black shirt that looked exactly like the set that had been on the top but who was really counting, ne?

“Did you find anything yesterday?” Izaya called absently as he hurried to get changed. He would have rather just stayed in the clothing he had on because it wasn’t like he was going to be going anywhere, but he was also aware that Namie would probably knock him out, tie him up, and forcibly change him sheerly on principle if he didn’t comply.

Shucking his shorts, Izaya was forced to look at the glowing script that blossomed over his thigh. Slowly sitting down on his bed, Izaya traced it with this thumb, sorely missing the flash of hatred he’d felt before when he looked at it. He should be upset, he should be furious. He had an unremovable tattoo on his thigh that spelled out Shizuo’s name, forever marking him as the beast’s, that would make anyone angry.

But he didn’t, he only felt distantly sad. Lost. Cut off from the world.  _ That’s what I did, ne? Pushed him away. This doesn’t mean anything anymore. I shouldn’t even worry about it. It’s not like I can change it. _ And yet he couldn’t stop brushing over it, wondering if he did it enough, Shizuo might feel his own tattoo heating up.

_ What am I thinking. _

Hastily, Izaya pulled his hand back before yanking his jeans on, determined to forget about it entirely. What else could he do, after all? He wasn’t going to go crawling back to his enemy that was for sure.

As he was pulling his shirt off over his head, Namie chose to finally answer. “Yes actually. I found out a whole lot.”

Tossing the shirt haphazardly over his shoulder, Izaya hummed under his breath and looked around for the long-sleeved shirt he’d managed to misplace. “Fascinating, I’m sure,” he muttered. “You usually do manage to find  _ something _ Namie-san. Even a blind man can find something if he stumbles around long enough.”

“Shut it bastard. I’m trying to say that I may have found a solution.” Izaya froze half-naked and turned towards the open door, a flutter of something kindling in his stomach. He was sure he’d misheard Namie because that was impossible, Shinra had said it himself. There was no solution.

But…

The clouds in his mind parting, Izaya dashed into the other room and skidded to a halt in front of Namie, who was currently on her laptop. “A solution??” He couldn’t contain the excitement that shot through him. With no other emotions in the way to stop it the feeling made him shout with giddy glee. “You mean, something to fix it?!”

Taken aback, Namie looked up at him and scooted backwards in her chair. “Yes, Izaya, that is the general idea…” Then she closed her eyes and grimaced. “For the love of god Izaya, put a shirt on! I’m your secretary, not your wife!”

“Well wouldn’t that be terrifying,” Izaya teased, unable to hold back the elation that was spreading throughout him, flipping back on those switches that had been turned off by the entire situation. “Getting tied down to a nag like you, ne, even Shizu-chan is preferable to that~” His eyes widened and for the first time since it started, the golden coloring didn’t affect him. “If I were stuck to you I’d be dead within a week.”

“Good, I’d get your money and I wouldn’t have to deal with your inability to properly dress yourself ever again,” Namie quipped, pulling a face even with her eyes closed.

“Ha! But you forget Namie-san that I’d give it all to Shizu-chan just to annoy you.” Izaya shot back, a triumphant grin on his face.  _ It’s going to be over, _ he realized.  _ It’ll be over and I’ll be able to go back to normal and Shizu-chan can go back to destroying the city and I can go back to keeping it alive and it’ll all be fine. _

“No wonder why our marriage failed,” Namie snorted, pointing her finger generally in Izaya’s direction. “You were clearly having an affair with Heiwajima and I found out. Now you’re unfaithful and probably dead.”

Izaya covered his mouth in mock offence, deciding to let the jab about him being with Shizuo slide. “Says the woman that wants to make love to her little brother!”

“That was years ago! And at least I’m not into beasiality.”

“Shizu-chan is only a beast for me, Namie-san.” Sticking out his tongue even though she couldn’t see it, Izaya added, “You’re secretly just jealous because you wish your brother was as strong as Shizu-chan.”

“I told you, I’m not into him anymore!” Namie shrieked. “And why are we even having this conversation, go put a shirt on!” Laughing, Izaya did as he was bid, eager to get the information out of Namie. 

It was like a cloud had been lifted, bringing him back to life. This entire situation had been leaving him feeling like he couldn’t do anything, like he was helpless to his own fate, but this,  _ this _ was hope. This was the chance that everything could go back to normal. Izaya  _ needed _ that, needed the monotony and the predictability that came with being on top, pulling the strings.

He wanted to be the mastermind of the interesting, he didn’t want to be subject to it unwillingly.

Straightening his shirt, running fingers through his hair as if what he looked like mattered at the moment, Izaya slid into the chair across from Namie before leaning over the table, a devilish smirk on his face. “Namie-san,” he purred, a soft laugh escaping him. “Don’t leave me hanging like this. I’m simply  _ dying _ to know what you’ve discovered.” And then, because he felt indulgent, he added, “Start from the top, I want to know  _ everything.” _

Rolling her eyes, Namie slid her laptop out of the way so she could give her full attention to Izaya. “There’s a lot, and I’m going to need to do more today, but I’ve got a solid base to work with. But first,” she raised an eyebrow at him. “You sent me a text yesterday that said you talked to Shinra-san. What did he say?”

With a condescending eye roll, Izaya gestured dismissively. “Oh you know, his usual fatalistic drivel, nothing terribly interesting or useful.” Of course, looking back on it, Izaya had to admit that he hadn’t exactly asked many useful questions, but that was irrelevant. “He said there was no solution. Couldn’t answer most of the other questions. Seemed predictably worried.”

“You didn’t ask him anything useful, did you?” Namie sounded duly unimpressed.

“Ne Namie-san, I keep listening but no words pertaining to what you learned are being said.” Izaya made a show of leaning in and cupping a hand around his ear. “It’s almost like I’ve got selective hearing! Hmm, I’m sure I’ll start listening the moment something useful is mentioned.”

“Bastard,” Namie muttered for the second time that day, a noticeable note of fondness in the insult. “Because most of my sources were going a little slow for my tastes, I decided to dig a little closer to the catalyst of this whole fiasco.” Giving him one of her usual deadpans that did very little to cover the smugness behind her eyes, Namie said, “I talked to Celty.”

Izaya’s ears perked up at that and his eyes danced with interest. “Now there’s a thought! Ah, why weren’t we doing that sooner?” With an extravagant expenditure of movement, Izaya rose from his seat and sashed around this kitchen, unable to help the happy sway in his hips. “Go on,” he insisted, hooking his fingers around a coffee mug and focusing on Namie. “Do tell what our favorite headless fairy had to say.”

Unfazed by her employer’s patently ridiculous behavior, Namie tapped the table. “She had quite a lot actually, whether she really knew it or not.” Tilting her head, Namie admitted, “She really doesn’t get how powerful information can be.”

“The price of being a good person,” Izaya sympathized, nodding solemnly before flitting about in his previous exercise of making coffee. “But you digress, tell me what she really  _ said.” _ Even though he would have usually considered this Namie’s job, Izaya pulled out the often unused Bialetti Moka from a shelf and measured water into it expertly. The additional task helped channel some of the energy that filled him.

_ I’m going to get out of this alive. It’s all going to be fine. _

“She talked an awful lot about fate.” The moment the words left Namie’s mouth Izaya’s gears started turning. Because  _ of course! _ As soon as she said it, a whole lot started to make sense. “We’ve been spending all this time focusing on soulmates exclusively when it’s common knowledge that soulmates are part of the larger matter of fate.”

“And therefore,” Izaya hurried to say, dovetailing on Namie’s train of thought. “By broadening the net we cast with, we can find greater amounts of information that will be more practically useful considering what we’re looking for. Namie-san, you have  _ earned _ a raise.” Turning on the stove, Izaya did a twirl and tipped an imaginary hat to his secretary. “You are a genius.”

“Occasionally,” Namie agreed, though she looked proud of herself. Izaya didn’t even feel the urge to burst her bubble. Let her feel proud, it would make for more amicable relations down the line after all. And he needed this information. “Celty said some other interesting things but I’ll get back to that. What’s important is that she explained what fate looks like from her end.”

Splaying her fingers out over the table so the overlapped, Namie lifted her tangled hands. “See, according to her, fate is all jumbled together. I talked to some other people who agreed with that but said that it’s more interwoven. The world is connected by this stuff at a deep level.”

Izaya raised a finger. “Is everything we do dictated by it or only major events?”

Namie answered with a wry grin. “Listen, the people I talked to went on and on about that very thing and I’d tell you but  _ my _ eyes would glaze over, even if yours wouldn’t. The point of the matter is, you are connected through fate to everyone you’ve ever so much as passed in the streets and each of those connections contains your relationship with that person, your past, your present. Some would even go so far is to say your future.”

Again Izaya’s mind sped ahead of his secretary’s. “So to affect someone’s fate, you have to find the specific connections that are singular to them?” He scratched behind his ear as he poured himself and Namie some coffee. “And to affect soulmates, someone like Celty would have to find that particular connection between two people and… activate it?”

“But not, unfortunately, sever it.” Namie gave him a sort of what-can-you-do expression but Izaya’s spirits didn’t flag. She’d said she found a solution. If she wanted to walk him through her failures, Izaya would let her. “Most supernatural beings can only really trigger the symptoms or possibly strengthen the bond. The limits are unclear, but the parameters are constant.”

“So what in particular did Celty do?” Izaya asked as he handed Namie a steaming cup of coffee that she accepted eagerly.

Namie gave him a half-smirk that she  _ had _ to have picked up from him. “She just affected all of the connections tied to you with the intentions of manifesting latent symptoms.” A well mannered sip of her coffee. “And you know what that means, right? In addition to you suddenly showing multiple symptoms in as many days, it means that Shiki’s people are also getting affected because they’re connected to you. Anyone who’s met you could at any time start manifesting symptoms.”

That finally managed to sour Izaya’s good mood. “And will it stop? I meet new people every day, that would be awkward if I became the new cupid.”  _ Just without the little wings and chubby face…  _

“While I find that image amusing,” Namie said, setting down her coffee cup. “I hope not. I’ll have to do more research on it though, that’s the one thing that still has me confused. But that’s besides the point.” Pulling out a piece of paper, Namie scanned over the information on it. “After fully understanding that fate, rather than soulmates, was what I needed to be looking at, I got in contact with some people.”

Izaya felt a renewed buzzing in his blood. “Of course you would. What did you find?”

“More information on dullahans for one,” Namie told him, pulling her laptop back over. “Because they would typically exist on another plane of reality, they are amplifiers.” She slid over several pages of notes, taken in a tight, spiky hand. “So when Celty touches your soul, which is like the epicenter of where your fate connects to other people’s, she can only increase what’s already there. There is no way for her to decrease or dampen what she’s done.”

“But,” Izaya said, reading over the pages Namie had handed him. “You found an alternative.” The notes had quite a bit of information on Dullahans that was interesting, but largely useless for the time being.  _ Shinra would love this. _

“As a matter of fact,” Namie said with a smirk. “I did.”

It was at that moment that Izaya’s black phone let out an electronic wail.

“But it’ll have to wait I suppose,” Namie muttered, excitement dimming as she grabbed for the device that sat in the middle of the table and glared at the caller ID. “You might want to take this.”

Though he doubted that there was anything more important than what Namie had been about to say, Izaya grudgingly accepted the cellphone anyway. At the name though, a look of exhausted resignation worked its way onto his face. “Oh,” Izaya murmured, a thin smile claiming his lips despite his original reaction. “This should be fun.”

“I’m sure.” Namie gave him a look that spoke volumes. “Don’t do anything too stupid.” 

Picking up the call, Izaya delicately held the phone to his ear. Before he could say anything, a familiar voice dripped through the speakers.  _ “Good morning Orihara-san, I know it’s early but I just  _ had _ to hear it all straight from you.” _

Making a mental list of all the reasons Mizuki Akabayashi could possibly be calling him, Izaya got to his feet and wandered out of the room, leaving Namie to her work. “Ne, never too early for business Akabayashi-san.” It had been a while since he’d last been contacted by this particular colleague of Shiki’s, but Izaya was hardly worried. He hadn’t recently done anything inflammatory after all.

_ “A matter of business?” _ The older Awakusu-kai executive said with a darkly amused laugh.  _ “Orihara-san you  _ wound _ me, is that all I am to you?” _ Holding back a sigh, Izaya pinched the bridge of his nose and smiled one of those painful smiles he reserved specifically for talking to Akabayashi.  _ “This is a more… Congenial matter, I should say.” _

“What, do you wish to catch up over a friendly cup of coffee?” Izaya asked mockingly. “I’m a busy man Akabayashi-san, and you’re an important one. Neither of us have time to waste.” Sitting down in the leather armchair that looked exactly like the one Shinra used to own before Shizuo threw it through a wall, Izaya leaned back and closed his eyes. “Please, do get to the point.”

_ “So cold,” _ Akabayashi complained, though he hardly sounded upset.  _ “I bet you don’t act this way around Shiki. You just fall over yourself to please him.” _ The jab was plain, but Izaya let himself rise to it.

_ You sound like a jealous child. _ “How I do business with Shiki-san is between him and myself.” Izaya informed the man, tapping his fingers on the arm of his chair impatiently. “But if it makes you feel any better,” he teased, voice dripping with scorn. “We’re both consenting adults.”

_ “How droll.” _ Akabayashi purred, though at last he sounded a tad bit annoyed.  _ “You see Orihara-san, this is why I like talking to you. Nevermind your other talents, it’s your  _ wonderful _ sense of humor I come for, really.” _ Izaya allowed himself a smirk of victory.  _ “But I must raise issue with one point you made. Your business with him is as much my business as yours. This time at least.” _

Izaya scrapped his mental list of things the gang leader might be calling about in favor of a new one. “I see, and what piece of information have you extorted from Shiki-san this time.”

_ “Extortion? Hardly!” _ Akabayashi sounded all too pleased with himself.  _ “For someone who trusts me about as far as he can throw me, he seemed particularly eager to spill the beans on this matter. He looked so annoyed about it too, like he wanted to shut up but he couldn’t. Priceless!” _

An interesting feeling curled in Izaya’s gut as he put two and two together and waited for everyone else to get four. “Well, you wanted it from the horse’s mouth, ne? What can I enlighten you on today?”  _ Oh Shiki, what a hilarious twist of fate. Why I’d say the gods are against us both! _

_ “Soulmates, apparently,” _ Akabayashi said, that hint of a smirk still in his voice.  _ “Usually I’d take it as a load of bull but Shiki seems to believe it and he mentioned he’d passed the information about it off to you.” _

“Well,” Izaya murmured, picturing Shiki’s face as Akabayashi asked him something and usually tight-lipped man couldn’t stop himself from answering.  _ I’d have paid money to see that. _ “Seeing as Shiki-san didn’t have a problem telling you about something he described to me as being  _ very _ hush-hush, I suppose I can give you something more. What do you want to know?”

_ “Are they real?” _ Akabayashi asked at once, sounding mildly excited. Izaya had always found that the man was more willing to accept the supernatural where Shiki was skeptical to the end. 

Opening his eyes and staring at the swirls of gold that traced the dust drifting through his apartment, Izaya smiled ruefully. “Oh Akabayashi-san. Only too much.” Biting his lip to hold back the grin he usually had when he was planning to stir things up, Izaya continued, “Soulmates are very real and can be very dangerous at times. I’m sure Shiki-san told you about the apparent epidemic that’s been hitting the Awakusu gang, an epidemic that I’d go so far as to say has been hitting the rest of greater Tokyo as well.”

_ “An epidemic? What an interesting way to describe it.” _ Akabayashi sounded curious.  _ “So I take it you don’t see this as a good thing?” _

“Hardly!” Izaya let out a short bark of laughter. “Really, I’m quite worried Akabayashi-san and you should be too. After all, we haven’t yet figured out how it’s spreading. Fate, you know, can be rather tedious. There’s very little hard science and this is reaching terrifying proportions already.”

_ “Well that certainly is quite frightening.” _ Of course, the man didn’t sound frightened, he merely sounded amused, as if the idea of everyone’s lives suddenly being upended was funny.  _ Well, he’s not wrong… _

“Yes it is. In fact, I’d be grateful if you could take some time out of your busy schedule to ask Shiki-san if he’s come down with any symptoms.” Izaya struggled to contain a giggle. “Since he seems so  _ eager _ to talk to you, after all, you might as well make sure that he hasn’t succumbed. I’d hate to see such _ important  _ and  _ key _ people be brought low by this.”

Akabayashi snorted, as though picking up on the traces of deviousness in Izaya’s tone.  _ “Well Orihara-san, with such a  _ moving _ speech on the matter,” _ he paused to let out another laugh.  _ “I suppose I could… find the time sometime soon to check in on him. Though as you say, I am a very busy man.” _

“You have my  _ undying _ gratitude,” Izaya said liltingly, ever the sarcastic one. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I really must be going Akabayashi-san. There are many things that I must do and working on a cure is at the top of my list. I hope you have a wonderful day.”

_ “The same to you Orihara-san.” _ Before Izaya could hang up, the line went dead.

It was only then that he allowed himself a pleased chuckle. “Oh Namie-san,” he called to the other room. “Will I  _ ever _ scrape the depths of my genius?”

“You do every time you try to make a joke,” was Namie’s pithy reply. As he strolled back into the kitchen, she looked up from her computer to say, “I’ve been working for you for years and you still aren’t funny.”

Izaya pouted. “So cruel to me. I’m simply destroyed by your nasty words.” Sitting on the table-top and letting his legs dangle over the side, Izaya purred, “Now my wonderful secretary, tell me what you found.”

Namie actually grinned. 

~•~

Shizuo hadn’t slept. 

He was aware that some people could do this often with little affect on their day to day life but he was not one of those people. Currently, he was taking a walk. Said walk mostly involved wandering in loose circles around Ikebukuro. 

Actually, he wasn’t even in Ikebukuro anymore, his walk having brought him into the greater Toshima district. It was just to clear his head really, because he needed that. He really fucking did.

Izaya. The one thing he couldn’t get away from.

The man was the reason Shizuo hadn’t been able to sleep and the thought always swimming around in his mind. Shizuo knew he shouldn’t obsess, but he couldn’t help it. Couldn’t escape the inevitable circles his mind took him in.

_ While this might be an inelegant farewell, I suppose it will have to do. _

Shizuo ground his teeth together as the words played over and over again in his head. Izaya, the one constant in his life, gone. Vanished like he’d never been there in the first place. All because of this stupid soulmate problem.

Part of him wondered if he should just be happy that Izaya was gone. Hadn’t he spend most of his life wishing for that very thing? Fought the man almost daily to do get him out of Ikebukuro. Joy would make sense, the feeling of a weight being lifted off of his shoulders.

But it wasn’t there. All Shizuo felt was a deep loss. It didn’t matter that he’d fought Izaya for years, he cared damnit! He’s seen the tears and the pain and it  _ hurt  _ him. Shizuo couldn’t erase the image of Izaya, staring at him with such hopelessness and fear, from his mind.  _ Why the hell am I thinking like this? Why do I give a shit? _ He didn’t know, he didn’t get it. But it was there, that wish to be closer to Izaya, if only to help him in some small way.

_ All I fucking do is hurt him. Have the last few days taught me nothing? _ Heh, apparently not, but then, Izaya always had said he was stupid.

Taking a deep breath, Shizuo stared at the ground for a moment before digging in his pockets for a carton of cigarettes. Ever since this shit had started he’d been smoking far too much. Though he knew it was probably an addiction, Shizuo had never treated it as such. His need for it ebbed and flowed with the situation. The most stress, the more nicotine he required to deal with it.

This was no different.

Fumbling a cigarette out of its package and between his lips, Shizuo glanced up and felt a dull flicker of surprise. _ The Kanda river, I guess I walked farther than I thought… _ Glancing down at his arm where he had the thread of fate looped several times, the blond furrowed his brows. Probably, he should turn back soon. He wasn’t sure how long the thread was but he didn’t want to do something he’d regret.

Izaya was already upset enough, he didn’t want to make him feel like he was stuck on a leash on top of everything else.

Nevertheless, Shizuo pulled out his lighter and stared at the river, eyes unfocused. Over it was Shinjuku, he knew. From where he was, Shizuo could see one of the many bustling bridges that spanned the gap.  _ I wonder which path Izaya takes, all those times he’s come to Ikebukuro. _ Funny that the man had spent so much time trying to get to Shizuo only to get chased away.

Of course logically, Shizuo knew this was inaccurate. Izaya probably had innumerable reasons to come to Ikebukuro but it felt like he came for Shizuo.  _ And now he’s spending all his time putting as much distance between us as possible. _

Soulmates. The word felt like a slap in the face.

It wasn’t like it meant anything anymore. Whatever the symptoms, all Shizuo saw was more misery for Izaya and more guilt on his shoulders.  _ He’s such a mess and I can’t even help. _ With a sigh, he held the small flame to end of his cigarette and waited for the smoke to start rising before pulling in a breath of smoke and flicking the lighter closed. It did nothing to relax him, but it hardly mattered anymore.  _ God, everything’s a mess. _

Slowly meandering towards the river, closer to the bridge and the pedestrians walking beside it, Shizuo pulled the cigarette out of his mouth so he could let go of a long stream of smoke. It all looked so peaceful, even in shades of red. He was almost used to it at this point, the hazy crimson that covered the world.

No, he  _ was _ used to it. It hardly even registered anymore. Things didn’t look so oppressively similar anymore, he could differentiate between the various hues that made up the world. The sun that was still white hot with intense reds fading from it, the water of the river that sparkled hematically, the spot of fire that was standing on the railing of the bridge.

_ Wait, what? _

Shizuo’s eyes focused as a thrill of surprise and then fear shot through him because it only took a second to realize what he was seeing. 

Izaya, in the middle of the bridge, standing on the edge of the railing, looking down at the drop beneath him. From here, Shizuo couldn’t see the expression on his face, had no idea what was running through his head but he did remember the deadness in Izaya’s eyes the day before and the defeat that had claimed the man. Remembered that, and heard Celty’s and Shinra’s words echo through his mind.

_ You know, go off the deep end. _

_ Fuck. _

Blood rushing in his ears, Shizuo found himself running, hardly caring that Izaya had told him to stay away.  _ Why the hell did he do that anyway? Was it really because he doesn’t want to see me? _

_ Or was it because he didn’t want me to see? _

People shouted in consternation as he barreled through them, cars swerved as he darted through traffic to get to the bridge. Shizuo didn’t even see any of it, all he could see was the glowing figure that was Izaya Orihara and see the way he looked over the edge of the bridge like he was contemplating just jumping off.

Just ending it.

_ An inelegant farewell indeed. _

As he got closer, Izaya must have heard the commotion his approach generated because he turned around. Shizuo registered the surprise, the flicker of fear and irritation that accompanied it. Almost like the blond was getting in the way of his plans, like he was an inconvenience.  _ Fine, let me be an annoyance, just don’t do this Izaya! _

“IZAYA~!” Shizuo yelled wildly, eyes wide and full of terror. Those around them started clearing the area, some, if not all, aware of the famous rivalry and not wanting to get caught in the crosshairs. “WHAT THE HELL?”

Izaya gave Shizuo an unreadably frustrated glare. “I thought we agreed to stay away from each other, ne?” His feet were too close to the edge and the fire around him didn’t make the look in his eyes any less desperate. Manic. It was different from what he’d seen the day before, now Shizuo was seeing the decision that had already been made. The sick resolve.

“I’m not going to fucking stay away from you if this is what you decide to do!” Shizuo snarled in response, stalking closer, prompting Izaya to start backing away from him. Now he could see the fear, the feeling of injustice in those eyes. Their bright cherry red was so captivating, the thought of them dimming in death was too horrible to contemplate. 

_ Please Izaya, we can figure this out, don’t do this to me. _

“Leave me alone!” Izaya snapped, still backpedaling, too close to the edge for comfort. Shizuo didn’t need this, he didn’t want this to happen. “Stop trying to screw everything up! You don’t understand!” Oh he understood alright and he hated that he did.  _ I drove him to this, I pushed him and pushed him until he couldn’t see a way out. _

“I DO!  _ Please, _ don’t fucking do this Izaya!” Shizuo all but begged, reaching out, terrified and angry and desperate all at the same time. “Whatever you’re going to do, don’t do it! We’re just soulmates Izaya, it’s not worth this!”  _ Please, anything but this. Anything! _

“You stupid beast! Don’t try and stop me.” Izaya hissed. Shizuo knew it was going to happen before it did, saw Izaya’s foot move out over nothing even as the man yelled with fervent energy, “I’m fixing things Shizu-chan, just let it be over!”

“NO!”

Izaya’s eyes widened as Shizuo lunged forward and he teetered backwards, discovering that there was nothing there to catch him. His mouth opened in a yell lost to the momentum as he tipped backwards and fell off the side of the bridge. Shizuo could do nothing as he watched Izaya, the stupid Flea he’d become helplessly attached to over the past few days, fall backwards into nothing and vanish from his vision.

In that moment, he acted on instinct. As fear filled Shizuo and he kept moving towards the spot where Izaya had fallen as if in slow motion, he saw it, the red thread that had caused the two of them such grief. His hands moved unconsciously, as if pulled forward by something out of his control. Possibly fate, possibly something else.

Like he’d known what to do, Shizuo reached out, grabbed the red thread of fate that was falling over the bridge after Izaya and pulled.

How fate could give someone rope burns, Shizuo would never know.

As Izaya’s weight fell on the string, Shizuo felt it threaten to escape his hands. It even started to slip, allowing Izaya to continue to plummet, but the blond held on tightly and started looping the thread around his hands even before Izaya had stopped fully moving. Heart pounding in his chest, Shizuo smacked hard against the concrete side of the bridge as time sped up again. Suddenly he was pulling Izaya up by his ankle as he moved hand over hand to shorten the rope, unable to think about anything else but this single task.

The moment he caught sight of the flailing ivory limbs, Shizuo caught ahold of Izaya’s feet and pulled him the rest of the way over the railing, back to safety. He only took a moment to make sure Izaya was still breathing before doing the thing he’d wanted to do for the past day by pulling the man into a crushing embrace.

Izaya was shaking, but then, so was he.

“Don’t you  _ ever _ fucking do that again,” Shizuo murmured vehemently, burying his face into Izaya’s hair as he just let himself shake, let the fear run its course. “Life’s shit Izaya, I know it’s shit but you don’t get to kill yourself over it.  _ Ever!” _

“I-I wasn’t,” Izaya stammered, his own words tremulous with fear. Shizuo could feel Izaya’s heartbeat against his own chest, hammering like a drum. Weakly, Izaya’s own hands pushed against Shizuo, trying to put distance between them. “S-s-stupid i-idiot. I’m  _ not.” _

“You fucking were!” Shizuo snapped, clenching his jaw as he relived those few moments again and again, unable to put them to rest. “Death isn’t going to solve shit Izaya, you have to know that! It’s only going to make it worse! Jumping of a fucking bridge does  _ nothing!” _

“I didn’t want to kill myself, I never jumped. It was an accident!” Izaya insisted, pushing harder against Shizuo, almost panicked in his efforts to get away. “Let me go, stop acting like this!” But he was still shaking and Shizuo couldn’t believe him when he said that he hadn’t wanted to die.  _ You’re fucking lying, I saw you yesterday Izaya, you were trying to kill yourself! _

**_I wasn’t trying to kill myself!_ **

The explosive noise in Shizuo’s mind shocked him into complete stillness. The flipside was that Izaya too had frozen. For a moment, Shizuo hardly dared to breath, then, very slowly, he drew back and stared down at the Raven.

Izaya’s eyes spiraled as he stared back at Shizuo, mouth slightly open, no longer struggling to get away. He didn’t know if he’d imagined what had just happened, or if it had simply been a fluke. Izaya  _ must _ have said it out loud, right?

_ I must have imagined that. _

**_What the hell…?_ **

And suddenly Shizuo was hit with a veritable flood of emotions. Fear, anger, confusion, desperation and a twisted sort of laughter all condensed down into a ball of pure feeling that made his head spin. Hands finding the railing behind Izaya and leaning against, it, Shizuo tried to force the foreign emotions away as they tried to overwhelm him. He couldn’t even wonder where they were coming from, his brain was too scrambled. Izaya, at the same time, fell against Shizuo as he gasped, almost like he was physically in pain. His shoulders trembled as whatever had just hit the blond seemed to hit him as well.

_ Shit shit shit, _ Shizuo thought repeatedly, pushing back against the hurricane hitting him. At the same time though, he kept hearing words in languages he didn’t know flow through his mind. They sounded like the things Izaya spat out when he was exceptionally upset.

It sounded like Izaya…

And then it clicked. Abandoning his attempts to push back the swell of foreign feelings, Shizuo attempted to reel in his own, the extreme fear he had that Izaya was going to hurt himself, the wish to make everything better, the intense desire to protect the Raven from anything and everything that could hurt him. All of it he pushed down, tamed it into a manageable thing that he could control. Almost like he was dimming the lights in his mind for just a moment.

Through the haze that the other feelings in his mind were causing, Shizuo felt Izaya’s body melt against him as the strain on him lessened. And like that, Shizuo knew he was right.  _ I’m hearing his thoughts. _

Almost as if in response to Shizuo’s thoughts, the storm in his mind died down. The sudden stillness was accompanied by the echoing words of  **_Oh god, please not this._ **

Swallowing hard, Shizuo gripped Izaya by the shoulders and pushed him back enough so he could stare at him hard. “I-Izaya?” he murmured, still feeling sparks of emotions at the fringes of his conscious. Fear. Disbelief. Denyal. “Is that- Did I just…”

Mouth tightening into a firm line, Shizuo felt a sudden rush of stubborn refusal to accept what was happening followed by Izaya attempting to escape his hold. “It’s nothing Shizuo, let me go.” The blond didn’t miss the exclusion on the familiar nickname from Izaya’s speech. It left a sour taste in Shizuo’s mouth, even as he told himself it didn’t matter. Unexpectedly, Izaya’s eyes widened in confusion, almost like…

Shizuo attempted to clamp down on his straying emotions.  _ Fuck. _ “I heard your thoughts!” he insisted, taking care not to shake Izaya around as he was tempted to do. “I could feel what you were feeling, I still am! What is this?” Another surge of denial, this time accompanied by panic.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Izaya hissed, fighting against Shizuo a little harder. “You’re crazy, let me go Shizu-chan.” His breathing was coming in short gasps and again Shizuo heard Izaya’s voice in his head as he thought  **_let me go you stupid beast, don’t make me deal with this!_ ** “You’re j-just imagining things,” Izaya stammered, unable to meet Shizuo’s eyes. “I- Just let me go!”

Frustrated with Izaya’s blatant lies, Shizuo threw all the mental force he could into the words,  _ YOU JUST FUCKING TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE, DON’T TELL ME TO LET YOU GO JUST SO YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN! _

Izaya clutched at his head as if in pain.  **_I WASN’T TRYING TO KILL MYSElF!_ **

Glaring at Shizuo with a renewed passion, Izaya spat, “I was absolutely fine Shizu-chan, I was just walking on the wall. You were the one who scared me off! You’re the reason I almost died! You’re always the reason I get hurt so just let. Me.  _ Go!” _ Shoving against Shizuo, Izaya finally managed to stumble away from him.

Shizuo just stared at the Raven as guilt welled up in his chest.  _ I- I never meant… _ he thought weakly, his mouth opening as he tried to speak. And yet through the remorse, Shizuo still couldn’t quite believe that Izaya was going to be fine if he left, he was  _ sick _ of leaving and watching Izaya get hurt. If they stuck together, at least he’d have a chance to protect Izaya from whatever stupid thing he did next.

So it was for these reasons that Shizuo ground out, “No. No I won’t.” Ignoring the dismay, the frustration and the fear that echoed from Izaya, Shizuo grit his teeth and clenched his fists at his sides. “You almost fucking died Izaya. Unless I’m mistaken, that’s becoming a habit of yours. I’m not going to fucking leave when every time before that I’ve left, you’ve only gotten more hurt.”

“I’m fine!” Izaya insisted, his eyes overly bright. “I was doing better before you showed up. I- I was trying to fix things.” Stubbornly clenching his jaw and pulling back the emotions that kept wavering within the corner of Shizuo’s mind that seemed to be connected to Izaya, the Raven begged, “Just let me go Shizu-chan, please.”

“Fix things?” Shizuo asked, seizing on the words, a flicker of surprise running through him.  _ I thought there was no solution… _

**_Well, you were wrong._ ** Lifting his chin, Izaya tried for a steady voice as he said, “Yes Shizu-chan, fix things. I think I found a solution and I was going to meet the contact now. This is making me very late so if you don’t mind, I really must be-”

Lunging forward, Shizuo caught Izaya’s wrist before he could run off. This time, he was ready for the flash of anger and desperation to just get away. Because he wasn’t sure what else to do, Shizuo forced himself to fill with the feeling of reassurance. Like a charm, Izaya’s panic abated and shifted into simple stubbornness. Knowing that he now could get more of Izaya’s attention, Shizuo held up his arm, displaying the string of fate that was still looped around it. “You can’t just run off idiot, you’d have just gotten hurt again.”

Surprised, Izaya swallowed the retort Shizuo  _ knew _ had been building in the back of his throat. “I- W-what?” he stammered, almost like he couldn’t believe that Shizuo would care enough to prevent something so small just because it would hurt him. No, Shizuo could  _ hear _ Izaya’s confused thoughts echo in his mind.  **_-not supposed to care, why is he acting like this. We’re not even friends, why does he keep acting like he cares?_ **

Undaunted by the fact that he was answering a question Izaya hadn’t even really voiced, Shizuo quietly said, “Because I do, okay? You’re not my enemy, okay? I mean yeah, I used to hate you, but I really don’t anymore. And right now, I don’t want to see you fucking hurt if I can prevent it.”

Eyes widening, Izaya stopped trying to pull away and just stared in disbelief at Shizuo.  **_What…?_ ** Taking several deep breaths to steady himself, Izaya finally managed, “R-regardless, I have places to be. Just let the extra string go so I can be on my way.”

It wasn’t even conscious change, but when Shizuo reached his mind out, he could feel the shift inside Izaya, almost like the gears inside him had been realigned.  _ Now’s as good a time as ever… _

“I’m coming with you,” Shizuo insisted again. “I know that you’re fine but I’m still coming with you.”

Izaya shook his head, still stubbornly clinging to the idea of going alone. “No, I don’t need you. I’m not going to kill myself, surely you can see that now. I’m fine.”

“I know,” Shizuo muttered, gaze dropping to the ground. “But I’m not.”  _ I’m still terrified, _ he thought, almost like a confession.  _ I can’t bear the thought of something happening to you. If you die, that would kill me. _ “Just please,” he finally said aloud. “Let me come with you. I won’t get in the way, I just… Please?”

Mentally, the blond felt Izaya relent. “Fine,” Izaya said shortly, like he was resigning himself to his fate. Shizuo waited for him to add some sort of cause to that, to say he could only stay for a certain length of time or possibly only until they got where he was going but Izaya just reached down and carefully pried Shizuo’s fingers off of his wrist.

**_If you insist on keeping me on a short leash…_** Shizuo’s heart leaped uncomfortably as Izaya’s hand slipped into his. As if in reaction to his thoughts, Izaya turned red and quickly withdrew his hand, instead scrambling at the thread around Shizuo’s limp arm till he felt like he had enough slack. “J-just keep up, alright,” Izaya stammered. The blond could feel the man’s embarrassment as powerfully as if it were his own. “I don’t want to get yanked off of my feet because you’re too slow. I’ve already ruined one pair of jeans because of you.”

Turning, Izaya started walking, ignoring the stares of the people who had stopped to watch the whole shitshow. Mind finally catching up, Shizuo hurried to follow.

For a long time, neither of them said anything. Even as Izaya started weaving his way through the outskirts of Shinjuku, Shizuo couldn’t think of anything to say. Hell, he could hardly think. He was still trying to process what had just happened.  _ Izaya almost died, I saved him, and now I can hear his thoughts and feel his emotions. How the fuck did this even happen? _

Stopping in the middle of the dirty sidewalk, Izaya sighed. “Look,” he started, finally looking at Shizuo for the first time since the bridge. “I don’t know why it happened right then but I can tell you that… That it’s another symptom.” Izaya didn’t even blink as Shizuo, very loudly, let out a string of curses. “Yeah, it really does suck, doesn’t it?”

“How the hell does this keep happening to us?” Shizuo grumbled, shoving his hands in his pockets and glaring at the sidewalk. “What did we even fucking do?” At his disgruntled words, Izaya actually managed a chuckle.

“We didn’t do anything, Celty just reached into my soul and screwed around with my fate because Shinra told her to.”  **_Honestly, this kind of thing makes you look like a genius._ **

Catching the thought that Izaya had clearly meant for Shizuo to hear, the blond let out a laugh of surprise.  _ Thanks, I think… _ “So Celty fucks shit up, now we’re soulmates, or at least, now we know we’re soulmates. Yep, that makes about as much sense as the rest of this week.”

Spinning on his heels so he could skip backwards with a bit of his old energy, Izaya cooed, “Come now Shizu-chan, you’ve known me for years. You have to be used to crazy by now.” A thin grin that Shizuo knew held genuine enjoyment, Izaya stuck his nose up and mockingly said, “It was in the terms and conditions of being around me.”

_ You’re actually happy. _

**_Well, I guess I’m a little tired of just being scared all the time._ **

Shizuo rolled his eyes. “There were no terms of service Flea, you were the one who decided to piss me off.” He couldn’t deny the relief that came with knowing that Izaya was feeling better. Sure it was weird, hearing someone else’s thoughts, but Shizuo was already starting to get used to it.  _ It’s almost like the universe is forcing us to communicate. _

**_Everyone knows that communication is the first step to a healthy relationship,_** Izaya thought, though not as sarcastically as he probably intended. “I decided!? I think you’re misremembering our first encounter. As I recall, you were the one who threw the first punch. Actually, you were the only one throwing punches.”

“I still have a fucking scar,” Shizuo reminded him, but it was almost with amusement that he said, “And besides, you still use that shitty nickname.”

**_You like it._ **

_ Fuck off. _

Meeting each other’s eyes, both Shizuo and Izaya found themselves overcome by the strange urge to laugh. Something about this was just so inherently ridiculous that it demanded a reaction. Izaya snickered softly and Shizuo snorted, neither about to say what they were both thinking out loud.

_ It’s almost like we’re friends. _

“So, you said you found a solution,” Shizuo started, walking forward until he was level with the still skipping Izaya. Turning to face forward, the Raven shrugged.

“I suppose. Well, I didn’t find anything, I was still in a state of emotional lockdown. My marvelous secretary found a solution.” Twirling his fingers, Izaya smirked sidelong at Shizuo. “I’m just going to casually take credit for it when the time comes.”

Rolling his eyes, Shizuo thought,  _ You’re full of shit Flea. _ “Okay, so what is this solution that you’re taking credit for?” It was surprisingly easy to act like this around Izaya, normal, companionable. After everything that had happened in the last few days though, Shizuo felt it was justified.  _ Why did I hate him in the first place anyway? _

**_Because we both had better sense than to like each other._ ** “A way to fix our soulmate problems,” Izaya said cheekily, even though when Shizuo reached out for Izaya’s emotions, all he found were sparks of melancholy. “You may now bow down before me Shizu-chan.”

_ What is better sense even worth if it just produced years of fighting and hatred that didn’t even have a reason to fucking exist? _ “A solution,” Shizuo clarified, now understanding the hope he’d been feeling come from Izaya and the sudden good mood. “To make us… what? Not soulmates anymore?”

“I wish,” Izaya muttered, the good mood finally truly dampened. Shizuo wrinkled his nose at the bitterness that welled up within the Raven at the prospect.  **_It doesn’t even matter anyway Shizu-chan,_ ** Izaya’s words echoed sharply within his mind.  **_I’ve done enough to you over the years to justify every ounce of your rage._ ** “But no, it’s a whole lot more complicated than that.”

Frustrated, not just with his mental battle with Izaya but the way that verbally, the man was being as indirect as possible, Shizuo huffed, “So explain it.”  _ You don’t get to say shit like that, I’ve made my fair share of mistakes as well. Why are you so deadset on me hating you? _

**_Don’t be stupid Shizu-chan, I hate you too._ ** But it didn’t work right when Shizuo could feel what Izaya did and knew that the man was lying through his teeth.

_ You don’t hate me, don’t change the fucking subject. You  _ want _ me to hate you, why? _

**_Because that’s what you’re suppose to do you beast, you’re not allowed to change._ ** “Well since you’re  _ so _ interested,” Izaya drawled. “Then I suppose I could give you the cliffnotes of what Namie-san told me. Everything that’s been happening to us has been centered around fate,  _ obviously. _ Soulmate theory is just a very small subset of the things that your fate dictates. Some would say it dictates everything but  _ that _ is a story for another day. What’s important is that fate and soulmates are one and the same and so when you are affecting  _ soulmates _ you’re really just affecting fate.”

_ Well, I guess you should have told me that before all this shit started because you know what, shit’s changed a whole lot.  _ “Kinda already told me that,” Shizuo pointed out, furrowing his brow as he ordered everything that Izaya had just said in his brain till it made sense.

“Okay yes, well,” Izaya rolled his eyes. Yet Shizuo could feel his frustration, the angst the mental statements the blond was throwing at the man was causing.  **_You’re just supposed to be my monster, you’re not supposed to… To do anything else. You make sense when you’re angry with me, everything makes sense when you’re angry with me._ ** “As I understand, some people and creatures can affect fate. Most of the time, it’s the supernatural. Creatures like Celty who can act as amplifiers for fate. Because of what they are, they can only ever intensify something that’s already there, ergo, Celty can’t fix what she’s done.”

“But you found someone who could.” Shizuo raised an eyebrow. In truth, he was only half paying attention and he had a feeling Izaya knew it. Honestly though, the silent conversation was far more important to him. He couldn’t help but feel profoundly sad when he mulled over what Izaya had just told him through his thoughts.  _ Well even once things are  _ back to normal _ I’m not going to just going to go back to hating you Izaya, you have to understand that. I can’t just go from this back to that irrational anger in a second, if ever. _

**_I know that, I_ ** **know.** **_It terrifies me._ ** Which was probably the most honest Shizuo would ever get Izaya to be. “Not quite, but sort of. You see, it turns out that Celty isn’t the only one in this city who can affect fate. There are humans who can do it too.” Gesticulating expressively, Izaya continued, “Of course, they aren’t able to quite do the same things that supernatural entities can do. In fact, in certain cases they can do more because they are able to act as suppressors.”

_ Maybe it’s not such a bad thing. I can feel your emotions Izaya, you don’t hate me, not really. _ Sure, maybe Izaya had a lot of conflicting emotions when it came to Shizuo, but they weren’t hate. Fear, sure. Condemnation and resentment for the past few days, definitely, but not hatred. Hell, Shizuo would have almost said that Izaya was  _ happy  _ that he was around.

“So as it happens,” Izaya hurried to say, almost as if he was feeling physically backed into a corner by Shizuo’s blunt thoughts. “One of these… Shall we say  _ Witch doctors _ lives in Shinjuku and Namie-san managed to put me in touch with him. He can’t make us  _ not _ soulmates, nothing, as far as I know, can do that. But he can make it so everything goes back to normal. No weird vision, no string of fate, no glowing name, no nothing.”

**_So in the end, it doesn’t matter how I feel Shizu-chan. I’m making it so neither of us ever have to worry about it again._ **

Clenching his jaw, Shizuo managed, “I guess that makes about as much sense as anything.” It sucked, because while he fully supported getting out of the crap situation they’d found themselves in, he hated how scared Izaya was of just accepting that maybe his emotions were a thing that were allowed to change. He’d never really put it into as many words before, but Shizuo knew it now. 

Izaya was terrified of change.

“Look,” the Raven suddenly muttered, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk and facing Shizuo. Taking a deep breath as if what he was about to say was physically taxing, Izaya finally said, “You’re right. Things have changed. I’m not the same person I was last week and neither are you. Putting a lid on the worst of it isn’t going to make things go back to normal.”

Fighting the urge to just say  _ yeah, I know, get on with it, _ Shizuo nodded, unable to quite meet Izaya’s eyes. The empty street the stood on fit the mood perfectly, with not a soul in sight and the buildings around them looking dirty with lack of proper care. Focusing on the sidewalk behind Izaya like it interested him and the conversation they were having didn’t, Shizuo muttered, “But you wish it did.”

Izaya laughed bitterly. “Honestly, yes.” Fidgeting with the cuffs of his coat, Izaya continued, “I liked what we had. Yeah, it was just an idiotic rivalry that was built on nothing but air, but that was comfortable. That was  _ fun. _ Shizu-chan, I woke up looking forward to you chasing me through Ikebukuro.”

Shizuo couldn’t explain the fluttering in his stomach, but it was making him feel either queasy or really really…

Happy.

“And then this happened and suddenly, all of that is gone.” Izaya’s words brought Shizuo back down to earth. Gaze shifting towards Izaya’s face, the blond felt a pang in his heart as he registered the loss, in the glowing crimson eyes that stared at the ground and at the fringes of his consciousness. “All we have are a list of problems that keep growing and keep making both of us miserable.”

Without really thinking about it, Shizuo reached out for Izaya. His hand moved like he was going to brush the man’s cheek but he decided against it last second and instead rested it on Izaya’s shoulder. “Hey,” he muttered, voice unexpectedly thick. “It doesn’t have to be like this. We could, I don’t know, learn to work through this shit.”  _ This doesn’t have to be… the end. _

“That’s cute Shizu-chan,” Izaya snorted, but Shizuo could feel the man lean into his touch, even if it was only slightly. He could feel the second-hand comfort he was giving Izaya in the midst of his despair.  **_What else is it supposed to be?_ **

_ Maybe just something new. _

Closing his eyes, Izaya sighed softly. “I don’t even know why I’m bothering anymore. I was so  _ excited _ this morning to finally have the chance to solve this but now…” He shrugged under Shizuo’s hand. “I can’t win. Either way, I’ve lost-”

What Izaya had lost, well, Shizuo would have been very eager to find out, but it was at that moment that he noticed something. Though his vision cast everything into a ruddy red glow, Shizuo could still see into the shadows of the alleyway beside Izaya and therefore was able to see the knife before even Izaya did.

Tightening his grip on Izaya’s shoulder, Shizuo lunged forward and shielded the Raven with his own body. The blade cut into his back, but Shizuo hardly even noticed it. He was already turning back around and seizing the wrist of the would-be murderer. Crushing it in a hold that would have bent steel, Shizuo lifted the man up bodily and thundered, “WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?”

His mind was still scrambling to catch up to what was happening. Fear from Izaya kept intruding on his thoughts, making it impossible to concentrate.  _ Fucking piece of shit thinks he can hurt Izaya? I’ll fucking kill him. _ “I ASKED YOU A FUCKING QUESTION!” Shizuo bellowed, shaking him roughly. “ANSWER ME!”

When the man only let out an inarticulate scream of pain, Shizuo lost whatever patience he might have had. He almost yelled again but then Izaya’s fear fully registered and the guilt started seeping in.  _ God, I’m not making this any better, am I? _ Letting the man suffer the full weight of his fury, Shizuo reeled his arm back before launching the unfortunate degenerate into the air.

The moment the man vanished over the horizon, Shizuo heard Izaya make a soft noise that sounded like terror. Spinning to face him, Shizuo insistently asked, “Are you okay? Did he hurt you? Who the fuck even was that?” Inside, though he still felt murderous, the sheer weight of his concern for Izaya completely eclipsed his ire.  _ As long as Izaya’s okay, as long as he’s still okay. _

“I’m fine,” Izaya whispered, though Shizuo could see in his eyes that he wasn’t. Could see it in the way he shook like a leaf.  **_I never saw him. I never even saw him. He almost killed me, I could have died._ ** Like a broken record on repeat, Izaya’s mind kept beating out those same thoughts, oblivious or simply no longer caring that Shizuo could hear them loud and clear. 

The thoughts only stopped when Shizuo gave up on trying to do things the careful way and simply wrapped his arms around Izaya for the second time that day.  _ You’re fine, okay. No one is going to lay a finger on you if I have any say in it. _ “See, I told you it was a good idea to let me tag along.”

Surprisingly, Izaya’s trembling stopped and a small giggle bubbled up out of his chest. “Yes Shizu-chan, because everyone gets randomly attacked by low-ranking gang members looking to make a statement.”  **_Thank you._ ** Letting go of Izaya, Shizuo let out a laugh of his own.

“Yeah, point taken. But this is the second time you’ve almost died today so I think I’m winning this argument.”

“A broken clock is right twice a day.”

“And we’d know all about broken clocks, now wouldn’t we?”

Izaya pushed Shizuo, not that it did any good. “Shut up and lets go. We’re almost there beast.”

Smiling, Shizuo followed Izaya, glad that the air had lightened.  _ Who knew it took a stabbing to brighten the mood? _ Izaya chuckled at Shizuo’s thoughts before glancing down at a piece of paper. Looking back up at a specific apartment they’d stopped outside of, Izaya clapped his hands.

“So, ready to have our problems solved?” he asked, shooting Shizuo a mischievous look that struck a chord within the blond’s chest.

Setting his shoulders, Shizuo shrugged. “About as ready as I’ll ever be.”

Izaya raised his hand to knock.

~•~

“So,” he let the word hang in the air, postponing the inevitable. There was the distinctive sound of heels on the hardwood and the doctor managed a smile. “I suppose I should have expected this.”

“Hmm,” she hummed noncommittally. “Well considering the mess you managed to create, I’d say that you should have been waiting for something.”

With a sigh, Shinra straightened his glasses. “I must admit, this wasn’t…  _ exactly _ what I had in mind.” Steepling his fingers over the table, he bowed his head. “It’s amazing the damage one little harmless prank can cause.”

“You know,” Namie started, tapping one finger against the composite wood surface of the table. “Of all people, I would have expected  _ you _ to think this kind of thing through. I mean I get it, Izaya can be a dick, but experimenting on him without his consent? That’s some pretty heavy stuff.”

“It was just supposed to kick him down a notch,” Shinra muttered, staring at the stack of folders Namie had meticulously placed in the center of the table. “I mean, I didn’t even think it would work. Seriously, what are the chances…”

“Until this morning, he was on the verge of full mental collapse,” the woman pointed out sharply. “I think you’ve definitely made your point Kishitani-san.”

This meeting had been long overdue, Shinra hadn’t even bothered to fight it when he’d gotten the message to meet Namie Yagiri. That being said, he hated the way she watched him like he was filth for what had happened.  _ Then again, Izaya says she always acts like this… _

Steeling himself, Shinra sat up straight. “Okay, so tell me what I can do to help.”

Namie fixed him with a razor thin smile that was almost as scary as her tone of voice. “Start explaining.”

Nodding, Shinra took a deep breath. “I’m not sure what Celty told you or what you’ve found out from other sources about fate but here’s what I know.” Ordering his thoughts, Shinra continued, “Fate is like an extremely complex web, like that of a funnel spider. With layers upon layers of interwoven and highly sensitive threads. This mass exists on a different plane of existence as us so generally, it goes untouched.”

Namie nodded. “I assume you chose a web for a reason?”

Shinra nodded. “Yes, I say web because like a spider’s web, when you touch one strand, all the others can feel it. If you mess with one person’s fate, you are  _ always _ affecting the fates of those around it.”

Moving his pinky fingers absently, Shinra said, “So in answer to your question you asked before we came here, yes, by touching Izaya’s fate, I was aware that I was running the risk of affecting the fates of those connected to him.” He smiled ruefully. “Usually, if the thing changing fate knew what they were doing, that wouldn’t happen, but Celty… She’s a novice at best.”

“And yet you still performed the experiment,” Namie muttered, sounding just disappointed with him overall. “So I take it that because Celty touched Izaya’s fate, every strand of fate, however small, that was connected to him, was affected in the same way? That’s what I’ve gathered so far at least.”

“Yes, that’s true.”

“So why does it keep happening?” Namie gave him a hard look. “I’ve been monitoring the city as best as I can. I’m not as good as Izaya but then, who is? From what I can tell, everyone who is anyone has been affected by this. It’s a soulmate epidemic and it’s not slowing down. That means that you and I and a whole host of other people are vulnerable. Where does it end?”

Shinra glanced down at his own hands. “Celty used some strong magic to do what she did. Based on Izaya’s symptoms alone, it’s obvious.” Biting his lip, the doctor added, “Past that, I don’t have anything concrete. I can tell you that without a doubt Izaya’s just going to keep getting worse.”

“Until…” the woman trailed off expectantly. “What exactly?”

“Until he solves the problem permanently,” Shinra stated bluntly. “Until whatever power that controls fate is satisfied.”

“Until he and Shizuo-san fuck,” Namie stated, tone cold. “Don’t skirt around it Kishitani-san, I didn’t come here for you to tiptoe around me. What happens if they don’t?”

“Then Izaya keeps incurring symptoms indefinitely,” Shinra admitted. “Or until Celty’s magic runs out but you tell me what’s going to happen first. That, or Izaya deciding that dealing with it all is too hard?”

Namie sounded bitter. “Fair point. If Izaya and Shizuo-san get together, which we both know is never going to happen, will that have an affect on the rest of this soulmate problem?”

Shinra hesitated for the barest fraction of a second before nodding slowly. “Once the magic stops, it stops. Of course, whoever has already been affected by it won’t suddenly revert to normal, but it will probably stop any further spread.”

“Okay,” Namie said slowly. For a moment she just sat there, thinking, then she looked up again. “I sent Izaya to a local witch doctor who knows  quite a bit about fate and mending it. Do you think it’ll work?”

“Honestly?” Shinra shrugged. “No.”

Namie grit her teeth visibly. “Well, we’ll just have to see, won’t we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bold thoughts belong to Izaya. Yeah, some of the emotions were tangled, I'll probably go and sort that out. Sorry, I know I promised hairless cats but this chapter just got long. I couldn't swing it. Next chapter, pinky swear.
> 
> Everything is going to shit, if you hadn't noticed. Poor Izaya's getting all hopeful for nothing but on the other side of things, character development, talking things out like adults. To anyone who guessed correctly, congratulations, you've won my own personal version of the lottery. YAY!
> 
> I'm tired, I'm going to bed. Peace out sweet things
> 
> Also, just as a random ass side-note, what do y'all think about me posting some Yuri on Ice shit that I've been writing for a friend. I don't know much about everything from that fandom but I know a bit and so far, it's looking okay. Just let me know if you want to see it or if you think that my crappy shit should just stay my crappy shit and not become your crappy shit as well.
> 
> Now for real, I need sleep.


	9. On The Curious Subject Of Hairless Cats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Izaya thinks he’s got it all figured out and the Witch Doctor’s cats know better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can hear what you're saying already.
> 
> BUT Q, YOU'RE MESSING WITH THE FORMAT NOOOOOOooooooooo....
> 
> Yes darlings, I am. But Come ON! It's worth it, admit it. I'll have the rest of (What was supposed to be) this chapter done soon but we can rejoice because look, I did a thing
> 
> THE VOTE IS STILL OPEN. I'm going to be leaving the official tally a surprise from now on but I'm counting and damn, it's getting close again so vote vote vote!!! Or don't, I mean, I could do something completely off the rails and give neither of them collars...
> 
> Whatever, enjoy!

Izaya was slightly a whole lot of things at that moment.

Slightly nervous, slightly excited, slightly happy that this was about to all be over, slightly sad that it had to end at all when he’d just struck up a new, tentative sort of camaraderie with the beast that eclipsed everything else. Hell, he was even slightly glad that Shizuo was there with him instead of making him face this alone. But he could hear shuffling footsteps from the other side of the door so he forced his mind into blankness and just focused on the present.

In that momentary emptiness, he could feel the slight pressure of Shizuo’s feelings encroaching on his mind. His usual stoic attitude, mixed with something like protectiveness, like he was ready to go on the offensive if anything went south.

_ Just for me, ne? _

**_Obviously._ **

Coughing abruptly to hide the squeak that almost escaped him at Shizuo's mater o’ fact thoughts, Izaya quickly put on his best self-confident expression as the door swung inward to reveal a stooped Chinese man with white hair that stuck up at odd angles and a scowl on his face.

“Who are you, what do you want?” The man groused, narrowing his eyes even further than they already were. Taken aback by how forceful he seemed, Izaya took a step back, only to find Shizuo’s hand resting between his shoulderblades.

**_This is what you wanted, you are_ ** **not** **_backing down now._ **

_ Yes alright I get it… _ “Ah, hello, Witch Doctor-san,” Izaya said, though his tone faltered slightly. “I am Izaya O-”

“Yes we know who you are!” crowed a voice from inside the house. “But who is that other man with you?”

“Shut up woman!” the Chinese man barked in his gravelly voice. “Ignore her,” he told Shizuo and Izaya with a wave of his hand. “She’s completely batty.”

“I heard that!” the woman yelled back. “Don’t listen to Murra, he’s entirely useless. I’m  _ blind _ and even  _ I _ can see that.” Izaya simply felt confused, the emotion echoed by Shizuo who furrowed his brow and narrowed his eyes at the short man before them.

Grumbling under his breath, something that sounded suspiciously like  _ old crone _ , Murra looked them both over. “Izaya Orihara, eh?” he muttered, sniffing loudly before tilting his head sharply to the right as if looking at Izaya sideways would change something. “That woman said you might be dropping by… What was her name? Angry, scary, perpetually frustrated?”

“Namie-san?” Izaya asked curiously, unsure whether to be put off or amused by the man’s odd behavior.  _ This is the person who’s going to cure me? _

**_Don’t judge a book by its cover Flea,_ ** Shizuo chided him mentally. It was at that moment that Izaya realized his hand still hadn’t shifted from its spot on his back. The contact was instinctive, and Izaya couldn’t help but feel almost protected because of it.

“Ah yes, that was her name.” The man crossed his arms and huffed. “What was it? Soulmates, right?” He acted as if it was just business as usual.  _ Though if he’s a witch doctor, it probably is. _ “Yeah, that was it. Said there were some problems.” He scratched his chin as he got lost in his thoughts once again.

“Indeed there are,” Izaya agreed, trying to inject some purpose into his tone. “Now if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to talk about these matters with you in more detail. Privately if you could.”

“Not so fast,” Murra said, glaring at Shizuo suspiciously. “Who is this? You had better not just be dragging any old person off the street and into this.”

Shizuo was about to answer when from inside the woman yelled, “That’s Shizuo Heiwajima you damn fool! Pay more attention!” There was a crash and Murra hastily darted to the side to avoid the heavy looking stone that had been thrown at him.

“Shut up Isabella no one cares what you have to say!” Murra shouted back. Looking up at Shizuo, then at Izaya, he asked, “So what, enemy? Rival?” He sniffed again loudly. “No wait, friend. Temporary ally?” Then his eyes widened and he clapped his hands together. “AH! Soulmate!” Looking at Izaya, he raised an eyebrow. “So you two are soulmates, huh.”

Before Izaya could respond, Shizuo stepped forward. “Yes, we are. So whatever you’re going to talk to Izaya about, you can talk to me about it as well.” Izaya could tell from one gentle prod of Shizuo’s mind that he didn’t particularly like Murra that much. Unable to really make himself care about how protective Shizuo was being, Izaya simply nodded. After everything that had happened to him today, he could stand a little bit of overbearing.

Murra’s eyebrow hiked up even further. “And you’re trying to tell me that you’re having problems? Seriously?”

Another object crashed into the wall behind his head, this time a flowerpot. “Don’t underestimate the perpetual angst of young love!” Isabelle squawked from inside the apartment. “You always do that Murra!”

Completely ignoring the stricken look on Izaya’s face, Murra snapped back, “Oh go to hell Isabella, they’re not young, you just think they are because you’re so damn old!”

“N-no,” Izaya stammered, feeling his own shock reflected in Shizuo’s thoughts. “You see, actually, we’re not in-”

“Shut up I wasn’t talking to you!” Murra snapped irritably.

“They’re guests Murra, mind your manners!” yelled Isabella reproachfully.

“Whatever,” he groused, rolling his eyes. “Come on or something. You!” He pointed at Shizuo. “You can come too, why not? You might be useful anyway. Besides,” he glanced at Izaya. “This one wants you around.”

Shizuo looked down at Izaya, who’s cheeks dusted pink as he glared at Murra. “That’s not- I don’t-” It hadn’t even been a conscious thought but now that he mentioned it, Izaya realized just how much he’d grown attached to the idea of Shizuo sticking around. Despite this, he didn’t like how easily Murra had pulled that desire from the depths of his mind.

“Oh yes you do,” Murra said, voice mocking. “Now stop standing around outside like that, you’re letting in a draft.” Unwilling to argue with the man, Izaya followed him into the apartment. As Shizuo’s hand slipped from its position on his back, Izaya felt an odd sort of regret well up within him but then Shizuo stepped into the apartment after him and it was like his presence filled the space, soothing Izaya’s emotions naturally.

**_Don’t worry Flea, I’m right behind you,_ ** Shizuo thought, managing the mental equivalent of a bemused chuckle.

Suddenly self-conscious, Izaya thought,  _ Oh shut up Shizu-chan. _

As Murra closed and bolted the door behind them, Izaya took a moment to really appreciate the area around him. The apartment itself was crowded, filled to the brim with things that Izaya usually would have dismissed as stupid artifacts for the superstitious but here looked more  _ real _ somehow. For instance, the skull in the corner didn’t seem as fake as Izaya would have liked, nor did the eyeballs floating in a jar on the mantlepiece. 

To one side, off from the living room, the woman, Isabelle, was bent over what looked to be a smoking caldron. She had a definite European influence to her features and when she turned to look at Izaya, the Raven noted that she was indeed blind. Rolling her cloudy blue eyes as if she could see them, Isabella scoffed. “Well don’t just stare at me, sit down!”

Turning, Izaya spied the small love seat that had been placed underneath the window and wrinkled his nose distastefully. Over it were at least twenty different dream-catchers and other assorted curios that he really didn’t care to name.  _ I don’t think I want to sit there… _ Unlike Izaya however, Shizuo had no such qualms.

**_Come on Izaya,_ ** Shizuo thought, giving Izaya a sideways glance that was more amused than anything. The man was still guarded, but when it came to Izaya, Shizuo just seemed… relaxed.  **_It’s not going to kill you._ **

_ It might. _ But Izaya walked over to the couch anyways and took a tentative seat. Much less apprehensive in his movements, Shizuo sighed before sitting next to him. The close proximity to the blond did nothing to alleviate the confusion that was swirling in Izaya’s mind. Because goddamnit Izaya was tired of everything being so mixed up. Part of him wanted to run, the rest just wanted to stay next to Shizuo because next to Shizuo was comfortable. Especially in a place like this that had him on edge.

Exasperation resonated at the fringes of his mind.  **_Calm down Izaya, you’re not making any sense._ **

_ Stop reading my mind! _ Izaya barked mentally, annoyed that he couldn’t even work through his issues in the privacy of his own head.

**_Well I can’t exactly do anything about it now can I?_ **

“Both of you, stop being so conflicted!” Isabella barked from the corner. “It’s making my head all fuzzy.” Stunned by her words, Izaya’s mind snapped back into place and he simply elected to stare straight ahead.

Walking over towards them at last, Murra took a moment to pull up an old rocking chair before saying, “Okay, so I’m supposed to helping you, yeah?” He pointed a crooked finger at Izaya dubiously. “Because you’re soulmates with him.” He pointed at Shizuo, who stiffened slightly. “And you don’t like it.”

“Kids these days!” Isabella exclaimed as she threw something into her pot and it spat out a cloud of smoke at her. “So ungrateful. I tell you Murra, back in my time you were  _ thankful _ to find out you had a soulmate.”

“I was your time!” Murra snapped, impatient. “And you have a soulmate, it’s me! Go back to being senile Isabella.” Blowing out a breath, he looked at Izaya and Shizuo. “She’s got a point though, what are you even doing here? Don’t answer that!” he barked when Izaya opened his mouth to respond.

“Murra-san,” Izaya said silkily, trying to to be offput by the man. “If you wouldn’t mind, I would like it if we could focus on the topic at hand. These past few days have been rather stressful for both of us and-”

“No, it’s been stressful for you,” Murra countered, cutting Izaya off. “This one’s got it all figured out, relatively speaking. He rolls with what life throws at him like a sensible person. You on the other hand, you are just a  _ mess _ of nerves.”

“That’s what I said!”

“Isabella-”

“Don’t bother Murra, I know!”

Izaya meanwhile, cringed backwards into the sofa, hating Murra’s words. He half expected Shizuo to contradict the man but Shizuo just sort of shrugged. Well it was probably true, wasn’t it? Shizuo had always been the sort of person to ignore life’s problems simply because worrying about them was too much to think about. Now that he was able to see Shizuo’s emotions, Izaya knew how true Murra’s statement had been.

Shizuo was worried, sure, but it wasn’t about the fact they were soulmates. He was worried about Izaya, he was worried about hurting him, he was worried about what Izaya would do if this didn’t pan out but he didn’t seem to care one way or another about the fact they were soulmates.

**_What was that about not prodding around in my mind?_** Shizuo thought, though he didn’t seem upset. Instead, Izaya felt a blanket of calm wrap around him. Though he almost wanted to fight it, Izaya couldn’t help but be glad Shizuo was there.

_ I guess I’m just dealing with a lot. _

**_Yeah, we both are. Join the club._ **

“Okay, this isn’t therapy!” Murra said, clapping his hands. “You’re here because you want me to do what exactly? Because I can’t make you not soulmates, it doesn’t work that way.”

Nodding, having expected this, Izaya bravely said, “I was wondering if you could negate the symptoms we’ve been experiencing. We would be most grateful if you could.”

Murra huffed and stared at him, as if determining whether he could do what Izaya was asking. As the Witch Doctor thought, there was a soft chorus of meows from behind Izaya’s head. Startled, Izaya jerked around to find himself face to face with three wrinkled, cat-shaped creatures.  _ What the hell? _

“Those are just the cats,” Isabella informed Izaya, never turning away from her brewing pot. “Don’t be so nervous, they hardly ever bite.”

“Those look like rats,” Shizuo said aloud, one of the first things he’d said since they’d gotten there. “They’re not fucking cats.” One of the demon creatures hissed at him, as if offended. The other two slowly crawled down onto Izaya’s shoulders, shocking him into stillness.

“They’re hairless,” Murra explained offhandedly, getting to his feet and walking over to one of his bursting shelves. “Very hypoallergenic. Keep the lizards in check you know.” Mumbling over his books, hardly caring when Izaya yelped in surprise as the third cat jumped on his head, Murra finally pulled out a small bound leather book. “Don’t upset them, they’re very tetchy.”

**_You look ridiculous,_ ** Shizuo thought, snickering.

_ Well aren’t you a charmer Shizu-chan? _

The cats meowed loudly.

“So you’re dealing with multiple symptoms,” Murra began, flipping open the book and examining the pages carefully. “That has got to be the most carelessly performed Dulahan magic I have ever seen and I’ve had to undo more than one drunken curse.”

“Dulahan’s can’t get drunk Murra,” Isabelle reminded the man, sounding exasperated. They don’t have heads.”

“They’re Irish, they’re always drunk,” Murra said, waving away her correction. “So she goes and messes with your fate, throwing everything into wack and, let me guess, affecting everyone else as well? How typical.”

“Can you do something to help?” Izaya asked urgently, struggling not to move too much lest he upset the cats currently digging their claws into his flesh in an attempt to hold on. Curiously, Shizuo reached out and tried to pet one of them before getting hissed again. Looking hurt, Shizuo cautiously withdrew his hand.

“Hmm?” Murra looked up from his book before snapping it shut. “Who knows? This stuff isn’t an exact science. In fact, it’s guesswork at best.” The words didn’t do much to reassure Izaya. But then, there wasn’t much that could do that at this point. Even Shizuo couldn’t calm him down completely.

“Don't listen to him!” Isabella exclaimed, waving a bony hand. “He’s so humble but he’s the best. There's no one better at manipulating fate than him!” As opposed to making him happy, the compliment only seemed to annoy Murra more.

“You're the one who sees fate!” he snapped, tossing the book behind him carelessly. The cats followed the book’s progress with their heads. “Don’t you start with me woman-”

“So if he’s so good,” Izaya said quickly, trying to put the conversation back on track. “Then what can he do to help us?” Turning back towards them, Murra gave him a suspicious look before settling back down in his rocking chair. One of the cats meowed at him and he rolled his eyes as if to say  _ I know, I can’t make them go away either. _

“Well, isn’t that an interesting question.” Humming and steepling his fingers,  the Witch Doctor looked, not at Izaya, but at Shizuo. “You, boy! Tell me, what is your relationship with this man?”

Distracted from his attempt to befriend the cat on Izaya’s head, Shizuo looked over at the man in surprise.  **_Shit shit shit, what the hell am I supposed to say? What does he want me to say? What if I screw it up? What if-_ **

_ You stupid beast, _ Izaya chided, risking the wrath of the cats sitting on him by leaning over and nudging Shizuo’s shoulder.  _ I’m the one who’s supposed to be panicking, not you. _ Pretending like the jolt of heightened awareness the contact sent through him was just his imagination, Izaya focused on his lap like it was extremely interesting.

Clearing his throat, Shizuo said, “Well, he’s a piece of shit, but I guess he’s not so bad.” It was so honest, Izaya chuckled. The cat on his left shoulder hopped down into his lap and purred happily. Or at least, Izaya assumed it was happy. He didn’t speak demon. Acutely aware of the warm glow that came from the connection between his and Shizuo’s mind, Izaya struggled not to think about anything as Shizuo continued, “And while I didn’t expect for any of this to happen, it could have been a whole lot worse. It could have been someone other than him.”

Hating the thing in his stomach that tried to leap up at those words, Izaya struggled to just be bored. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to react to what Shizuo was saying, was  _ feeling. _ There wasn’t even an attempt at pretense, was there? Shizuo meant every word of it and if he hadn’t been able to read the man’s mind, he wouldn’t have believed a word of it. Because didn’t Shizuo hate him? Except he didn’t anymore, hell, he’d said he cared.

It certainly sounded like he did right about now. It certainly felt like it.

“Curious,” was all Murra had to say on the subject. “You on the other hand,” he continued, wagging a finger at Izaya, who was currently wondering if pushing the odd hairless cat off of his lap would be inappropriate. “You are so deadset against this and yet look at you, you’re falling apart entirely.”

Izaya would have bristled at that, but it was unfortunately true. The cat in his lap fell asleep and absently, the Raven ran his fingers over it. It was like petting leather, albeit very soft leather. “Thank you for pointing out the obvious,” Izaya muttered sourly, unwilling to look at Murra.

“But your symptoms are practically an anomaly!” Isabella called, sounding excited. “I mean we have come across  _ everything.  _ Things you just would not believe! And yet you just defy everything, it’s impressive.”

Izaya frowned. “It’s not impressive, that’s my life you’re talking about.”

“Oh shut up you don’t know squat about this,” Murra muttered, giving him a glare. “I mean do you have any idea how rare this is? Not only the most powerful possible manifestations of these symptoms but multiple compounding signs as well? Unheard of. Even powerful magic doesn’t typically do something like that.”

“So this Dulahan was more powerful than most,” Izaya said, trying to hurry the conversation along. He didn’t like how happy about his predicament these people were getting. Though he’d told himself that he’d have the patience of a saint when it came to getting this all sorted out, he was finding that to not actually be the case. “So what? All I’m asking you to do is fix it.”

“I already told you it’s not that simple,” Murra told him, wagging his finger reproachfully. “But let’s start this now, otherwise we’ll be here all day with how obstinate the two of you are.”

Izaya and Shizuo looked at each other and then looked at Murra incredulously.  **_I’m pretty sure he was the one being…_ **

_ Congratulations Shizu-chan, you earn a cookie for your astute observations. _

The cat on Izaya’s head meowed before it’s paws slipped through raven hair. Suddenly finding himself with a faceful of cat, Izaya spluttered before Shizuo rescued him by deftly catching the hairless monstrosity. It bit the blond man’s thumb before discovering that Shizuo didn’t care, then it proceeded to purr loudly, as if it was an angel and not a devil in disguise.

Walking forward, Murra looked at the ground and spun around in a circle aimlessly before making a happy cackling sound and stooping to pick something up. It was only once he straightened that Izaya saw what he was holding. “W-how did you?” 

“I’m a Witch Doctor, remember?” Murra said, holding up Izaya and Shizuo’s string of fate so he could examine it in the hazy golden light streaming through the window. As he held it, the glow of the string seemed to dim considerably. “You put a lot of strain on this thing, didn’t you?” he mused, grasping the thing firmly before testing its tensile strength. “What, did one of you fall off a building or something?”

“Bridge Murra, stop being such an idiot!” Isabella corrected, irritable. “I already told you that, you’re a damn fool.”

“How are you able to see that?” Shizuo asked, sounding confused. The cat in his arms rolled about happily before it managed to sink its claws into the front of his vest. “How did you know Izaya fell off the bridge?”

“I can see past present and future darling,” Isabella informed Shizuo reproachfully. “Really, you ought to know by now that if we don’t know everything we’re surprisingly good at faking it.”

**_These people are crazy…_ **

_ Mmm, join the club Shizu-chan… _

“Surprising it didn’t snap,” Murra said at last, dropping the string of fate haphazardly. “Those things do have a limit you know. If you two disliked each other as much as you used to claim, it wouldn’t have been able to hold up. It’s official, you two are the dumbest people to have ever walked through that door and I have dealt with some  _ stupid _ people.”

“Murra the only stupid one in this room is you,” Isabella snapped.

“Dammit woman, you're not helping!” Murra groused.

Meanwhile, Izaya sat there in stunned silence. Okay, he got what the man was saying at least partially. Shizuo  _ didn’t _ hate him anymore, hadn’t been actively trying to hurt him for several days now. But Izaya, well, he had  _ definitely _ hated Shizuo when he was about to be yanked out of his apartment window, right?

Though he wanted to just write it off as insanity, the more he thought about it, the more insistent those ideas started to become. Because when had he ever  _ really _ hated Shizuo? Izaya had kept saying that the easiest thing would be to just revert to their usual mindless hatred but it had never been mindless hatred. Hell, it hadn’t even really been a rivalry for him. It had been a game, it had been relaxing. And he’d meant it when he told Shizuo that he’d looked forward to seeing him every day.

_ So what are we? _

_ God, we’re just one big mistake, aren’t we? _

Izaya nearly jolted out of his skin when Shizuo’s knee brushed against this thigh and then stayed there, just lightly making contact with him.  **_We’re soulmates, right? Isn’t that what all this shit is about?_ ** Shizuo’s thoughts sounded so bitter and conflicted, Izaya had to reach out and prod at his mind. All he found however was an overwhelming knot of confusion and turmoil that just gave him a headache.

Retreating mentally, Izaya stared up at Shizuo, unable to help the horrible, broken feeling that Shizuo had suddenly started emanating from filling him as well.  _ Stupid Shizu-chan, don’t do this to me. What happened to communication, ne? _ He didn’t understand why Shizuo was so upset, didn’t get why this had to be so complicated. So he cared about Izaya, so what? It was clearly just a result of this whole problem, right?  _ Come on Shizu-chan, you know that none of this means anything, right? It was just a fluke. _

The cat still poised on Izaya’s shoulder suddenly lunged out across the divide between Shizuo and Izaya. Keeping it’s back claws hooked in Izaya’s coat, the cat managed to get a grip on Shizuo’s shoulder and then proceeded to dangle suspended between them pathetically, comically angled upwards due to the difference between them. With a grunt, Shizuo shifted closer to Izaya until their shoulders were pressed up against each other.

Completely ignoring the clear emotional conflict going on inside both of the men, the happy hairless cat settled down for a nap, butt on Izaya’s shoulder, forequarters on Shizuo’s shoulder.  _ Well at least one of us is happy... _

“And just look at your telepathy!” Murra exclaimed, startling Izaya and Shizuo out of their microcosm of emotional suffering. “I mean I’ve seen some pretty freaky stuff but you two, you have something scary.” Waving his hand absently, Murra started pacing. “Most people get a sort of radio in their heads. It’s unreliable at best. A few emotions here, a few thoughts there. The really really powerful stuff gets through, you know how it is. But here!” He clapped suddenly, startling the cat on Izaya’s lap, which meowed plaintively. “You’re just getting the unabridged version, aren’t you?”

“Oh Murra, you know they aren’t listening to you anymore, right?” Isabella yelled over the horrendous belching sound her caldron made. “They’re too caught up in their own emotional problems. Let them go back to making everyone all sad inside, you’re ruining the moment.”

“The only moment being ruined is a moment where you weren’t making any noise!” Murra squawked back. “They can sort out their problems later or something, right now, we’re trying to make progress!”

“Yes!” Izaya said, seizing on that word. It gave him a distraction from the horrible tension building between him and Shizuo, made all the more apparent by their close contact.  _ Damn cat. _ “Progress is a very good thing. So now that we’ve rehashed how screwed over Shizu-chan and I am, let’s do something about it.”

“Yes, that’s what we were going to do!” Murra exclaimed, as if just now remembering. “Because that’s productive even though it literally isn’t. So what you want me to do is cover up these pesky little symptoms, hmm?”

“Yes,” Izaya repeated, nodding fervently, trying to ignore the pang he felt in his heart at the soft sigh Shizuo let out. He could sense the feelings of resignation pricking at his conscious and he hated it because once this was all over, it really would be goodbye. Because he didn’t want to have to deal with this, the horrible confusion Shizuo brought.

“I’d tell you to stay away from each other after this is over,” Murra started, hobbling over to where his wife was. “But that would be pointless, seeing as you two are already dead set on cutting off all contact for your own equally selfish reasons. It’s rather pathetic to be honest.”

The knowledge that Shizuo wanted nothing more to do with him after all of this did nothing to still the awful rolling of Izaya’s stomach.  _ I should be happy about this! _

**_You’re a fucking bastard for thinking like that._ **

Well that just hurt…

_ Shut up! You knew this was coming, you know how I feel about this! _ Izaya shot back, his hands tightening into white knuckled fists.  _ I’ve never been happy about our arrangement and you were fine with solving it until- _

**_I AM FINE!_ ** Shizuo roared mentally, making Izaya flinch horribly. All three cats turned their heads to glare at him.  **_I’m happy that you’re going to be alright, got that! I’m not upset about that and I’m sorry that I keep on hurting you._ ** Izaya started to wish Shizuo would just  _ stop _ thinking but it was like the man was determined to say it now while he still could. **_You deserve to get away from this, you deserve to be happy. And yeah, I don’t want to see you again after this is all over so it doesn’t even matter how I feel right? You’re going to forget about me and I’m going to forget about you and we’re going to just get on with our lives after this is done._ **

Floored by Shizuo’s outpouring of emotions that seemed to have just built up out of nowhere, Izaya struggled to draw breath. What had happened to the man who had been so adamant in saying that he cared? What had happened to the person who had been so quick to save him, so quick to give comfort? Why was Shizuo suddenly so angry?

_ It’s because of me, isn’t it...  _

It was because Shizuo cared so much, and Izaya just… didn’t.

_ Except I do. _

**_You don’t get to say that now._ **

“Okay, enough angst, I’m getting a headache!” Isabella announced, throwing her hands in the air and nearly hitting Murra in the jaw. “You two are going to kill everyone so just shut up for one moment and stop acting like teenagers.”

“Well in a moment they’ll be fine so then they’ll stop complaining now won’t they?” Murra groused, reaching a hand down into the caldron. Fishing around for a moment, he withdrew what looked to Izaya like pure white smoke, it’s color untouched by the golden hues of the rest of his surroundings.

“You’re just going to make it worse I tell you!” Isabella called after him as he trudged back towards Izaya and Shizuo, who had both relapsed into terse, painful silence.

As he pulled and prodded at the white cloud, Murra rolled his eyes. “Oh shut up you old hag, you know full well that this is what I do. I’m not in the business of getting people together. That was your job till you got too decrepit to do it.” Shaking his head, he refocused his attention on Shizuo and Izaya.

“So usually I’d just do this on one person but since you’re both here, let’s give it the opportunity to be twice as effective.” Murra cupped the white smoke in his hands and muttered something under his breath that sounded like gibberish. Disturbingly, the smoke started to glow. To Izaya, it looked like the same glow that surrounded Shizuo, bright, hard to look at.

Beautiful.

“Okay, both of you are going to need to close your eyes,” Murra informed them, walking up to the couch. “This should do the trick though I can’t make any guarantees.” He shrugged. “I can however say I have a ninety-nine percent approval rating on Yelp so I mean, your chances are pretty good.”

Shizuo leaned away apprehensively from the glowing smoke. “Why the hell is that shit glowing like the fucking Flea?” The return of that biting name made Izaya want to curl up on himself.  _ Pathetic, I’m being pathetic… _

“Good!” Isabella called. “I’m glad my skills haven’t grown too rusty.”

“Just close your eyes!” Murra barked. “Let’s see if we can fix this mess.” 

Quickly, Shizuo shut his eyes, almost like he was eager to get this over with.  _ Eager to be rid of me? _ Feeling miserable, Izaya shut his eyes and huddled up in the corner of his mind, away from Shizuo’s thoughts and emotions. But he could still hear the man’s voice, echoing through his brain like it was coming from the end of a bad phone connection.

**_Damnit, that’s not true! You of all people should know that’s not true…_ **

Before Izaya could even begin to react to those bitter thoughts, Murra announced, “Okay! This is probably going to make everything get a little hazy.” Then something as cold as ice was dragged over Izaya’s closed eyelids and everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, such angst, much sad, wow.
> 
> Next chapter will have some Delicious (And when I say delicious I mean more meh) Namirona, my second favorite ship. YOU CAN'T STOP ME JUST YOU TRY!
> 
> It will also have more angs- I mean whaaaaaaa You heard nothing!
> 
> Shhh, Kanra, don't listen to the author's notes, they don't mean anything!


	10. The Affections Held For The Radios In Our Heads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Namie learns that she likes Russian accents and Shizuo decides that he _hates_ Witch Doctors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? A Chapter?
> 
> Surprise! Happy first of October! I finished this mostly for Kanra but I guess the rest of you can enjoy it to... 
> 
> I'm kidding! Namirona for everyone! Adorableness for all. I'm in a dopey mood, talking to Kanra does that to me. Also I have a fever so I'm delirious~
> 
> ENJOY!

You know that feeling you get when you already know something bad is going to happen and you’re dreading it because you really really don’t want it to happen, but at the same time you wish the world could just  _ get on with it  _ already because the stress is killing you?

Well, that was about where Namie was at that moment.

Currently she was holled up in Izaya’s Ikebukuro apartment, staring at the piles of notes she’d collected while burying her fingers in her long brown hair. It was a sign of stress she didn’t commonly show. Usually, she liked to appear pulled together, leaving the volatile mood swings to her employer.

She’d been elated that morning after talking to Murra the Witch Doctor, but after talking to Shinra, her enthusiasm was somewhat lacking. He’d been pretty clear about what he thought Izaya’s chances were with the Witch Doctor. Despite how little Namie trusted Shinra, she knew that he knew what he was talking about.  _ So I sent Izaya on a pointless trip that’s only going to result in further disappointment, this is just  _ peachy.

But that was fine, right? She’d be just fine.

_ If this doesn’t work though, the problem’s only going to get bigger. _ And now Namie had to face the fact that at some point, she could get looped into this crazy as well in a much more alarming way.  _ That’s stupid, I don’t have a soulmate. Izaya and Shizuo, that I can understand. Me and someone else, no. _

Namie didn’t have time for a soulmate. Besides, she reasoned, if she’d had one, it would have already shown. After all, if she was tied to Izaya by strings of fate, wouldn’t those strings be pretty strong at this point?  _ Ah, what twisted webs we weave… _ A tired and rueful smile crept over the woman’s lips at the thought.

It was at that moment that her phone rang.

At first Namie ignored it. Her head was already too full to deal with yet another phone call, another person who needed something done. But after a moment more of procrastination, Namie sighed and grabbed for her phone from across the old table.

Without even looking down, Namie put it on speaker phone. “Yagiri Namie speaking, what can I do for you?”

_ “Namie, yes wonderful, I wasn’t sure you’d pick up. Not that you wouldn’t seeing as that would be stupid.” _ At the sound of that voice, Namie sat bolt upright.  _ Oh shit, Murra… _

“Murra-san,” Namie said slowly, staring straight ahead, her body ridgid. “Dare I ask why you are calling me? I do believe we already sorted everything o-”

_ “See here’s the thing,” _ There was the sound of someone yelling in the background, followed by Murra’s yell to  _ shut the hell up you old hag! _ Namie decided she had better things to do than question it.  _ “I got a feel for what I was looking at, worked some magic and… Well…” _

Gritting her teeth together, Namie pushed out in a falsely calm voice, “What?”

_ “Well, they’re both unconscious.” _

Taking a moment to unpack that loaded statement, Namie put a hand to her temple. “Okay, back up, both? Who else is there, I though I just sent Izaya.”

_ “His soulmate tagged along. Or rather forced Izaya to let him come. Probably the second one.” _

Someone in the background yelled “ _ It’s neither you fool!” _

Letting that information sink in, Namie just listened as Murra recounted,  _ “He’s so wonderfully honest, why couldn’t Izaya be more like him? Your idiot is just a mess.” _

“He’s not my idiot,” Namie corrected sharply, disliking the idea of having any sort of responsibility for Izaya. Or at least, any more responsibility than had already been foisted upon her. “He’s Heiwajima idiot. I don’t want him.”

_ “Who would?” _ The voice in the background screeched again. “ _ He’s just a bundle of angst!” _ Whoever was talking, Namie had to agree with them. But she had a duty to her employer to figure out what the hell was going on so she decided to do her job.

“What does that mean, them both being unconscious?” Namie asked slowly, praying that it wasn’t actually, as she suspected, some terrible sign of everything failing and going to shit. “You’re calling me so I have to assume it’s bad.”

_ “That is an understatement!” _ Murra said joyfully, as if Namie’s and Izaya’s collective suffering was the best thing he’d seen all day.  _ “It’s simply terrible, but there’s nothing you can do so I decided to call. You should probably prepare yourself mentally.” _

“Just tell me what the hell is going on!” Namie snapped, unable to keep herself from burying her fingers in her hair in frustration. “Is Izaya okay?”

_ “Oh he’ll live. He’s just unconscious,” _ Murra reassured her, though it didn’t sound particularly comforting.  _ “I’m just saying, the magic didn’t work. If it had, he’d just be strung out, not out period.” _

“That is just so relieving,” Namie deadpanned while inside she groaned.  _ God, now I’ve got to find something else, shit. I thought I had this one. Damnit! _ “I’m glad he’s not dead. I’m simply a little irritated. You said it would work.”

_ “Ah but you underestimate the power of their bond,” _ Murra pointed out as if she should have known this from the beginning.  _ “This sort of thing does not simply vanish Namie, not when it’s this bad.” _

“What the hell is that even supposed to mean?” Namie barked, unable to stand Murra’s rambling way of speech for a moment longer. “So it didn’t work, so what? I’m just back to square one.”

_ “That would be nice, but there will be repercussions after my meddling. It’s only natural. Fate and Karma are friends Namie, they like to go hand in hand.” _ As if he were deliberately trying to wind her up further, Murra hummed delightedly.  _ “Of course they’ll have a bit of a breather, fate is not always cruel, but I would give up while you can.” _

Ignoring the second part of Murra’s statement, Namie softly ground out, “Okay, so what exactly are these repercussions?”

_ “Another symptom will likely appear within the next twenty-four hours and I have little doubt that it will be a powerful one. The fluctuations messing about in his soul are too great to have any other effect.” _ Murra took a breath before adding,  _ “Oh yes, and you should really be ready for the worst.” _

“Wait, what?” Namie demanded, clutching at her phone tightly as if she could wring this irritating Witch Doctor’s neck through it.  _ God, I’m acting like Izaya’s boyfriend. _ Forcing herself to loosen her grip on the unassuming electronic device, Namie took several deep breaths. “Please Murra-san, I wish to know what exactly you meant by me getting ready for the worst.”

_ “I’d expect a symptom to show up any moment now,” _ Murra commented as if this was routine.  _ “Your life is about to become very hard Namie, but trust me, you’ll get through it in one piece. Izaya, eh, debatable.” _

“Y-you mean  _ I _ have a soulmate?” Namie managed, before laughing weakly. “Now you see Murra-san, that’s a good one. But you’re wrong. I don’t have a soulmate and I never will.” She said it with such conviction, she almost believed in herself.  _ He’s just trying to trick me into thinking things are falling apart, I won’t let that happen. _

_ “While your denial was expected, I’m disappointed in you Namie,”  _ Murra said with a sigh.  _ “You’ll find her quite agreeable I’m sure, definitely not the type to manipulate you or throw a vending machine at your face. Consider yourself lucky.” _

Namie was about to open her mouth to protest but in the end, she couldn’t help but find herself agreeing with this much.  _ No one can be quite as horrible as Izaya and probably Shizuo. _ But she had a soulmate and suddenly, any sense of calm was shattered. 

“Lucky?” Namie’s laugh sounded strangled. “No, you see this is the opposite of lucky. This is actually pretty horrible  _ why are you even telling me this at all??!” _ Taking several short breaths that were supposed to be deep and calming but in reality only left her more stressed, Namie muttered, “You have to be wrong.”

_ “Ahah, nope, never been wrong before,” _ Murra said jovially.  _ “Not since Eighty-Three and you really can’t blame me for that one, Isabella had the sniffles.”  _ Completely ignoring Namie’s stunned silence.  _ “So excluding  _ that _ disaster, yes, I am absolutely certain you have a soulmate. Don’t panic though, that tends to exacerbate the problems.” _

_Oh hell,_ Namie thought weakly. _I knew I shouldn’t have helped that bastard. This’ll teach me to be soft._ _It’s okay, just remain calm, just stay calm-_ “I thought you were supposed to be the one maKING THESE THINGS STOP!” she shrieked, unable to stop herself. “YOU _SAID_ THAT THIS WOULD ALL BE OVER!”

Murra tutted at her as if he were in a position to do so.  _ “Now now young lady,”  _ he chided reprovingly, his tone level, if still maniacal.  _ “I said there was a high probability of it all being over. I can’t guarantee anything.” _ There was a loud, long meow from the other end of the line.  _ “No Feathers, go bother Isabella!” _

“CAN YOU STOP ARguing with your bloody CAT and pay attention!” Namie demanded, getting to her feet so she could pace over the tiny kitchen. Modulating her voice and almost succeeding in doing the same with her breathing, Namie continued, “So I, apparently, because I’m suck in this godforsaken world and also happen to work with that bastard Izaya, have a soulmate. And  _ she, _ you did say she didn’t you?” The secretary decided to worry about this small detail later. “Is not as bad as Izaya or his wonderful _ ‘oh Namie-san, don’t be ridiculous, I hate him, there’s no way we’d ever date’. _ Am I getting this right?”

_ “Pretty much,”  _ Murra agreed cheerfully, as though he was somehow beginning to enjoy this.  _ “Now I’m going to hand the phone over to Isabella because I need to make sure these two aren’t dying. Gil and Munk don’t seem to think they’re dead but then, they’ve been wrong before!” _ Before Namie could say anything to this, another voice came crackling through the speakers.

_ “You’re panic and fear is transferring through the cell signal, calm down,”  _ complained the voice of Isabella, presumably.  _ “I’ve heard falling in love is completely normal, not that I would know of course.” _

_ “Shut up hag, you were head over heals for me!” _ Murra yelled, the phone picking up his voice. Namie just kneaded her temples with her free hand and took steadying breaths.  _ This can’t be happening, I don’t need this. _

“Excuse me, if you could pause your matrimonial discord for a moment,” Namie began, her voice strained. “Isabella, please, what  _ exactly _ is going to happen?” Nevermind that she’d rather believe that it was all a load of horse crap, Namie knew better than to disregard this sort of thing. Look at what had happened to Izaya after all…

_ “Finally, some manners.”  _ Isabella sounded pleased.  _ “Now that we can have a civil conversation, you want to know exactly what’s about to happen? Well, it’s not going to be even half as bad as what’s happening to Izaya here. You’ll only have one symptom, though it will likely be something annoying. Thankfully, you should know within the next half hour.” _

Absorbing the information and stowing it away so she could freak out later, Namie carefully asked, “What can I do about it? Or is there nothing to do but just accept it.” She didn’t want a soulmate, didn’t even know how someone like her could have one but if push came to shove… Namie groaned internally. No, she was kidding herself, she didn’t want to have to deal with this.

_ “I heard that!”  _ Isabella crowed.  _ “You can try and do the same thing the idiot you set to us tried to do but I already know you don’t want to risk it.” _ Namie blanched because that had been exactly what she was thinking of. Before her mind could even begin to go down another path, Isabella made a loud sound.  _ “And don’t even bother trying to find something else because you know as well as I do we’re the only ones.” _

Frustrated with how easily this woman apparently read minds, Namie growled, “So what do I do then? Just let it happen? Put my life on hold while I run around, trying to find my soulmate?” The thought alone made her grind her teeth in annoyance. She didn’t have time for that, nor did she have the patience.

_ “Oh you won’t have to,” _ the old woman reassured, her tone bright like she was happy to be handing to Namie what felt like a death sentence.  _ “Trust me, she’ll find you just fine. And what you choose to do is up to you. If constant denial is your thing have at it.” _

“But…” Namie prompted, sensing the unfinished nature of the sentence.  _ Yup, why not make it worse for myself… _

_ “But you won’t, because fate doesn’t hate you as much as your friends over here,” _ Isabella told her, as if this were supposed to be comforting.  _ “It’ll all turn out fine, or it won’t! Far be it from me to tell you how best not to screw up horri- MURRA I’M THIS CLOSE TO KILLING YOU, DON’T DO THAT!” _

_ “YOU CAN’T EVEN SEE ME WOMAN!” _ Deciding that she’d gotten all the useful information she could out of the two, Namie simply hung up. Exhausted, both physically and mentally at this point, the woman simply slipped the phone into her pocket before letting out something that sounded like a laugh and a sob.

After everything that she’d done, after how much she’d gone through simply to do the right thing and not laugh as Izaya was entirely destroyed by his own bad luck and sheer fate, Namie had been taken down by the same problem.  _ I’m not supposed to be dealing with this, this isn’t supposed to happen to me… _

But no, instead there was a girl somewhere in Ikebukuro or the surrounding area that just so happened to be her soulmate. Namie took a moment to think about the fact that it was in fact a woman she was bonded to and not a man before deciding she didn’t care. She’d only ever been attracted to one person in her life and that had ended in unmitigated disaster and eternal embarrassment. Even if she had been oppressively straight, this would have still been a step up.

_ So at some point in the future, I’m probably either going to have an unsolvable problem or a girlfriend. Oh this is so not the time for this… _ Because whether or not she really wanted a relationship was besides the point, heck, it wasn’t even a point she’d thought through in the last  _ year, _ Namie just didn’t have time! She still had Izaya’s issues to think about, plus the rest of the city, which was also collectively losing its goddamned mind.

And all that aside, what would a relationship like that entail because Namie sure as heck didn’t need someone showering her with roses.  _ God, it’s probably some intolerable ditz who I’m going to despise. _ If it was possible to despise your soulmate, thus far Namie hadn’t exactly had the best selection of role models. Izaya claimed he hated Shizuo but honestly, who believed them anymore?

But returning to the original problem, Namie was screwed.

And just like that she was back to panicking!

_ I have a soulmate, this is just peachy! I’m so screwed. I’m so entirely and totally and completely- _

**_Hold on, remain calm, is probably not so bad._ **

Unsure why her own mental dialogue now sounded Russian but entirely willing to believe it was a symptom of working around crazy for so long, Namie prayed for more patience or possibly just a swift and painless death.  _ Yes it is that bad, _ she thought tiredly, not even caring how useless arguing with herself was.  _ I have a soulmate. _

**_Ah, soulmate! Though familiar in part, perhaps it could be explained a bit better._ **

Well, she had to agree with herself, thinking it through logically again would probably help.  _ So it’s like this, _ she thought, resisting the urge to say it out loud because come on, she wasn’t that insane yet. _ Having a soulmate really just means you have an intense bond with a single person. Most people would call it chemistry or a spark, but it’s actually just fate. _

**_Just fate,_ ** Namie’s mind agreed, still with that Russian accent because apparently why the hell not?  **_But connection is singular to potential relationship._ **

_ More like inevitable relationship or otherwise, lots and lots of pain and agony. At least, that’s what I’ve heard. _ But as she thought it, Namie felt herself calm down because this whole soulmate epidemic was proof enough that plenty of people had the same problem and never suffered once. Apparently, going entirely insane and talking to oneself had its benefits.

**_So if one has soulmate, one would manifest signs?_ ** Namie nodded along to the question, almost managing a smile. Man, for a voice in her head, that oddly stilted japanese was adorable.

_ Yeah, _ she agreed, feeling her body loosen as she continued to think it out.  _ Signs. Symptoms if you will. Different things that that connection causes to help point you in the right direction. Usually, both soulmates will show the sign simultaneously. _ Like everything that had happened to Izaya, most of which was still stressing Namie out.  _ No, don’t think about it! _

**_Does no good to stress over irritating man. He has Shizuo-senpai guarding over any less than optimal decisions._ ** Well, Namie couldn’t argue with herself there. It did confuse her to hear her own mind refer to Shizuo as  _ Shizuo-senpai _ but she wasn’t going to question it. Besides, she was tired of stressing over Izaya constantly. What happened had already happened and whatever was going to happen wasn’t going to not happen because she worried about it.

_ Sorry, _ Namie thought, never once questioning the sanity of apologizing to herself.  _ Izaya’s the one who started all this. I was just trying to help him but I guess it all backfired in the end. _ Feeling yet another headache coming on, Namie sighed.  _ That’ll teach me to play good Samaritan. _

**_Actions were admirable, unfortunately, world is not kind,_ ** that Russian voice comforted. Namie wondered briefly why she couldn’t have always had an understanding Russian narrating her thoughts. It was definitely a lot better than her usual fatalistic inner dialogue.  **_But returning to soulmates…_ **

_Oh yeah, symptoms, right._ Closing her eyes and leaning against the counter, Namie took a deep breath, despite not having said a word of this aloud, and continued. _So there are lots of these signs to tell if you’re soulmates with someone. Some are more powerful than others though. The less intrusive ones are things like your watch freezing at the moment you meet your soulmate or finding their name written in glowing letters on your wrist._

**_But others possess potential danger plus undeniable inconvenience._ ** Namie smiled ruefully at that, remembering Izaya’s panicked yells that Shizuo had almost pulled him off a building.  **_Because Namie is having soulmate, chance for negative consequences is present._ **

_ Yeah, pretty much, _ Namie agreed tiredly with herself, even as she felt her heart finally return to normal.

**_Except possibly, nothing bad will occur?_ ** That brought Namie’s head up because if she was being honest with herself, she’d been thinking worst case scenario since she’d received the news of her soulmate. But the voice in her head was right, chances were it wasn’t going to be that bad. Sure she had a lot to deal with and not much time to go talking to her  _ one true love _ but that didn’t mean she was going to suffer for it.

_ That’s a fair point actually. Most soulmate cases don’t turn out like Izaya’s and Shizuo’s. And I’m only going to get one symptom. Heck, I even know what it is already. _ Her spirits kept rising as she thought it through.  _ So already all the things that make other situations so nerve-wracking are things I don’t even have to deal with! _

Proudly, almost as if something great had been accomplished, the Russian voice purred,  **_I am much pleased, was worried you would remain in turmoil. Is calm not better?_ ** Laughing despite herself, Namie bowed her head.

_ It’s a lot better. _

**_Excellent, is good that radio in my head is happy. Would have been most unfortunate to have a panicked radio, does not make for happy existence._ **

Namie’s blood froze and her mouth dropped open as the dawning realization hit her like a tank.

_ Oh shit. _

**_But wait,_ ** that voice that Namie was forced to admit  _ didn’t make any fucking sense to be in her brain _ echoed in confusion.  **_Was calm mere moments ago. Is Namie radio distressed for separate reason?_ **

_ Oh  _ shit.

**_Please, let us not return to panic, it increases volume by magnitudes. A headache will be inevitable unless peace is achieved._ **

_ Oh SHIT! _

Namie’s heart sped up until it started to hurt because  _ shit shit shit _ that woman had as good as  _ told _ her that she’d be cursed with mind reading and that kind of thing  _ happened to work both ways _ and oh yeah, what had she said about it being worse with stress? Frantically, Namie ran back to her computer and tried to access her files on this symptom even though her hands were shaking.

**_What is wrong?_ ** The loud voice of god knew who echoed in Namie’s brain, making her head flair up in pain.  **_Must stop panicking, is causing me much concern. Please, what is at issue here?_ **

_ We’re soulmates. _ The thought was a weak one but it was all Namie could muster. Drawing her hands back away from the keyboard, the woman shook her head and let out a soft, disbelieving laugh.  _ We’re  _ soulmates. _ Do you understand what that means? We. Are- _

**_Soulmates?_ ** The Russian woman on the other end of the bond that Namie was forced to accept existed sounded confused.  **_Is not possible._ **

_ Oh you had better fucking believe it, _ Namie thought, her mind strengthening as the fear was replaced with something approaching frustration at the universe.  _ We’re soulmates and I don’t have any time for this because I have things to do. But we can’t change it so you had better get used to it. _ Glaring at her computer screen like it had personally wronged her, Namie forced her hands to steady.

**_I did not realize being soulmates with radio in head was possible._ **

Namie’s mouth dropped open for the second time in as many minutes before she snapped it shut and decided to roll with it.  _ You know what, yes, I am the radio in your head. You can call me Namie or something.  _ She’d put the woman straight once she’d dealt with the rest of the world’s problems. Or possibly found a solution for her own.

**_Hello Namie, is pleasing to make acquaintance. I am Vorona. I have never spoken with radios before._ ** If she’d had more space to think about it, Namie might have thought about how goddamned  _ adorable _ that slightly clueless yet ever so stoic voice was. But she had more important things to do, including possible damage control after what happened with Izaya had been messed up and just generally figuring out what the hell to do next. She could think about the voice in her head later.

“Vorona,” Namie said aloud, only just barely sparing the brain power to realize that this was the name of the person she was fated to be with for the rest of her life.  _ It’s nice to meet you Vorona. _

Damnit, she needed more than a pay raise for all this, she needed a vacation.

~•~

Shizuo’s head  _ hurt. _

The last thing he remembered was some cold shit that glowed like Izaya being smeared on his eyes before everything went hazy.  _ Shit, shit shit shit, that was to make us not soulmates anymore, wasn’t it. Fuck, FUCK! _ Resisting the urge to hit something, Shizuo tried to peel his eyes open. He failed.

_ So it worked, didn’t it? I don’t hear Izaya… _ Except he couldn’t see the man either and more importantly than actually figuring out what the hell was going on, he wanted to make sure Izaya was okay. He tried to hear Izaya’s breathing but all that was audible was an intense ringing in his ears.

And then all he could think about was the last thought he’d heard from Izaya.  _ Eager to be rid of me? _ It hurt because even though Shizuo currently felt like his limbs were made of lead, like his eyes were glued shut and like his ears were turned off, all he wanted was to make sure Izaya was okay. Because it took everything ending for Shizuo to realize how much he  _ didn’t _ want it to stop. 

Fuck, he  _ wanted _ Izaya to stay his soulmate, if only so they’d have to stick around each other. He didn’t want to have to deal with never seeing Izaya again. The thought hurt and Shizuo wasn’t even completely sure why. He cared far too much and now he was being forced to wonder if it was more than just simple concern for Izaya’s well being.  _ This is better for him. _ And even though the thought hurt, Shizuo clung to it.

Expending more effort than he probably had before in his life, Shizuo dragged open his eyes. Instantly he was met with a face full of cat. As if trying to help, the hairless monstrosity, who currently had its claws hooked into the front of his uniform, licked at his eyes. Oddly enough, the horrible scratching feeling seemed to free up the thing that had been keeping him from opening his eyes previously.

“gOOd!” That annoying voice was Murra’s. “Finally, you’ve woken up. And here I thought it would take forever.” Carefully pushing the cat off of him, Shizuo looked at the man.

And realized that not only was everything still bright red, but Izaya was laying over the arm of the couch, body tensed and eyes rolled back in his head till only the whites were visible. Sweat was visible on his brow and now that he was paying attention, Shizuo could feel Izaya’s body shaking. Despite this, the man didn’t move, like he was frozen in agony. 

Though it might have been redundant, Shizuo saw red.

“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HIM?!” Shizuo surged off the couch and had Murra pinned to his wall by the neck in less than a second. Bric a brac and junk galore fell around them, making an unholy din that did nothing to compare to the roaring in Shizuo’s head. The more he woke up, the more conscious on the muffled screams on the fringes of his mind Shizuo became.  _ Izaya’s in pain, he’s in pain and it’s the fault of this piece of shit! _

“Now now, don’t get your panties in a twi-” Shizuo didn’t let the man finish, he just slammed him against the wall again. They’d come to get fucking fixed but nothing, as far as Shizuo could tell, had chanced. Except for Izaya who looked like a fucking torture victim. “Oh hey,” Murra mumbled, his eyes looking a little unfocused. “That hurt.”

“DAMN RIGHT IT DID,” Shizuo thundered, his blood pumping so hard he almost couldn’t hear anything else. “FUCKING FIX HIM!” 

Though he was likely suffering from a concussion at this point, Murra held up his hands. “Don’t be so unreasonable Shizuo, there’s nothing I can do!” Shizuo wanted so bad to just crush the man’s windpipe right then and there. If he couldn’t do anything to help Izaya, then why fucking not, huh?

“HE’S IN PAIN!”

“AND HE WILL KEEP BEING IN PAIN UNTIL YOU CALM DOWN AND STOP STRANGLING MY HUSBAND!” At that shriek, Shizuo actually paused. Fury and terror and  _ pain _ was still coursing through his system but he still managed to turn his head to find Isabella standing in front of him waving a melted spatula. “IS WHAT I’M SAYING GETTING THROUGH TO THAT NEANDERTHAL BRAIN OF YOURS?”

Breathing heavily, smoke almost literally coming out of his nose, Shizuo stared at the woman, still not putting Murra down. “Make. Izaya. Stop.  _ Hurting,” _ he demanded in a murderous voice. Almost like he really was the monster Izaya had always made him out to be. “Make him  _ fucking  _ wake up, right fucking  _ now!” _

“The only reason he’s in that state is because of you!” Isabella snapped. Those words, uttered in such a cold and furious and above all  _ certain _ tone almost stopped Shizuo’s heart.  _ Fuck.  _ Without it even managing to be a conscious decision, Shizuo let go of Murra. The battered man fell to the floor where he lay retching among his fallen trinkets.

“There, that wasn’t so hard,” Isabella commented. “The only reason that boy is in so much pain is because you and your skill at hurting him, inside and out, managed to make the process painful.” She shrugged at that point and tapped her arm with her spatula. “Well, that and he’s rejecting the magic.”

“So it was your fault!” Shizuo growled, attempting to ignore the guilt tearing him apart from inside because  _ fuck, _ she was right, when had he ever done anything but hurt Izaya? “You’re shitty Witch Doctor crap fucked him up!”

“Oh calm down!” she demanded, her craggy face screwed up in a scowl. “Look, he’s doing better already.” And, true enough, when Shizuo turned around, he found that Izaya's body had relaxed and his eyes had closed properly. There was still muffled whimpers of pain at the fringes of Shizuo's mind, but Isabella was right, he was no longer in agony. “See, he’s fine. If you’d just not flip every single time he sniffles, we’d be doing a whole lot better.”

Torn between taking his frustration out on the wall, yelling at the Witch Doctors some more and running to Izaya, Shizuo just stood there, still furious. “I’m not-”

“Oh yes you are!” Tottering over to where Murra was still recuperating on the floor, Isabella said, “You see you old bird-brain, this is why you don’t antagonize the strong ones.”

“I didn’t antagonize him you witch,” Murra hacked out. “I told him the truth and you’re an idiot if you think this is my fault. He’s the one who lost it just because his soulmate was in a little agony.”

_ A little fucking- _ Shizuo took a calming breath. “When is he going to wake up?” he demanded, finally drawing the attention of the two Witch Doctors once more. Reaching out for Izaya’s mind, Shizuo was at least partially relieved to find that he was no longer in pain. That being said, the Blond could physically see the tremors still wracking his body. “When is he going to stop fucking shaking?”

“Eh, a few minutes, give or take an hour,” Isabella assured him. “But I’ve got to warn you boy, nothing has changed. If anything, your symptoms are going to get worse. A lot worse.” Closing her milky eyes, the woman leaned back against the fireplace next to Murra. “And I don’t think you’re ready for it.”

Feeling his stomach drop, if only for Izaya’s sake, Shizuo clenched his fists. “You mean there are going to be more symptoms.”  _ God, Izaya’s going to freak out. _ Shizuo knew it was true, Izaya wanted nothing more to do with Shizuo, had thought that he was getting out of this unscathed, but he wasn’t.  _ Fuck, I feel responsible for this. _

“You should feel responsible for it!” Isabella told him without opening her wizened eyes. “It’s your fault he was in pain and it’s definitely going to be your fault if the next several days cause him pain. Knowing you, Izaya won’t survive it.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Shizuo growled, hating that he felt lost and useless. If Izaya had been awake, he’d have been able to understand all the hidden undertones of their words. Shizuo just felt like he was floundering. Like a mouse dropped into a bucket of water, all he could do was swim or drown. “What do you mean he’s not going to survive it?”

Isabella’s expression went stony. Getting to her feet, leaving her husband to take slow, deep breaths, the woman walked closer to Shizuo. “Sometimes, I don’t think you understand just how precious and valuable the light you’ve been given is. Izaya is more fragile than you’ll give him credit for and stronger than you can believe. When he’s fine, he’s impenetrable, but when he cracks, he shatters.” 

To Shizuo’s ears, her words sounded prophetic. “I’m tired of breaking him, I don’t want him to shatter,” the man said, voice bordering on desperate. “I’m sorry I threw off the spell because I didn’t want it to end as much as Izaya, I never-”

“That part wasn’t you,” Murra croaked from the floor as he finally stood up. “The magic wasn’t going to work anyway, I could tell from the moment I clapped eyes on you. The dullahan that activated your connection might have had some strong magic, but the bond between the two of you is thicker than most.” He waved his hand dismissively. “You two were already screwed.”

Shizuo ground his teeth together. “He’s still going to be upset. I just want it to stop hurting him.”

Isabella snapped her fingers. “Then you listen to me and you listen to me well, Izaya needs your patience, he needs your sympathy, but above all, he needs to know that he isn’t somehow worth less than you.”

Shizuo gave her a confused look at that. “I’m pretty sure he already knows that.”

“Don’t you give me that,” she ordered sharply. “If he tells you to get on your knees then you damn well better do it and if he’s kneeling at your feet then I want you there in the dust with him. Never leave him alone, not unless you’re still  _ there. _ He’s your light to preserve so don’t  _ mess it up!” _

Taken aback by the veracity of her tone, Shizuo nodded, swallowing hard. “He’s not going to want to ever see me again,” he told her, unsure why he was arguing with a blind Witch Doctor but feeling very much like he had to. “He’s going to run.”

“Then you run after him,” Murra supplied before Isabella could jump in. “And when he keeps running you run until you catch him. And if he tries anything stupid, you had better say your prayers because you do not want to know how this turns out if he dies.”

Blood chilling, Shizuo grit his teeth together against the horrifying images. “I won’t let him,” he promised, finding just how much he meant it. “I really fucking care about him, even if he doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

“You’d be surprised how conflicted he is,” Isabella told Shizuo offhandedly, walking back to her caldron. “The tables are going to be turning before you know it. Or maybe they won’t, maybe you really will screw it up.” Cackling at that, she dipped her melted spatula back into the pot and began stirring once again. “But how would I know, I’m just the Witch Doctor.”

“Ignore her,” Murra scoffed. “He’ll be waking up soon by the way. And it’ll probably still be painful, and you know, you should probably be there for him when he wakes up. Or whatever it is that soulmates do these days.” 

At those words, Shizuo was instantly beside Izaya. With careful, gentle hands, Shizuo lifted the man back onto the couch so he wasn’t slumped over so drastically. As if awakened by his touch, Izaya made a soft groaning sound and started trying to blink eyes that Shizuo knew from experience wouldn’t open right away.

Struggling to keep his mind blank, to not overreact over Izaya when he was acting so fragile and vulnerable, Shizuo waited patiently. He could hear Murra muttering something to Isabella but he ignored them in favor of sitting down beside Izaya and carefully holding the man upright. A moment passed, then two. Finally, Izaya opened his eyes.

Blinking hazy red orbs that glowed like the sun, Izaya softly managed, “Shizu- Shizu-chan…” He couldn’t deny it, just hearing Izaya’s voice made him feel better. He was fucked, Shizuo realized. Well and truly fucked.

Then Izaya’s eyes widened and Shizuo instantly knew why. He didn’t even have to see inside Izaya’s mind, he just could tell. Though he knew it was going to cause a torrent of pain and emotion, Shizuo also knew that he had to tell the man what was going on at some point. Drawing a heavy breath, Shizuo attempted to pull himself together so he could think,  _ It didn’t work. _

He was expecting anger. He was expecting sorrow. He was expecting fear, panic, and a whole host of other negative feelings to come pouring off of Izaya the moment the thought left him. Instead, all Shizuo got was a blanket of relief. Unable to understand, he just stared at the man for a moment.

“I… It figures,” Izaya said softly before turning away from the Blond. Except Shizuo still could see his mind and Izaya was far from calm. But it was something other than the agony of depression, no, Izaya was almost… happy. “So,” Izaya muttered, turning to Murra. “Tell me what happened. Because I’m still seeing in gold and I can still hear Shizu-chan’s thoughts.”

“You want the short answer or the long answer,” Murra quipped, still rubbing at the red marks around his throat. “Because I can give you an essay, or I can give you the abridged one sentence version.”

“I want the truth,” Izaya told him, his eyes hard. “Why do I hurt everywhere?”

“Well, the long and the short of it is,” Murra shrugged. “It failed.”

And there was the disappointment. Not as intense as Shizuo would have expected but still it trickled in like water through rocks. “So we’re still soulmates,” Izaya said slowly, his breathing purposeful as if he were trying to keep himself steady. “And still showing symptoms.”

“Well you tell me princess,” Murra grumbled. “And make sure to ask your prince over there too while your at it because he almost put me in a damn coma.” Glancing sharply at Shizuo, Izaya tiredly thought,  **_What did you do to him?_ **

_ I reminded him not to mess around with you, _ Shizuo thought back, hardly sparing a moment for the little spike of surprise that came from Izaya.  _ Especially since you were catatonic and twitching in pain. _ He tried to suppress the horrible feelings of anger and _ fear _ that had jumped at the idea.  _ Damnit, I couldn’t just sit here and do nothing! _

Unexpectedly, Izaya shifted. With a slow purpose in his movements, he leaned his weight against Shizuo. It wasn’t anything big, but it made Shizuo’s heart to uncomfortable flips in his chest.  **_Calm down you beast,_ ** he thought softly.  **_I’ve lived through worse._ ** Aloud, he said, “So give me the long version, why didn’t it work?”

With a great huffing breath, Murra crossed his arms. “The magic is too strong, your body rejected it. All I’ve done is leave everything going on with your fate a mess. It’s probably going to get worse.”

Again, Izaya didn’t react as expected, he simply nodded. Yes he felt defeated, but Shizuo felt him press closer to him and all that tension just seemed to leak away.  _ Izaya, what’s this supposed to be? I thought you wanted nothing more to do with me… _ Blunt and to the point, but there was no need to be beating around bushes, now was there?

**_Well it’s not like I’m going to be getting away from you now, is it?_** Sparing the Blond a rueful smile, Izaya tilted his head. “When you say worse, how much worse are we talking?”

Murra, who seemed pleasantly surprised by Izaya’s calm, scratched his chin. “I’d say several powerful symptoms. You’ll wake up with one tomorrow, I can guarantee that.” As he spoke, Izaya simply hung his head as though he wasn’t even going to fight it anymore. “There could be other repercussions, there might not be. You might get some fluctuations of certain pre-existing symptoms but you’ll live.”

“It could be much worse,” Izaya agreed. “Is there anything else you can do?” It was one last ditch effort, Shizuo could tell, but he almost hoped that there was something. Because he hated seeing this defeated expression on Izaya’s face but by the same token, he could do nothing to change it.

“Sorry but there’s nothing,” Murra told him frankly, shaking his head. “I suggest you get used to it. Before it kills you or worse.” Then, after a moment’s silence, the man announced, “Now out with you! We’re done, there’s nothing more to do. I have things to fix after your soulmate decided to destroy them.”

Taking a deep breath, Izaya nodded and slowly got to his feet. Shizuo saw the unsteadiness coming before Izaya and caught the man deftly before he could fall back to the couch. Trying to ignore all those simmering emotions, both his and Izaya’s, until after they were out of the Witch Doctor’s house, Shizuo carefully guided the man towards the door.

“Thank you,” Izaya called behind him.

“Oh stuff it, you won’t be thanking me tomorrow,” Murra promised before slamming the front door behind him.

It was only once they were out that Izaya’s perfect mask crumbled. Shizuo could feel the despair leaking out over the edges as Izaya simply let out a growl and moved. He couldn’t even track the knife as it came out of the man’s sleeve and flew straight at the opposite wall where it stuck, ridgid. Then he drew a shuddering breath and started walking away.

Hurrying to keep up, Shizuo muttered, “I’m sorry Izaya.”

“No, shut up Shizu-chan,” Izaya’s voice was tight, but inside, he was just a ball of emotions. Shizuo tried to sort through it but all he managed to do was get himself hopelessly mired in Izaya’s feelings towards the situation. “It’s fine, the chances of it working anyway were slim.” Except Shizuo could feel his disappointment as strongly as if it were his own.

They walked for a while in silence, both too deep in their own personal miseries to care. Shizuo wanted to feel bad about the whole thing but fuck, he was glad he was still around Izaya and that just made him feel worse because this was Izaya and the man was already suffering enough. He  _ hated _ that he was selfish enough to want this mess to continue but Shizuo couldn’t see any other way. How could he protect the man after all if he were a city away, how could he keep him from doing something else stupid?

Never mind that it was his fault all this stupid shit kept happening, he was worried damnit! He didn’t want to watch Izaya break any more than he already had. All Shizuo wanted to do was keep the man safe. He cared.

_ I care. _

**_I know you do._ ** Looking guiltily up at Izaya, who was still walking ahead of him like nothing was going on, Shizuo felt his spirits sink again. He didn’t even know why he was so upset about the whole thing.

_ I had a reason for wanting to get away. _ He didn’t mean to let that thought escape but it did anyway, getting away from him before he could stop it. Instantly he felt Izaya’s mind scramble and didn’t miss the way his step faltered. Needing to explain himself, Shizuo decidedly pushed on. Aloud.

“I can’t keep being around you like this Izaya, not in this way, not without losing my mind,” Shizuo said softly watching Izaya’s back with a strange mix of bitterness and tenderness. “Maybe I’m just fucking weak because I can’t stand these symptoms anymore, not when they only seem to bring me closer to you.”

Izaya stopped. Shizuo wondered if the man could hear his heart pounding as they both stared at the bridge, the place where this whole damn mind-reading thing had started. “I know Shizuo.” No pet name, no fancy words, just raw, unadulterated emotion. Turning to face the Blond, Izaya murmured. “I get it.”

His face was twisted with a thousand different feelings all trying to escape through a pinhole. Shizuo wanted to make that look go away but he knew it was being mirrored on his own face.  _ What has become of us? _ He wondered.  _ What happened to us being bitter rivals to the end? _

**_I think we’re finally coming to grips with the fact that we were never enemies at all._ ** Slowly meandering towards the bridge, Izaya leaped up at sat on the railing, just staring at Shizuo all the while.  **_But now we’re stuck like this, ne?_ ** He sounded so fucking tired, it broke Shizuo’s heart.

_ I think we are. _ Walking towards Izaya, Shizuo stood there before him, unsure how close he could get before he’d get to close. The Raven’s foot brushed against his hip as Izaya kicked his feet out before letting them fall back to rest. 

“I’m glad it didn’t work,” Izaya said suddenly, like it was a weight coming off his chest. “I…”  **_I don’t want to lose you Shizu-chan. I don’t know what that means yet but I’m trying to figure it out, I promise._ ** Unable to even pretend those words didn’t make him happy, Shizuo drew closer.

_ You don’t have to rush it Izaya, I can wait. _ And Shizuo found that he could,  _ would _ wait for Izaya to figure it out. Because truth was he didn’t understand it yet and even though he wanted answers, he wanted to see Izaya start to feel better more. “But we have to stop running, okay?”

Slowly, Izaya nodded. Shizuo could feel the emotions on the edges of his mind and he knew instinctively that Izaya was close to just breaking. He’d been through so much recently, it was a wonder he wasn’t broken already. “I know Shizu-chan,” he murmured, voice trembling ever so slightly. “I know.”

And though he knew he probably shouldn’t, Shizuo took that last step and wrapped his arms tightly around the idiot Flea, willing him to just feel better already, if even a little. As thin arms snaked around his back, Izaya buried his head in Shizuo’s shoulder and just… Cried.

Tightening his hold on the man, Shizuo just let the man sob, knowing that it wasn’t sadness, merely stress.  _ He’s being forced to be closer to a person he doesn’t even like, it has to be hard. _ Gripping the back of Izaya’s coat, Shizuo tried to smother the thoughts.

But it was too late.  **_I don’t_ ** **not** **_like you Shizu-chan…_ ** Izaya’s mind was sluggish, the tears still pouring down his face, but Shizuo was still hanging off of every one.  **_It’s been hard, I’ll admit, but… Maybe it was all inevitable. Maybe I’m not just suffering from some sort of weird Stockholms syndrome. After all, it’s you._ **

Feeling his heart almost stop, Shizuo drew back. “I thought I hated you five days ago.”

“Ditto,” Izaya mumbled. The tears were still coming, but they were no longer accompanied by soft, yet still heart wrenching sobs. “It’s been a long week, and I know it’s only going to get worse but… I’m tired of facing this alone.”

Hearing him say those words, it made Shizuo’s shoulders relax. “Me too. I’m sick of watching you leave, knowing that you’re going to come back in more pain than before.” Lifting a hand, Shizuo rubbed calloused fingers over Izaya’s cheeks, clearing some of the tears. He wasn’t sure were this clear overstepping of their boundaries was coming from, but he didn’t care. Shizuo was sick of pretending like he didn’t want to be closer to Izaya.

**_You sound like an idiot._ **

_ Just for you, shitty Flea. _

Smiling, Izaya bowed his head. “I’m still… It’s still going to be hard. But I’m going to figure it out.  _ We _ will figure it out.” Fuck if that didn’t sound wonderful.

“But for now,” Izaya pushed Shizuo back lightly but the man moved all the same. “I really just need some time to sort this all out. Alone.” His mouth turned down at the corners and Shizuo didn’t even have to peer into his mind to see the somber notes in his eyes. “It’s a lot and I’m tired.”

“Yeah, I get it.” Drawing back, Shizuo helped Izaya off of the railing, even though he didn’t need the assistance. Izaya, for his part, didn’t complain. “I think I need some time away from it as well,” he admitted, smiling ruefully. “My head fucking hurts.”

Looking up at the sky, Izaya laughed. “It’s hardly noon, funny how these things work, I feel like I’ve been gone all day.” Shizuo let out a bark of a laugh and Izaya’s familiar smirk returned. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” Izaya asked, looking momentarily uncertain.

_ Yeah, of course Izaya. Tomorrow. _ Experiencing Izaya’s spark of relief as clearly as if it were his own, Shizuo watched as the man turned and walked back down the bridge, melting into the crowd in a matter of moments. And though he couldn’t see him anymore, Shizuo still heard Izaya’s voice echoing in his mind.

**_You don’t have to worry Shizu-chan, I’m done running._ **

With a tired smile, Shizuo thought back,  _ We both are. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to remind you once more, DON'T FORGET TO VOTE! Because very soon, you're going to find the fabled chapter upon us. Will it be collared Shizuo or collared Izaya? Chose wisely because this is going to seriously affect the story (duh)
> 
> Other than that, thoughts? Did you like it? Did you like Namie freaking out over having a soulmate? Did you like Shizuo being super worried about Izaya? 
> 
> OR DID YOU HATE IT BECAUSE I'M A TALENTLESS HACK?
> 
> Laters~!


End file.
